deepundergroundpoetry.com
Melancholy Flood Warnings
Sadness flows like a river
through the sky flowers
winding a way on the winds
Little Hope dances on the air
while singing her lonesome song
touching the moment
leaving a ripple
Vibrations in the elements
announce flood warnings
as she begins to cry
great indigo tears
Deep down, Sorrow understands her meaning
she holds Melancholy close
Waving goodbye to old friends
Sunflower and Poppy
Reliving the pain
relishing in the feeling
she knows her gift is being
Touching Knowledge
and breathing in and out
She exhales wisdom
Published 13th Nov 2023
Author's Note
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwVXkM_YxMg
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likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 5
reads 82
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Nov 2023 7:35am
‘Sky flowers’ is rather lovely, and there’s nice alliteration in ‘winding a way on the winds’.
It’s a gentle poem.
Some suggestions:
The lines:
Deep down, Sorrow understands her meaning
she holds Melancholy close
are stronger without the words ‘deep down’.
I think that when using the word ‘breathing’, it is superfluous to write ‘in and out’
Touching Knowledge,
breathing —
She exhales wisdom
It’s a gentle poem.
Some suggestions:
The lines:
Deep down, Sorrow understands her meaning
she holds Melancholy close
are stronger without the words ‘deep down’.
I think that when using the word ‘breathing’, it is superfluous to write ‘in and out’
Touching Knowledge,
breathing —
She exhales wisdom
15th Nov 2023 4:42pm
hello dearest SeaCat thank you most graciously for taking the time to give a beautiful critique on this I see your points and yes they make a more powerful poem 💕
13th Nov 2023 11:27am
15th Nov 2023 4:43pm
19th Nov 2023 5:42am
Totally appreciated how you personified these attributes, flowing so well in delivery.
Awesome work.
Awesome work.
