Confessions of A Schizophrenic

I step into this poem with a premonition -
I will let the world know who I am.
What shall I find beyond the fog of uncertainty?
What have I failed to recognize in this life?
Well, this is not a life; this is not a dream.  

How porous is the wall
that divides my mind?  
That divides reality from dreams.  
Oh, but the dream world allows me to feel
what I thought was never real.  

In this world, I feel peace and serenity  
and all my characters welcome me
with open arms and a thank you
for the noble heart
I’ve always felt morally obliged to offer.  
  
On the dreamy side of the wall,  
the sun drapes its warmth over my face;  
its rays blanket my skin - shielding me
from the cold and bitter side of reality.  
Oh, how I love to imagine a normal life.

Always drawn to this thinning barrier,  
I’ll jump up and cling to the edge, peering over.  
What a strange world reality is!
I’ll see figures in the distance, laughing, conversing.  
Their silhouettes eerily presented in the moonlight of veracity.  

I can feel the chill
of reality assaulting my face.  
Oh, what a bitter world!  
None of these bodies seem to mind the dimness,
the cold; they’re happy. How?  

I’ll stare beyond this crumbling wall.
Now and again, someone will stop, turn and stare at me.  
I don’t know what they think or feel.
It’s too dark for me to know.  
I’ll see the whiteness of their eyes; I know they stare.  
 
One day two silhouettes strolled along.
With faint voices, they gazed in my direction
as their pace slowed and voices faded.  
Then a roar of laughter charged my way,
ricocheting, and echoing across the world of reality.  

In the cold, lengthy plumes of breath emerged.  
One shook his head; the other stared at me;
their white eyes piercing the darkness like two arrows.  
The wall, however; shielded me… as it always has.  
I’m home here. Nothing can hurt me… no judgments.  
 
I gaze and ponder at the real world.  
Frigid gusts of rejection
attack my exposed inner self;  
their vicious assaults quite overpowering,
as I felt the warmth of acceptance behind me…  

A warm hand came to rest upon my shoulder.  
I turned to the light to see
a sun-lit face, washed in a flush complexion.
Belonging to a gorgeous person.
Those eyes… oh, those eyes drew me in.  

The smile thawed me.
A tear of contentment
flew down my cheek.  
The lips of that perfect smile spoke to me,
“Come back home Daniel.”