deepundergroundpoetry.com
Today's Rage.
We've grown insipid, here in England,
most talent and passion spent,
on shores far and foreign
where our majesty went.
But we can still smell the passion
In the sordid streets and the malls,
and detect talent, of a fashion,
in graffiti scrawled on grey walls.
As we thrill to this days attainment's
mostly stolen from a bygone age
we realise it is the fashion to have no talent
and passion? merely, today's rage...
most talent and passion spent,
on shores far and foreign
where our majesty went.
But we can still smell the passion
In the sordid streets and the malls,
and detect talent, of a fashion,
in graffiti scrawled on grey walls.
As we thrill to this days attainment's
mostly stolen from a bygone age
we realise it is the fashion to have no talent
and passion? merely, today's rage...
Published 21st Nov 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 7
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
21st Nov 2023 9:53pm
How true Rew.
Occasionally a fresh shoot breaks ground. Although to the young, everything smells of roses?
Top notch writing from you as per.
Dan
Occasionally a fresh shoot breaks ground. Although to the young, everything smells of roses?
Top notch writing from you as per.
Dan
21st Nov 2023 10:08pm
Thank you Dan.
It's really nice of you to take the trouble to read my offerings and respond.
Very encouraging, indeeds.
It's really nice of you to take the trouble to read my offerings and respond.
Very encouraging, indeeds.
First, I loved this! Second, on the request of "Friendly Feedback" . . .
The verse FLOWED like oil across a field until this line!
we realise it is the fashion to have no talent
There must be another way to word this and retain the message?
we realise no talent's a fashion trend ( close rhyme to attain'ments' )
and passion? merely today's rage. . .
As we thrill to this days attainment's
mostly stolen from a bygone age
we realise no talent's a fashion trend
and passion? merely, today's rage...
Just some friendly feedback I wouldn't have extended had I not liked the poem so much.
The verse FLOWED like oil across a field until this line!
we realise it is the fashion to have no talent
There must be another way to word this and retain the message?
we realise no talent's a fashion trend ( close rhyme to attain'ments' )
and passion? merely today's rage. . .
As we thrill to this days attainment's
mostly stolen from a bygone age
we realise no talent's a fashion trend
and passion? merely, today's rage...
Just some friendly feedback I wouldn't have extended had I not liked the poem so much.
21st Nov 2023 11:23pm
Hokay Ahavati. Thanks for the feedback but seeing how this piece has been in my head for some time and in my written notes, it's going to take some time to digest your recommendations and compare it with the stuff in my head and on paper.
21st Nov 2023 11:42pm
22nd Nov 2023 7:38am
22nd Nov 2023 1:04pm
