Metamorphosis

Have you ever watched someone die, watched their entire being sink from within themselves?
It is not what they say it's like in the movies, or at least it was not this way for me.
There was no great outcry, no white light shining from within, or wherever they go when they leave their bodies behind,She just died.
And as my family wept around me, their sobs wrapping me in a cloak of something that tasted like iron, and salt, I realized that this was not the end; not for her anyways.

I knew that she was so tired, and in so much pain, but her death was so sudden, and it shook me to my internal being, because it is so hard to know someone your entire life, and then watch them wither away so intensely.
She comes to me on my hard days, and although I cannot see her, I can feel her; and I am broken all over again.

It is something like metamorphosis, I think; that when they leave their broken bodies behind, they are changed, or maybe reborn into something else, I wish I knew so that I could silence the empty cavern that has begun to fester between my ribs.
Sometimes she is moths, and butterflies, other times she is the cardinal that watches over me from across my yard, and tonight she was the rain crying its way unto the earth.
I can smell her again, and god damn it I wish I could touch her, because I never knew grief could strangle me in such a profound way.

I wish I knew, where they go; where she went, and someday where I will go, too.
I can only describe what I know, metamorphosis; To change, and grow into something utterly beautiful.
And I hope when I awake tomorrow, she is waiting for me outside my window, whether she be a moth, a bird, or the bees I used to cry and run into her arms from.
My Suzanne, My Grandmother and mother, My truest friend.