Single Parent Depression

Your doing good LilMama no worries.. ok it will pass... i promise.

As i sit on the shower floor watching The stream down the drain spinning and spinning as it changes colors and u sit and sit and think any moment now...this will pass I promise too.
Its a slow nice way of welcoming death
it is what is riding through my mind right now
As the water turns red...
And Ur heart slows down
And u feel relief
After the pain reminds u...
You are here...
I'm pulling my self together now as i drag my self to earth.
I levitate my soul to this plane and take a deep breath as i step forward ...
Stumbling into the future of the unknowing.
I don't know where i am going i cant see.
The alarm rings its time for work ...I cant think....all i can do is do because i cant feel .... anything.
no sleep ... did i sleep? No  routine i cling to the...its time for work hurry, don't be late.
Kids get up for school lets go...the bus is here hurry, the morning commotion distracts me ... momentarily.
so i stay busy so i cant think.
Kids are gone now. its quiet don't think... stop stop  its to quiet.
Alarm rings its time to leave, I grab the keys.
Did i eat??? No.
Clock in busy noises car breaks and engines leak. smell of gas. Beep Beep.
Clock out...grab my keys. Car door shuts.
Silence momentarily stop stop don't think....did i eat? No 10 hr shift just past.
Home ah deep breath in and out ... relief as i close the door and enter my home, no ones home.
I sit on my bed and close my eyes and breathe ... loud nose kids running through the house.
Mom!!! Mom!!! Im home!
I got to keep in control don't think...
Its time for dinner! yall come eat. Repeat.
Cleaned up, time for bed, Kids sleep. Did i eat? No
Its late time for sleep....as i toss and turn i cant sleep ugh my head hurts.
Alarm rings! Did i sleep? No Repeat.
Single mom Depression no one can see because we live alone. Only our kids might see so if they ask mom are u okay you just say im okay. Smile and walk away.
I'm trying to keep my routine work and kids in line are good but I am finding my self fading away mentally in the crowed of things... as I smile no one can see ... as i hide it really good.
I hope to be free. Pain reminds me i am here.
You will be okay.

In moments of weakness Words give strength.
words give strength stay strong you got this is on repeat.