Nerve Damage

 
Heavy hearted I wake up
Facing the reality of who I’ve been
Resigning the hopes of future promise on the premise of a past tense sin

What is honesty and what is truth
When habits haunt me with tendencies of prone relapse
Running well in moments before I digress to the point that I collapse

Heart attacks of confidence cannibalized by the weight of an underlying shame
I’m not sure I know myself today but just for some semblance of name

Turn the page and speak grace once more
Tell me I can still anticipate all heaven has in store
When self is an idle cause that’s not worth living for
I confess that I am bankrupt as my spirit is poor

Starving for righteousness and a thirst that I can’t sate
When hopelessness utters threats to seal my world in a darker fate
Tell me that I’m not too far gone and it’s not too late
When I’m divided against myself, is it heaven or is it hell that I anticipate?

All bets placed, I bid my soul and sorrows on the cross
When all that is gain in the shape of vain accomplishment is loss
Humbled again as I reflect and pray for mercy to restore
This ache in me still speaks in a language that I can’t ignore

Brokenness, my plea on the bargains of my guilt admitted
Blood to purge identity of the ways that I’ve been counterfeited
When flesh and spirit collide in this warfare in which I have been pitted
Save me from me and all the ways that I’ve been twisted

Grievances, the damages and toll
Have mercy on my heart and salvage what is left of my wasted soul
As I purse my lips to kiss the ignited coal
Purge my words with fire and make my spirit whole

Redemption sweeter still from the day I first believed
Reawaken me from the lull of the ways I’ve been deceived
When upon Your word I still vow my faith to be received
For every promise secured by the sacrifice to which I’ve cleaved

All in on these hopes beyond all reason despite what equates to seem that I deserve
I still lay claim to the providence of salvation in boldness before the mercy seat as love reinstates my nerve

When I wield my tongue as with my life unwinding as I swerve
Wreck less as I am, yet grace compensates for the curve
Steady me now on the narrow way
When every morning mercy is new
I rise in the hope of a brand new day
As I draw my eyes from my own imperfection and fix my heart on You…