deepundergroundpoetry.com
Does that mean you love me?
When you hold me tight and keep me close
and you cut me with your scalpel tongue
Does that mean you’ll hold me forever
When you kiss away my ruby cascades
put there by your paled knuckles
Does that mean you’ll kiss me for always
Do you stain my milky skin
black, blue, purple and red
To match the colors of your bruised heart
Do your sweet whiskey words of hate
find whispers in my ear
For the overwhelming love you have for me
When she scratches her nails down your back
as she is screaming out your name
Are you thinking of me and my devotion to you
When you come back to me and my open arms
after threading her body with your poison
Does that mean you will always come back to me
If the next time you walk through that door
I cut your heart out with a spoon
Will you think I never really loved you
and you cut me with your scalpel tongue
Does that mean you’ll hold me forever
When you kiss away my ruby cascades
put there by your paled knuckles
Does that mean you’ll kiss me for always
Do you stain my milky skin
black, blue, purple and red
To match the colors of your bruised heart
Do your sweet whiskey words of hate
find whispers in my ear
For the overwhelming love you have for me
When she scratches her nails down your back
as she is screaming out your name
Are you thinking of me and my devotion to you
When you come back to me and my open arms
after threading her body with your poison
Does that mean you will always come back to me
If the next time you walk through that door
I cut your heart out with a spoon
Will you think I never really loved you
Published 13th Apr 2012
| Edited 14th Apr 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 16
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
13th Apr 2012 11:02pm
what a strong write and so amazingly put...I absolutely love the colorful words and the cringe I felt when reading this!!!! Well Frickin Done
an Add to my List :) love it Rachel
an Add to my List :) love it Rachel
13th Apr 2012 11:50pm
Thank you so much MW
I am so glad you added this to your list
Your comments mean a lot to me :)
I am so glad you added this to your list
Your comments mean a lot to me :)
Anonymous
13th Apr 2012 11:13pm
Cringe is right-maybe I related too much-but it was an amazing read-powerful stuff here-I felt all the pain you put in it.
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Apr 2012 11:21pm
13th Apr 2012 11:17pm
yes my cringe was from personal experience too but Damn she did good!!!
13th Apr 2012 11:52pm
Thank you miki for the comment and the add, it truly means a lot to me :)
So terribly sorry that the two of you relate to this :(
So terribly sorry that the two of you relate to this :(
Anonymous
13th Apr 2012 11:56pm
That's how I feel when people relate to my painful ones-I just want to hug them-Its a great write xx
14th Apr 2012 00:17am
That's no man who treats you that way rachel and yes it was a great write , well done :)
14th Apr 2012 00:25am
You're right Paul, no man treats a woman that way...thank you for the comment :)
14th Apr 2012 1:15am
Very strong. Well structured. The writing of it goes beyond just the expression of the emotions and ideas, not to say that they aren't equally powerful. But the repetition and the repeated contrasts drive the message home. I'm not sure, however if you need the "with a spoon." I get what you mean by it but I think some other way to phrase "slowly and painfully" in its place might be more in keeping with the lines that precede it. Nice work.
14th Apr 2012 3:04am
Thanks so much Steve...I will ponder your idea a bit...I see what you are saying for sure...So glad that you commented :)
14th Apr 2012 3:12am
Rachel.
Great stuff.
I was left wondering if 'when' would be a better start for the first two stanzas.
'If' works but kind of implies that it has never happened yet and i got the feeling that the narrator was speaking from an experienced perspective.
I understand that if you put 'when' at the start of the first, you might have to change the start of the next line. I reckon 'and' would do the trick if you felt inclined to change them.
^this is just a thought.^
All in , very impressive writing Rachel.
Shine on!
Great stuff.
I was left wondering if 'when' would be a better start for the first two stanzas.
'If' works but kind of implies that it has never happened yet and i got the feeling that the narrator was speaking from an experienced perspective.
I understand that if you put 'when' at the start of the first, you might have to change the start of the next line. I reckon 'and' would do the trick if you felt inclined to change them.
^this is just a thought.^
All in , very impressive writing Rachel.
Shine on!
14th Apr 2012 3:46am
Eamon, such a great eye...thank you so much for your wonderful insight. You, of course are right.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by, read and comment.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by, read and comment.
Anonymous
23rd Apr 2012 5:07am
<< post removed >>
23rd Apr 2012 6:04am
That's terrible to know anyone who has gone through anything similar to this.
I appreciate your comment very much and thank you for the add as well. :)
I appreciate your comment very much and thank you for the add as well. :)
29th Jun 2013 1:00am
I still love this poem just like 'Anonymous' above me does. (: Like the greatest rock bands, your early work is the best. I know you enjoyed learning and writing different forms of poetry but i think you should return to your roots, Rachel. It's full of raw passion. By the way, i cut the poets i follow from about 50 to eight cuz I can't keep up. You are one of the elite eight. Look forward to seeing you appear on my updates.
Gemini
Gemini
15th Jul 2013 7:04am
