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I killed myself last week.

I didn't want anyone else to find out,
Until I ODed and it was talked about .
Hungry, exhausted, and fighting to live.
Tired of breathing, dying to give.

The perfect time was about to be here,
They all gave up, everyone disappeared,
Left me alone, they walked out the door,
And I didn't have to stay strong anymore.

Yeah, I know, that guy saved my life, But
All you can say is "I'm glad you're alive",
or, "just be careful" or "stop getting high"
But I mean it, man, a part of me died that night.

A scared little girl, with no-where to run,
Alone in this world, and she'd never felt love.
I begged to be numb, over it, just done.
But I feel different now, since shes gone.

She is dead,
I killed her,
She is no longer here.
It was her or me.
I killed myself,
So I could be free.
 

The One Who:
Was always to scared to let go,
Baby girl always
Did whatever she was told.
Always faked her smile,
Could never tell anyone no.
Was taught she had to
Love harder when people were cold.
  
The girl who believed
People could never walk out.
The one who thought
She knew what love was about.
Foolishly believed
Families could never split up.
Blindly hoped that
Things fell into place without help.

The girl who needed to be,
Controlled to feel worthy.
Raised to be rough
Disciplined to feel good enough.
To hard on herself she needed to be,
Because she had to be Praised to succeed.
Twisted ideas of affection and love
Because she was Abused to feel loved.

She's dead,
I killed her,
She is no longer here.
It was her or me.
I killed myself,
Just so I could be free.


If you ever loved her,
don't cry for her now,
She cried out for help,
And you let her drown.
She fought so hard,
She earned her crown
Yes, she is gone,
Only So I'm still around.

My deepest Regards, to you, my friend,
If your search lead you here, to the end.
She fought long and hard, gave her best.
Left us with her soul, so she could rest.

She's dead,
I killed her,
She is no longer here.
It was her or me.
I killed myself,
Just so I could be free.


I wanted to save her, So I closed my eyes,
I can't make her live, when I wanna die...
She hoped for peace, So I had to oblige,
She died so I could have a healthy life...

I had her buried in the prettiest place
On a hill, by the ocean, in my happy space
There she will stay dressed only in lace
Peaceful, relaxed, & completely encased.

At last, Babygirl's prayers were recieved,  
I was tired of hurting, so she was relieved,
When it comes my time, just do like I did,
Please Let me go, But, Continue to live.


NIKKI WILKINS
11/06/1998 - 02/18/2020
°To Beautiful for this Twisted World°
¤ Finally at Peace ¤
Written by Nikki_slugger
Published
Author's Note
This is the rawest content I've made... This came from a place of severe anger and hurt.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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