showers

there’s a secret I’d like to share with you
it is mystical and magical and so very mundane all at once
the secret is showers are portals
portals to other worlds and times
to other places and people and lives
portals to other thoughts, dreams and realities
just step in and turn the water
allow the sound of droplets pounding your flesh
pounding the walls
pounding the curtain
to drown out the noise
lock the door
close your eyes
drift into another mind
showers are portals
they cancel out the yelling on the other side of the bathroom door
they quiet the noise
they silence the endless string of thoughts
the intrusive and brutal images that never seem to end
showers are portals
they keep you safe
safe from the people in the living room
safe from the world outside
showers are portals
they transport you to an oasis
of warmth and comfort
where you can scrub off the layers of self-hatred that coat your skin
until you are raw and bloody
until you are fresh and fragile and no longer frantic
until you feel
clean
showers are portals
you can slip into a time when life
was peaceful
and if, like me, those times are far and few between
you can invent one
pretend the machinations of man are really the beauty of nature
imagine yourself on a beach
or in the woods
dancing in the rain
dancing in a world that is not filled with all of this
all of this pain
pain that you don’t remember acquiring
when
did showers become portals?
 when did they become safe havens?
when did the world outside become so
awful?
when did life stop feeling like living?
when did i get so fucking depressed?
when
did i stop loving you?
why do I still wish I did?
when do I get to start hating you?
how long do I have to hide in this shower for?
with you just outside the door
not waiting for me
you never were
just there
haunting the halls
I can’t seem to escape outside of these four walls
you are an apparition in my life
the ghost of another failed dream
the echo of another time of suffering
showers aren’t meant to be portals