Morning Star

I don't believe in running away
But in the crush I'm fading  
 
*
 
Before nights, mists, the roiling clouds
The seas untold depth and rolling breadth
Storms unleashed, smiting, thunder and lightning  
I know the rains that pelt
And lands parched 'neath searing sun
The chaos of days
Belying plans I've made
All this mine as I wander far from home
A sojourner, stranger
A pilgrim here
 
Self, dreams, visions I once hoped to be
A future day eluding me
Trapped in loyalty to vows foolish made
Paying recompense for cupidity
Possessed by possessions
I cannot own
Bereft of dreams by others' schemes
Darkness muffles the beating of my heart
Covers so I scarce can breathe
And yet I live
I am
 
I know the trenches, rutted
Conformity providing cover
From life's shot and shell
And boredom's deadly lull of same
Men not mice day by day
Forced to run the same pointless maze
For faux reward, and then run again
Conditioned, reflexive
Pavlov's dog responses
As if numbness meant no pain
And feeling nothing was somehow gain
Yet still beats
My heart of hearts
 
I know the flowers of my Gethsemanes
Nightshade and mandrake
And garlands of thorns
Tear laced cups that stream
Life's blows that have brought me to my knees
When black beyond darkness covers me
When I am lost, and broken seek
When all comfort seems to flee
And utterance finds no words to speak
Still my soul cries
And I reach
 
Sober reflection stares back at me
Who I am, what I've been
How far wanders the path
From true to self
To lies I've told
And truths I've lost
To appear as what, but what I'm not
To fit in I've worn the look whole cloth
And seeing me, I see you the same
How far we've fallen from what we've been
Yet echoes still my first love  
Though far wandered  
From paradise lost
 
Oh my soul, embrace me
If I told my days' tale
Would you love me still
Say, all is well
WithIn your open arms encircle  
Say you still believe  
In the broken heart of me
Staunch the heart that bleeds
And still believe in scattered dreams
Believe in me
Believe tears cleanse
And aren't in vain
Show again what true love is
 
*
 
As night faded
Darkness gave way to palest blue
With the waning of the moon
The light of the stars was lost
In the false light before the dawn
And silence
Save the bright and morning star
Which lingered proud before sunrise
And day became
 
Alone
Pure light against false speaks true
And I look up and hope