Where I Go

With the sun just beginning to set I head to the pure white sand of the beach to glory in the coming of the night. It is here that I can let my mind wander freely without the fear of intrusions. Lying at the edge the beach, the waves caress my warm skin like adoring kisses from a lover. I let my mind go blank and wait for calm to overtake me. As the sun sinks lower it engages the swells of the waves in a play of fire. I look north searching for my constant companion and see her rise in all her glory. Always, I am impressed with her radiant light, no other star shines as brightly. I say goodbye to the day and the sun is no more. Without her heat the breeze sends shivers across my body.

Retreating to my sanctuary of warm blankets I sit with my knees under my chin, my arms wrapped around my legs and wait for the shivering to stop. The quiet of the night settles in and at last I feel my mind opening. At first it is too much, all the memories tripping and piling upon one another. The tears spring to my eyes as I fight to control them, knowing that I cannot, only let them come and allow them to sort themselves. Only then will I be able to dream as I must. Without my dreams to sustain me, I cannot bear what each day must bring.

Taking deep breaths, I hang on the brink as each flash of history passes by, until all have fled. I raise my head to survey the sky and see that the moon has risen to cast its pale shadow across the dusky landscape. Tentatively, I reach out for your memories, feeling with gentle caresses across your thoughts till I find where I am hiding. Beginning the slow painful process, I weave my dreams of you. In my mind you take form, your flesh has heat and substance, your caress brings contentment. It is only here that I can know you, only here that I can show you how I feel.