"heaven" and "earth"

   
   
   
    "heaven".... projected to only be one version; like earth-one's taught to believe that few are deserving;    
   
like trying to maintain a certain gpa-for a spiritual realm or else you may be dismissed away from the "pearly gates"    
   
    measured by more than just your effort as a "good" person; you just may come up short-for not conforming to scripted verses written in days worsen than this....    
   
 death was/is but a millisecond-    
   
  like the heart beat of a deer once whole-to on a wall headless.... and the rest went, to some-body's breakfast....    
   
  so then-what do i believe? what's etched inside my brain like headstones in a cemetery?    
      
  perhaps one's very core essence, goes to where it's meant to be; despite the echoes of teeter totter common perspectives-maybe there's a spectrum like an in between....    
   
a neutrality.... where there's no exaggeration of "positive" and "negative" but yet a place of peace.... that's where I feel I know I need to be....while not having to "rest in peace" to get it....  
   
  if one didn't have to host a vessel-that'd be extra special; please indefinitely relieve me of my bones, blood, muscle, and fleshness....    
   
 though I'd like to keep my ability to "see"- be conscious and still able to feel only sensations of "happy" no longer weighed down by mortality....but freed into infinity....    
   
 i can't get with this whole simulation "testing" "sheep" led by a "shepard" philosophy-while slaughter to the vessel is what's destined....    
   
  it all feels so bizarre to me; like a "twisted dream" one never requested ...