Heart, Body, And Soul

kind of thinking, and reminiscing about the various psychologists, and psychiatrists i had to see during my transition. i told one, that i didn't feel as though i had any 'dysphoria', and that i know my label is a transwoman, but i said "that i feel as though i'm simply a woman, built with one digit to many!" a kind of unwanted +1!!!!😏 she wrote in her report, that she had no reservations in referring me, and that i was very colourful, with a good sense of humour! four plus years later, it's the best thing ive done, as i'm now finding myself, and being me. my brain is still the same, my body has now caught up with it. and although sometimes when ive endured verbal abuse, when it feels like i'm having my heart ripped out, at least i haven't been hit (yet). i suffered far worse abuse when i was a hippie, about half a dozen times minimum, where i was punched, and kicked in the head, and once beaten over the head with 2 snooker balls within a sock, and constant bullying at most of the 14 schools i attended, and my father was very heavy handed with me, but at least conventional smacking, and slippering me (he started to use a slipper, as he told me it hurt his hands spanking me) so ive had this gift of life, which began when i nearly died (july 18th 2017), when i had a heart attack. 4 stents, and 2 ops later, i began to pick up the pieces, and then my gender reassignment 30th May 2019. then in Jan 2022, i was invited to participate in performance poetry, at Hastings Women's Voice, so 5 of us took the stage, i was conscious of the fact that i was the only transwoman performing. this led me to exploring the idea of reading at open mic events, then by April of last year, i'd somehow put myself forward to life modelling! i was thinking, what on earth, but decided to go ahead with it, and now confident about being naked with anyone!!!!! (the only condition that it be at a recognised art studio!) my life is always going to be a bit roller coaster, and i have no doubt that i'll receive more comments in the future. but grateful that at least none have resorted to physical violence......time to shower, and dilate, and contemplate, my fate, but comforted by all the positive support out there big hugs xx 🍂 🦋 💕 xx
Written by missjem56 (Jemia de Blondeville)
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