Back to life Back to reality

As I fill my emptiness with cocaine
powdering the dark thoughts and loneliness with a lot of white
witness the rejection I should feel without feeling the care for myself
if I die now my only regret is even being born to begin with

when no one likes you fuck love you are already dead
it is just a matter of time before it all comes to an end
as my memory fade into the ether no life no purpose
behold I have nothing and no one as all I had was taken away from me
she belongs to someone else I am the one she hates

I desire to die everyday that I wake without a doubt I hate being hated
I hate when love hurts daily on repeat to always be the enemy
to always be the only recipient of your pain depression and silence

so while sitting with nothing to say I'll contemplate my death
probably take the Covid vaccine in every hospital till my heart gives in
any suggestions for a quick death I am still trying to end myself

I would rather be loved but at this point all I know is fake emotions
this relationship hurts but I keep hope that someday It wouldn't
I am the recipient of all your pain and problems is it worth your rejection

to be tolerated for what good dick? promises and dreams of pussy
I feel like you force yourself to be with me since you prefer to be alone
either way keep it up I'll marry you just to make you a widow again

you do not respect the love you claim I am your child your little bitch
the thing you use to dry the tears and make the pain feel better
where is my feel better person to talk to that would love me better

where are my compliments and words of comfort and love babe
you would cherish anything over me that is how I feel about this
to get a financial lecture from you everytime you send some change

or have my feelings hurt because you keep telling me we are true today
you tell me all the hurtful things I love to hear constantly my love
you reject me in every way possible you have no feelings or love
don't forget Tobago and what transpired that was true love huh

Reality I am the only one you treat this poorly

every conversation about me is about you and your feelings
the way to take everything I say and immediately turn it sour
If I said I dreamt my dead mother you would say it's the devil

Nothing pleasing to my ears to further conversation but rejection
I guess I see why we both have nothing left to say to each other
you hate compliments from me so you don't take or give them

I am literally a nobody the way I am treated but it's ok thank you
you won't miss something you never cherished maybe if I was fair
and gay with a ras or overweight and sick shit might work out for me

not calling no name but you know of whom I speak you love everyone
even a fucking tree while you run from me in every way and hide like I am the plague your excuses doesn't speak for me nor am I willing to listen to more abuse
I talk but you don't listen or care so why bother, I'll leave you to get back to who is important to you don't cry I will be in a better place soon.