ELVIS

I know this is going to be a shock,
for some people,
but Elvis is dead.
 
That's why "crazy people"
should accept the facts at once
and move on.
 
How do I know Elvis is dead?
 
Because I am able to apply
the scientific methodology.
Now, I bet you will be asking yourself about
of the specificities of the scientific method,
and how it can be applied
to prove things based
on the facts we have at hand.
 
You were curious and want to know much more, right?
Well, bad luck my dears.
I am not authorized to give details about it.
not even how it works.
 
I had to promise Socrates and Aristotle,
do the secret handshake and, on top of that,
cut off the tip of the little toe of the left foot
like the members of the Yakuza,
also known as the Asian Mafia.
 
Maybe it's the Japanese Mafia only,
but since I don't remember well,
and I don't want to lead you to jump to conclusions.
 
Blame it on Hollywood movies
that do not teach the objective facts
of Yakuza history, insisting on
use them individually
or as evil characters in futuristic movies,
such as: Bambi, Titanic and Sound of Music.
 
But back to the scientific method.
I prepared several key points
to base my conclusion that Elvis
is really in the little mouths of worms,
maybe he's not being eaten by worms,
since, probably,
asked to be buried in a blue suede suit
with titanium anti-worm and moth treatment
to ensure durability.
 
And durability is exactly what keeps
the worms in the distance, as we all know.
So Elvis is dead, and I know why.
First of all, he was an old fart.
Probably everyone who will read this is
much younger than me,
so young they have no idea
from whoever that Elvis guy was,
that he is dead, except through silly anecdotes
and even more foolish people, who claim to have
seen the King (Elvis) at a bus stop
in the countryside of a pacific island.
 
If King Elvis the Dead was still alive,
he would be at least 90 years old,
which is a rough estimate,
I'm not a birthday maniac.
Therefore, we already have the anti-worm suit
and the age factor, right?
 
Now, let's turn to the diet issue.
King Elvis, the really dead one,
he was not famous for his healthy eating habits.
 
He wasn't really hygienic at all.
Not as unsanitary as walking
with the tip of the little finger of the left foot
hung around the neck as a lucky charm.
 
Well, Love me Tender, never would,
but sure is that he would eat things like:
Fried bellies in peanut oil
involved in Cheese and Cheetos.
 
There are so many preservatives in Cheetos,
that Elvis this undead king of rock
he didn't need a suede worm suit at all.
But he was buried inside one anyway.
 
As you can see,
after undoubted application of the scientific method
to the "Elvis Is Alive" problem,
it turns out that he himself is very, very, very dead.
 
The evidence is just too Rockabilly Hard,
to be in doubt.
Socrates must be proud.
The Yakuza must also be very proud,
since they hated Elvis.
 
The Yakuza still hate Elvis
more than paying the electricity bill.
These are the scientifically verifiable facts.
And they can be applied to many others.
 
 
PAR