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Suicidal Confession

Emmie knocked on the door of her dad’s office nervously. She promised her Grams she would talk to Shaw about the letter. He wouldn’t understand. Anytime she talked he didn’t pay attention to her.
     “Come in!”
Emmie made her way into the room turning to where her dad’s desk sat. She heard the sigh of disapproval as she made her way to the couch.
      “Emmie, what are you doing here?”
      “I need to talk to you. It’s something I’ve been hiding, and you need to know.”
Shaw stared at his daughter as a dreadful feeling came to his stomach. Emmerson used to tell him everything, now she’s barely looks t him. Why can’t she see I’m trying to protect her?
      “Okay, what is it sweetie?”
      “I um, well I’ve been really depressed this past year. I feel like I’m worthless.”
      “You aren’t worthless, and you know that. This is your disability talking…”
      “I wrote a suicide note!” Emmie hissed.
She gripped her walking stick so tight her knuckles ached as they turned white. She couldn’t see Shaw’s face, but she heard his gasp. Then heard him as he opened and closed his mouth. Tears formed in her eyes as the silence remained.
      “No, no you didn’t. You aren’t considering killing yourself.” Shaw whispered.
      “Yes, I am. I’m not lying, and I wouldn’t lie about this. Dad, I am not okay.”
      “Absolutely not! How could you consider putting your mother and I through this? After everything we’ve done for you. After nearly losing you in the fire! Emmerson why are you so ungrateful?”
Emmerson shook her head as she stared towards her father’s voice. Of course, he would make this about him. I am the one who is miserable in my own skin.
      “I’m not ungrateful Dad. I’m depressed. This isn’t about you, it’s about me being unhappy.”
      “Obviously, you aren’t happy. I’ve done everything for you! I spent countless hours with you at the hospital, I made the house safe for you. I bought you the dog you love so much. If you hadn’t had ran into the burning building in the first place you wouldn’t be so miserable! How can you be so selfish?”
He watched as his daughter gasped covering her mouth before sitting on the couch. Selfish! I’ve never been selfish my whole life. A sob of frustration left her lips as she looked back towards Shaw.
      “I wish I had died in that barn. You haven’t treated me like your daughter since that night. At least if I was dead you wouldn’t have so much hate for me!”
      “I don’t hate you Emmerson! How can you think I hate you?”
      “Because you can’t see with your own eyes how miserable I am. You threaten me almost everyday that you’ll send me to a group home for the blind. If you send me there, you’ll be the reason your only daughter is dead. You can call me selfish all you want but I’m only telling you the truth. I am suicidal dad. I have a plan, I’m just to afraid to do it.”
Before another word could be spoken, Quinn came through the door. She heard them outside the door. Emmerson wiped her eyes as she looked towards her shoes.
      “Quinn, did you know about this? Did you know Emmie’s charade of claiming to be suicidal?”
“Shaw! It isn’t a charade. How can you possibly say that?”
“I hate you! Why do you treat me like this? Emmerson cried before she got up and found her way to the door.
“You don’t hate me! You hate yourself! You hate the fact that you can’t see. Why are you acting like I despise you?”
“You do despise me! You despise everything about me. I do hate myself because you made me! All your resentful comment and harsh actions. You can’t even look at me anymore. Not without being disgusted.”
Once the door slammed shut, Quinn turned scowling coldly at the man she once thought was so devoted to his children. She pulled the letter Ruthanne had given to her. Shaw watched as she handed it to him hardly looking at him.
      “Read this, and you’ll change your perspective on what Emmie just told you.” Quinn whispered.
      “How long have you known?”
      “Two weeks, I didn’t tell you because Emmerson didn’t realize I knew. Your mom found the letter at her place. Shaw, I can’t believe what you said to her. I hope she doesn’t act on her plan because of you.”
Quinn slammed the door behind her as she left to go search for her daughter. Shaw sat down in his chair as he unfolded the letter in his hands.

To my family,
I’m writing you this letter because what I’m about to say…I can’t say to your faces.  By the time you find this, I will be gone.  I couldn’t continue feeling so worthless.  I feel I am nothing but a burden to you all. I never wanted to be a burden. I know you hate having me around because I require so much work.  I’ve tried to get used to being blind, but I can’t do it.  Every day I am reminded that I will never see again and that I’m not normal. I know Dad hates me because I saved the horses from that fire. I couldn’t allow them to burn to death. They were my life. I wish he would understand that. I don’t understand why he hates me. If it’s because I’m blind than Dad, you a very heartless. Cruel and Heartless. Life has been hell for me since I returned from the hospital. I can no longer be around the animals that I so desperately loved. I can’t do anything without being scolded. My life has no meaning anymore. I wake up every day and spend the day in my room or at Grams doing nothing but talk about the past. I find myself wishing that I had died beside the horses in the fire. There is no future for me. I have no friends, and no one I can go to for my problems. I cry myself to sleep every night. I just can’t continue trying to survive through my suffering. So, I’ve decided to take my own life. There will be no more pain. I will no longer have to be a constant reminder of better time for our family.  I am sorry to put you all through this, but I simply am tired of fighting a never-ending battle. To Mom & Grams, thank you for your never-ending love and support. To my brothers, thank you for being my best friends and To dad, I’m sorry I am such a burden for you. Goodbye and I will be watching over you all.
Love. Emmerson.

Shaw shook his head as he tore the piece of paper up and through it in the garbage can. My baby is suicidal and has a plan on how to kill herself. He thought as he picked up her senior picture from his desk. My own daughter thinks I hate her. I don’t hate her. I’m trying to protect her. He thought as he looked at his boots.
Written by Countrygirl96
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