DUP Last Will and Testament (for when I'm truly deep underground though I'd prefer to be cremated)

in honor of your tolerating my TMI poetry
I bequeath one lucky poet my 12 year old cat
she will slow blink adoringly at you
lower your blood pressure with her contented purring
and only occasionally
pee on your bed

for all the support
of my ADD poetic ramblings
I will arrange to have sent to each of you
a token of my appreciation
which
on my budget
will be one of the following:
a Jolly Rancher hard candy
or a fun-sized Twix bar
Choose wisely

I also bequeath
a couple dozen unfinished poems
to anyone bored or interested
I suggest you turn them into limericks
Especially the erotic ones

Lastly
I bequeath
my 7th grade teaching job
-its what killed me-
You will be frequently amused
Occasionally delighted
[s]Stressed beyond the limits of human tolerance[/s]
And seldom bored!

To celebrate my life please do most of the following:
Listen to music by The Who, The Prodigy, Slade, Sparks, Roy Wood,
and Guns N Roses
Go to a laser show
Search for the Northern Lights
Continue to inspire, titillate, entertain, and comfort the DUP community by sharing your unique and powerful writing talents

Defintely do the last one

Or I'll haunt you