Cracking Composure

My legs will never be toothpicks
And I’ll never be paper thin
They laugh at my stretched skin
And I flinch when I look in the mirror
The marks on my face
Tell me how I’m going to die
I freak out when I see people outside
Don’t look at me I might cry

There’s always something new
For me to hate
I chase self love
By running in place

I want to be happy
Without having to try
Be excited
Without being terrified
My heart started racing  
When they walked by
I’m hungover
From the adrenaline high
Fuck this fight or flight
I want a normal life

Pictures show me all my imperfections
I only look good in black reflections
When you can’t see my complexion
I have an obsession with perception
I question how normal people walk
While they stare and talk behind my back
I don’t know how to act
Don’t look at me I’ll have a panic attack

I play a song in my head
So I can’t think about anything
I stare at the ground or at the sky
I’ve tried a thousand different types of distractions
But my lungs still start collapsing
I want someone to help me
Without knowing what’s happening