A Shade of Gray

I read me in the darkness  
reaching for the light  
but the writing on my soul  
would not change wrong to right  
 
The pages of a lifetime  
turning through the years  
showed me I learned nothing  
from the laughter and the tears  
 
I wish I'd found some freedom  
before the world conspired  
to steal the dreams I lost  
beyond my heart's desire  
 
They say when nothing matters  
then time learns to forget  
but sadness only grows  
into weeds we call regret  
 
There'll be no second chances  
to clear away the past  
no magic wand to wave  
at questions God must ask