A DRUNKEN SYNOPSIS ON MY HALLOWEEN AT WOLFS  (III)-(3rd revision)-(1990, San Diego (Leather Bar), California)

   
somewhere between      
nightmares and dreams      
another reality      
exists for me      
at least here      
tonight      
on all hallow even      
where wildness      
comes ripened      
and a howlin      
at wolfs      
something primal      
horny and free      
expressed all a blur      
somewhere between      
masculine beauty      
and public obscenity      
unfolds here now      
in all its blindingly  
horny  
drunken    
complexities      
oh well      
what the hell      
its halloween      
and these four beers      
done got a hold      
on me      
with just a couple      
hits of weed      
someone shared      
for old times sake      
just enough      
to take the edge off      
my usual      
social awkwardness      
cocooned more      
comfortably here now      
in my buzz      
as i lean against      
these thumping walls      
i seem to melt      
into all these morphing      
sounds  forms      
and moving shadows      
and long to yield      
to some strangers      
hungry  prolonged touch      
to feel their intimate      
inner warmth      
felt only vicariously      
here so far      
in the even hungrier      
frustrated  inner longing      
of my near rabid      
erotic imagination      
led on and only      
superficially fueled      
and fed  so far by      
and here amid      
all these other      
passing  posing      
cruising  longing      
equally frustrated      
deceptive forms      
still the erectile      
tensions here tonight      
both seem and feel      
quite taught        
what with so much        
red hot  man blood      
all astir  set off      
so rampantly engorged      
by and from      
the close up proximity      
of so many      
telling eyes      
sensuous mouths      
moustaches and beards      
so much hairy      
muscled man flesh      
all bound up      
in leather gear      
and denim bulges      
oh the bulges      
so gloriously      
galore      
visually beckoning      
to me      
from everywhere      
all around me      
here      
as if strainin      
to get out      
of all those      
tattered  faded      
levi 501s      
that just keep on      
walkin slowly by      
real close      
sometimes brushing      
right up against me      
in passing through      
the crushing crowd      
where i can almost      
feel their heat      
emitted through      
their contoured forms      
at least here in      
my wanting head      
which along with      
the musics steady beat      
bass thumping      
through my bones      
man amping up      
my raw  hot lust      
and all these      
backed up      
pent up fantasies      
still racing through      
my carnal mind      
have all really      
got me      
in a heated      
spin      
here now      
wherein      
ol man rivers      
too long      
suppressed      
backed up      
flow of jizz      
just keeps on      
a rollin on      
pleading to my      
longing bones      
hungering need      
for some      
too long overdue      
sweet  hot releases      
raw  combustible relief      
as i just      
keeps on      
a drownin along      
much too passively      
waiting      
and hoping      
that some perfect      
or at this point      
i ll even take      
much less than      
perfect here      
so long as      
its someone      
as ripely heated      
as equally hungry      
as i am      
to come up      
find and approach me      
standing      
spaced out      
numbly frozen      
in my present      
semi zombified      
introverted state      
of still horny      
but strangely awkward      
neutral limbo here      
to seductively      
offer me      
their own      
much less passive      
horny invitation      
to mutually feed      
release and relieve      
both our hungriest      
innermost desires      
burning      
primal needs      
but alas      
even this briefly      
imagined      
spontaneously spawned      
little fantasy here      
still presently      
exists      
only in my      
head      
which most likely      
only further      
reduces any chance      
at all      
of such a hopeful      
dream      
from ever      
coming true      
yet even      
in my realizing this      
i still cant seem      
to easily break      
its paralytic      
self captive spell      
which only      
leaves me now      
still numbly standing      
here      
seemingly rooted      
to this passive      
neutral spot      
starin off drunkenly      
into these colored lights      
across this crowded      
dim lit room      
through the now      
more densely      
smoke filled      
alcohol exhaled      
though still sexually charged      
stuffy  stale air        
which surprisingly      
doesnt bother me      
so much anymore      
at this point      
in my own      
relatively causative      
spaced out inebriation      
which nonetheless      
still seems      
to add      
another subtle        
sensual layer      
of ambient atmosphere      
like a soft cashmere      
warm candle light glow      
which along with      
the still fairly heady      
thump throb  steady      
bump n grind beat      
of the hard core      
sweaty  dark bass      
dungeonesque music      
makes me more than ever      
want to just let go      
completely and move      
my body freely      
in sync      
to and with      
the vibratory motion      
of its heated        
infectious beat      
but to my      
still too overly      
self conscious      
inner frustration      
slightly drunk      
or not      
i dont dare      
because      
im painfully aware      
that im still      
just a bit too      
socially uptight  i suppose      
even here neck deep      
in the swirling midst      
of this somewhat seedy      
hormonally swollen      
seething sensory storm      
so instead of fully letting go        
i simply close my eyes      
to momentarily visualize      
a much closer      
more intimate dance      
with certain        
more prominently      
demanding      
hot curvatures      
here around me      
until i once again realize      
that im still too trapped      
here tonight in my head      
where i guess it all      
comes down to this      
here yet again for now      
these shadows      
and this alcohol      
appear to both be      
my enemies      
and my friends      
in some sadly      
perplexing way      
they appear to only      
temporarily      
allow me to hide      
forget and pretend      
for a little while      
longer here tonight      
at least      
that were all ok      
and relatively safe      
to be ourselves      
here for now      
and where i      
once sufficiently drunk      
and or high      
can still almost      
convince myself      
to believe  that i      
at least here in these      
kind  dim lights      
and friendly shadows      
still hopefully may      
somewhat resemble      
some once finer        
younger day of me      
now long gone by      
oh well      
what the hell      
you might think      
that i could      
find and take      
some comfort      
in realizing      
and knowing      
that at least      
its still officially      
halloween      
but tragically      
for myself      
here tonight
for whatever
mysterious
unknown reasons  
i sadly cant      
and dont
feel  catch
nor score
that vibe
much less in
the warmth
and equally longing
living flesh
and yearning
heart
of another
willing  horny
lonesome man
like me
here tonight
at all