deepundergroundpoetry.com
Autumn Words, During
Our summer poems are put away
one of yours for every one of mine
Shuffled, like the deck
of a fortune teller's cards
in a yellow binder
-Was
until we drew flowers and cartoon faces
and some (quite imperfect, limping) animals
all over the cover
Our fingers weren't skilled for such art
not with exuberance pulsating them
Yet they worked well upon
one another's skin
There we were, then;
Caught each other undressed
without our words to cover us
But damn if our eyes weren't pages
of stories yet to tell
upon beige parchment
When autumn comes seeking
one last gasp of warmth
Our creases and curves
were forgiving lines
The candle's glow flirted
with me, across your body
Come hither, it flickered,
come
We shuffled our bodies
within minutes and hours
And exaltations with lack of remembrance
-None before were like this
so we learned as we went
Autumn is hungry, for words
for whispers as kindling
But let it decipher our sounds
once we are in the during
Autumn will leave us
as it found us;
Bare
yet warm
Wordless yet loud
It will disguise its sighs
as wind
and then go whine
towards winter.
~~~
Published 3rd Nov 2023
| Edited 12th Nov 2023
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 7
comments 17
reads 201
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3rd Nov 2023 1:54am
There is so much beauty in this one. From the metaphors to the imagery...start to finish
4th Nov 2023 11:27pm
Thank you, Willow.
It really created itself, as I sat and watched. I had no idea where it would lead. I loved the first line for a couple of days, as it bounced around in my head, at work. Once I sat down to write something, this spilled out.
I appreciate your nod for my effort. I needed a positive write this time.
It really created itself, as I sat and watched. I had no idea where it would lead. I loved the first line for a couple of days, as it bounced around in my head, at work. Once I sat down to write something, this spilled out.
I appreciate your nod for my effort. I needed a positive write this time.
3rd Nov 2023 2:59am
Dear S,
You’re just showing off now. This poem is ridiculously great. There’s a peek into the intimacy of these characters that is just enough to feel the love and joy and then the use of metaphors…I’m green with envy. Lovely write despite my childish jealousy of your talented writing. H🌷
You’re just showing off now. This poem is ridiculously great. There’s a peek into the intimacy of these characters that is just enough to feel the love and joy and then the use of metaphors…I’m green with envy. Lovely write despite my childish jealousy of your talented writing. H🌷
4th Nov 2023 11:34pm
What?! Surely you jest!
As I said above, I had the first line swimming in my head a couple of days. I had nothing planned with it. It all just seeped out once I decided to put that line to use.
Many times, it's a mood to write from, not always ideas. The mood creates the pictures in my head. Ya know?
And, there is nothing childish about you, my dear. Nada.
As I said above, I had the first line swimming in my head a couple of days. I had nothing planned with it. It all just seeped out once I decided to put that line to use.
Many times, it's a mood to write from, not always ideas. The mood creates the pictures in my head. Ya know?
And, there is nothing childish about you, my dear. Nada.
3rd Nov 2023 7:45am
4th Nov 2023 11:39pm
Hey you!
I will gladly take a "fantastic" and feel rich!
Actually, I do spend some time contemplating the line breaks more than some probably. Even, that's why I chose to center this write, instead of left hash it. It aids a few lines in impact. I think anyway. So I like how you mention line breaks, again.
I think it matters, and you confirm it. Thank you.
I will gladly take a "fantastic" and feel rich!
Actually, I do spend some time contemplating the line breaks more than some probably. Even, that's why I chose to center this write, instead of left hash it. It aids a few lines in impact. I think anyway. So I like how you mention line breaks, again.
I think it matters, and you confirm it. Thank you.
4th Nov 2023 00:08am
4th Nov 2023 11:41pm
4th Nov 2023 1:39am
Hey Styx,
This is quite beautiful. The metaphors and expressions.
Just lovely piece. Your mind is a treasure:)
You shuffle words like a true Vegas card shuffler. Yep - like a showoff. LOL
Honoria is right!!
This is quite beautiful. The metaphors and expressions.
Just lovely piece. Your mind is a treasure:)
You shuffle words like a true Vegas card shuffler. Yep - like a showoff. LOL
Honoria is right!!
4th Nov 2023 11:57pm
Hello Del. (So formal! Lol)
Thank you for saying what you did about it. That first line battered my brain a couple of days. So it's good to know that the result of it all is well received.
I hate gambling, you know. I play the definite winning hand. And then I'm all in. Leave me alone about the whole odd numbers thing. It works for me! Lol.
Thank you for saying what you did about it. That first line battered my brain a couple of days. So it's good to know that the result of it all is well received.
I hate gambling, you know. I play the definite winning hand. And then I'm all in. Leave me alone about the whole odd numbers thing. It works for me! Lol.
4th Nov 2023 7:29am
Melodious metaphors! The inevitable doesn't always have to be bad. Digging this piece Styx.
LJ
LJ
4th Nov 2023 11:48pm
What a great word to use; "melodious". I'm digging that!
I needed a positive piece to switch away from a string of grrrr ones. Thank you for noticing my effort here, LJ. I appreciate it a lot.
I needed a positive piece to switch away from a string of grrrr ones. Thank you for noticing my effort here, LJ. I appreciate it a lot.
6th Nov 2023 1:46am
Geez Styx, your writing is always so phenomenal it makes it so hard to properly comment damnit! No I am not complaining, I just might sound that way. lol I agree with everyone this is beautiful and adore the metaphors. I am mad at myself for not leaving a more worthy comment but that's what I have for now. I will be back to try and catch up on some of your others. It's been so long since I got a chance a read on here that I know there must be a ton of them.
6th Nov 2023 1:56am
Listen Scooby, there is no comment less worthy or more worthy. We are all here as a group of writers, sharing our interest and enthusiasm for writing. So every nod of acknowledgement is enough to let each of us know that we are a welcome part of the group. It's a big circle here.
Your spot matters.
Your spot matters.
6th Nov 2023 2:05am
Okay, I can't really argue with that now can I. And of course I love hearing Scooby again lol it's been so long. :p It just sounds so endearing to me!
6th Nov 2023 11:09am
Got a little chill reading that last stanza.
Good poetry is supposed to do that.
Has a Robert Frost vibe at the end even though I must confess I haven't read him since high school 200 years ago it seems.
Or maybe his name is a metaphor for your subject matter as winter is at our door despite autumn is in it's first quarter turn of the mile sprint ....
BIG LIKE COUNTRY MARK
You remain a distinctive writer here in the Underground... Most needed poetry !
Good poetry is supposed to do that.
Has a Robert Frost vibe at the end even though I must confess I haven't read him since high school 200 years ago it seems.
Or maybe his name is a metaphor for your subject matter as winter is at our door despite autumn is in it's first quarter turn of the mile sprint ....
BIG LIKE COUNTRY MARK
You remain a distinctive writer here in the Underground... Most needed poetry !
12th Nov 2023 6:32pm
Thank you Gary.
I don't overly critique my own writes, but I do strive for a standard. My literary ability is more akin to getting to displaying images of thoughts. I lack certain writing skills, but I think I do have a good sense of what resonates with others' thoughts. I hope!
I don't overly critique my own writes, but I do strive for a standard. My literary ability is more akin to getting to displaying images of thoughts. I lack certain writing skills, but I think I do have a good sense of what resonates with others' thoughts. I hope!
