deepundergroundpoetry.com
Coy Girls
Coy girls
not worldly innocents
they know their power
not worldly innocents
they know their power
Published 10th Sep 2023
Author's Note
This was inspired by (but is not an imitation of) J-Z's poorly written, conceptually confused, and somewhat perverse "The Coy Little Girl" (https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/490884-the-coy-little-girl/) and Mo's challenge to produce Haiku in their new nonstandard form.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Sep 2023 3:45am
This is more of a senryu then a haiku Baldwin. Good to see that you are writing in a more traditional Japanese way though, your syllable count is good, 2/6/5, fits in much better with Japanese onji. Glad to see my explanation has helped you, just remember, "word sounds" and not syllables. Look forward to reading some of your haiku.
🙏 Mo
🙏 Mo
11th Sep 2023 12:54pm
"This is more of a senryu then [SIC} a haiku [SIC] Baldwin."
Yes, inasmuch as it deals with human beings/human nature rather than with nature.
But I think that it is better to call it a lune
"Free-Style Haiku
A simpler, "free-style" version of haiku is called the lune.
"A lune can be about absolutely anything. The writer of a lune does not have to count syllables. The first line in a lune is three words, the second line is 5 words, and the third line is 3 words."
Yes, inasmuch as it deals with human beings/human nature rather than with nature.
But I think that it is better to call it a lune
"Free-Style Haiku
A simpler, "free-style" version of haiku is called the lune.
"A lune can be about absolutely anything. The writer of a lune does not have to count syllables. The first line in a lune is three words, the second line is 5 words, and the third line is 3 words."
