deepundergroundpoetry.com
Helios, Helios
When he woke up on Jupiter Three
There were two suns to see
He could not believe Helios had a twin
Where to look, where to begin?
But, wait, in the middle of each
Brownish circles and darker targets within
How could that be?
If he dared get closer, would he get burned
And into nothingness disappear?
He who dares, wins
Oh, but to the touch, so soft and creamy
The lights from each did not blind him
The targets harder and even more welcoming
How not to lose yourself and get closer and closer
Never mind if you burned your wings
Like that other Greek god
Life was worth it, he found
Seek, go,
And of chains be unbound.
There were two suns to see
He could not believe Helios had a twin
Where to look, where to begin?
But, wait, in the middle of each
Brownish circles and darker targets within
How could that be?
If he dared get closer, would he get burned
And into nothingness disappear?
He who dares, wins
Oh, but to the touch, so soft and creamy
The lights from each did not blind him
The targets harder and even more welcoming
How not to lose yourself and get closer and closer
Never mind if you burned your wings
Like that other Greek god
Life was worth it, he found
Seek, go,
And of chains be unbound.
Published 28th Mar 2023
Author's Note
..........for a comp.........
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 8
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28th Mar 2023 6:35pm
I think "When He Woke up on Jupiter Three" is a really interesting poem that paints a vivid picture of what it might be like to wake up on a distant planet and see two suns in the sky. The idea of Helios having a twin is cool, and the mystery of the brownish circles and darker targets within each sun is captivating. It makes me wonder what those targets could be and what it would be like to get closer to them.
The poem also has a message about taking risks and pushing boundaries, conveyed through the allusion to the Greek myth of Icarus. It's a reminder that sometimes we have to take chances and be willing to get burned out in order to achieve something great.
While I really enjoyed the imagery and the poem's message, I think it could benefit from further development. It would be great to see the themes and ideas explored more deeply and for the language to be polished and refined.
The poem also has a message about taking risks and pushing boundaries, conveyed through the allusion to the Greek myth of Icarus. It's a reminder that sometimes we have to take chances and be willing to get burned out in order to achieve something great.
While I really enjoyed the imagery and the poem's message, I think it could benefit from further development. It would be great to see the themes and ideas explored more deeply and for the language to be polished and refined.
28th Mar 2023 6:42pm
Appreciated indeed.
The idea of the two suns got to me last night as I was thinking of a sort of sci-fi poem. Then this theme for a competition got in the way and the result is this poem.
You are correct, this got rushed a bit and got thrown sideways, I was even tooooooooo rushed to check my ref for Icarus.
Must work on it. Perhaps more on the sci-fi side. Ah, distractions.
Regards, Robert.
The idea of the two suns got to me last night as I was thinking of a sort of sci-fi poem. Then this theme for a competition got in the way and the result is this poem.
You are correct, this got rushed a bit and got thrown sideways, I was even tooooooooo rushed to check my ref for Icarus.
Must work on it. Perhaps more on the sci-fi side. Ah, distractions.
Regards, Robert.
28th Mar 2023 8:47pm
29th Mar 2023 2:09pm
29th Mar 2023 2:25pm
29th Mar 2023 2:39pm
True. Yet some people can never let go of their chains, sadly. Regards, Robert.
1st Apr 2023 2:02am
I liked this robert, it's got raw sensuality and curiosity that draws the reader in.
Best of luck in the comp!
Best of luck in the comp!
1st Apr 2023 2:08pm
