I Don't Know What Else to Say, Or How Else to Say It

I come to you with a plan, an idea for my future,
I'm so excited, I'm in a bit of a stupor,
I list all the points, because it's cool, and reassuring,
I'm just letting you know the information, teaching,
I'm showing you how I'm growing,
And how I'm trying to be problem solving,
Then you say, "I just want to go over it with you",
I know, you want to see it too,
See if there are any pitfalls I'm not seeing,
That's all fine and dandy, but you reiterate
Several times, more than I can tolerate,
The first time is fine, but after that,
It feels like you think I'm trying to convince you that
I can do this all on my own and don't need you to look too,
Which I need you to know, is just not true,
And you've told me why you do this, for the reason above,
But saying it multiple times, I feel like my heart you deglove,
I feel like you're not listening to me,
When I explain that I know what you mean, truly,
But just don't want you to say it multiple times in this scene
Or any time at all, and you explain it again (I'm not trying to be mean),
Saying, "I meant 'I know, but I just want to go over it with you'"
Again does turn the never ending, cyclical wheel,
When you add the words "but I", it makes me feel
Like you actually mean, "I know you don't want me to go over it with you, but I will"
In my head, my voice does scream so shrill,
Are you saying, "I just want to double check too"?
Or are you saying "I don't care, I'm checking anyway", is that true?
Are you telling me you want to be cautious?
Because you care so deeply for your child, precious?
Or are you telling me you think I'm foolhardy and going to go ahead on my own?
Because you think I'm too stupid, immature, and foolish to be trusted all alone?
Then you ask me why I had to explain how I felt,
Then quickly interrupt me with a no you don't want an answer, an emotional welt,
Why do you ask me a question, then get mad and tell me you don't want an answer?
Your side of this conversation seeming to mander,
You know very truly that my brain is wired to respond and to acknowledge,
I love to learn/absorb, tell/share, explain, teach, and acknowledge conversations and knowledge
So why give my brain what it craves, and act like you need it too,
Then just yank it away from me, like a taunting bully? Is this emotional abuse too?
Written by Orc_Pirate_68 (Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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