To Live On

I have reached that point in life that all kids dream of.
Adulthood.
It is still fresh,
The grasses of maturation still not cut.

I fear my future.
Living a life for so long,
Dreaming solely for it to proceed quickly yet not really change.
I had so many plans and ideas,
Changes I wanted to make in my life,
And now I see those were reserved for that time.

I see the days are no longer predicable.
The future always seemed blurry,
But that was okay when it was so far away.
Now I am in it.

I can hardly see through all the mist,
And I keep reaching behind me hoping for something to hold onto.
My feet are stuck on this conveyor,
Pushing me through the fog.

I’m not afraid of the dark.
I’m afraid of what could be lurking.

I haven’t decided what I am going to do.
For a long time, I said I would end it at 18.
Now I am here, and my body is stone cold with fear.

I am more afraid of stopping just a few steps into the black, when there could be a field of clovers on the other side.