deepundergroundpoetry.com

you are all i ever wanted.

There is one lyric in a song I've been listening to nonstop that is so simple, but it sums up my feelings for you perfectly:
  
"All I want to do is to be with you."  
   
Of course, it's natural that one who loves another would want to be with that person. But, it's all about context, right?  
   
For instance,  
   
Do you know how painful it is to see you laugh and smile so easily with another girl?  
   
Do you know how hard I try to make excuses just to talk to you alone?  
   
Do you know how much I long to sit close to you during meetings?  
   
Do you know how many times I've dreamed of reaching out to you?  
   
All I want to do, is to be with you.  
   
There is so much to give to you, so much to say to you, so much to understand about you, but, my desires for you amount to nothing but scraps because...  
   
I am nothing but a burden that keeps you from moving forward.  
   
That girl with whom you get along with so well? Make sure you never lose her.    
   
Though, I bet that she is someone who will stick by you, even after you move on.  
   
People who bring out the best in you exist only once or twice in a lifetime, and they will never leave you.  
   
People who hold you back will exist at any point in time, even if, they never intended to burden you.  
   
All I want to do is to be with you.  
   
But I am more selfish staying, than I would be leaving.  
   
---  
   
Again,  
   
I never wanted these feelings.  
   
I feel so filthy. It's absolutely disgusting how much I love you.  
   
Fuck.    
   
I've been job searching for days, and this is the fifth time that I'm wiping my tears all over my glasses again.  
   
Why is it even harder for me to leave you? I never asked for you to come into my life in the first place.  
   
I bet you have no clue how hard it is to confess at work, do you?    
   
Are you even attracted to girls? You know what? Forget I even asked.  
   
God, I hate you.  
   
I hate that you did this to me without actually doing anything. All you had to do was show up, and that's what led me into this snot-filled shithole.  
   
You have made me realize how much I was missing out of my life, and now, I can't even have what I've been missing---I live and re-live that reality every, single, day.  
   
That kind of heartbreak, is fucking immeasurable.  
   
You...  
   
You better remember me.  
   
If I can't be with you at all, then at the very least, remember me when I'm gone.  
   
---  
   
You told me: "I'd gladly write you a reference letter, if you found another job."    
   
It's as if you wanted to be the first person to send me off with good graces, or otherwise.  
   
Is it really that easy for you to see me leave?  
   
I guess, at work, I'm just another employee so, use me while I'm here.  
   
Ask me to do favours for you while there's still time.  
   
Vent your frustrations out to me whenever you need to.  
   
Criticize what I'm doing so that I can be of better use to you.  
   
Because, I want to give everything I can to you before I leave.    
   
Even if it's just work to you, it'll mean everything to me if it makes you just a bit happier than yesterday.  
   
---  
   
All this time, I loved being with you.  
   
I loved seeing you smile, and hearing you laugh.  
   
I loved watching you be the smartest person in the room.  
   
I loved hearing you light up about things you're passionate about.  
   
I loved being amazed by everything you do every single day.  
 
You never had to do anything but be yourself,

That is why I loved you.
Written by ohmy_engrish (^-^)
Published
Author's Note
It's impossible to move on from feelings that you don't acknowledge, and so, I'm writing this so that I can move on, bit by bit, from my own feelings. The grief of it all weighs heavily on me every day, but I know I have to move on at some point. Considering how tough things are at work, I don't think I have much of a choice now, really.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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