too little too late

 
I'd have given anything to have heard those words
a year ago...perhaps longer
before the long downward spiral
into the violent eddy of inadequacy
before I lost myself to familiar shadows
the maelstrom overtaking me
dragging me under
where oxygen was found only in toxic bubbles
struggling single handedly to carry the weight of us
giving everything...
never withholding & still not being enough
adding tears to the ocean of my own drowning
while you bit those 3 precious words back
4 years held hostage...
...as they waited...
...sitting under your tongue
for reasons I'll never comprehend
denying me their healing
and I do not now doubt you mean them
I only question the timing
why...
when I've finally begun to surface
accepting...adapting...moving on
...recognizing all hope is gone
...reconciling I'm better off alone
why now...
do you admit...
...you've always loved me