I undoubtedly concur,
These days are going by like a blur,
I haven't had much chance to discuss with you
The things that I've been going through.
When I lie my head down on my bed,
I've got some concerns about something you said,
I know I've shown tremendous emotional growth,
And I know you've seen said personal growth,
But we talked about my concerns with talking to my work crush,
And how if we become friends, because I don't want to rush,
At some point, I'll tell him how I feel, even if we stay friends,
What could happen, what could occur, what events,
How I'm afraid that he might not like me
Because I'm a few years older, honestly,
About how it might be weird to others since I'm the older one,
(Even though, if you didn't know us, you'd think he was the older one)
About how I'm not used to crushing on anyone
Who isn't at least twenty-thirty years older or more,
So this is new to me, has never happened before,
And I thought about what you were saying,
You said if things went well, and we ended up dating,
That you wouldn't worry, because of this reason, standing,
I'm not completely one hundred percent mature you said,
Not emotionally in many ways (even with ones where I'm ahead),
And said that's because I'm not looking for anything impure
(Or however you worded it before),
And that makes me wonder, do you see me as immature
Because of my greysexuality?
Because of my almost complete lack of desire for sexuality?
Being immature is not a good thing, I don't think?
Unless you mean childlike, but that's not what I think.
I'm trying to be mature, but have seemed to make a detour,
And people keep saying they won't date someone immature,
And everyone acts like immature is wrong,
So it's only right, that I also see it as wrong,
Since immature people have often hurt others,
But really, I'm just not quite as mentally old as others,
Not as worldly as the rest of the world, as others.
I feel like if I'm immature in a bad way, and not seeing it,
Then by all means, help me by pointing it out, do it,
Because this means I haven't reached a mental level of worthy,
And also, I wanna know, is who I am, what makes me not worthy?
Is the fact that almost all the time, I don't like sexual stuff
Mean that I'm not that mature, and therefore what I say's not a bluff,
And I'm not trying just to get in his head and into his bed?
Or does it mean that I'm not mature enough to date
All because I don't have a bed goal for a date?
Therefore making me not worthy, because I'm not sexual?
Or did you mean it differently, and this was contextual?
Did you mean it in a good way?
Or did you mean it in a bad way?
You also mentioned right away, your friend
Who happens to by several years, be older than her husband,
But waited to date, until several years after they initially met,
Was this because you felt that we couldn't date yet,
Because I thought for some reason, for a long time I had to wait?
Or was that because you thought/think for a long time, I have to wait?
I'm not looking to start any argument,
I'm just genuinely confused as to what you meant.
Written by Orc_Pirate_68 (Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
Author's Note
#MildlyFrustrated #Ennui
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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