Echoing Regret

I loved you,  
But I did it in the worst way,
So how can I blame you,
Since you chose to walk away?
 
I don't!! (...blame you!),
I hope that you know,
This one is definitely on me,
I know, for you, you needed to go.
 
I should have saught counseling,
But instead, I chose to talk to you.
And all the emotions that I struggled with,
Changed your yellow to blue.
 
I don't know why I didn't see,
And I'm embarrassed & ashamed,
That what I thought was trusting you,
Was leaving your heart maimed.
 
The pain harbored inside,
Was always on display,
And it chipped away at you,
Day after day, after day.
 
I was too self-absorbed,
In my self-righteous attitude,
To take a step back and see,
The pain I was causing you.
 
There is no eraser,
For the marks that I made,
But after some time,
Perhaps awful memories will fade.
 
A healthy person knows,
That's not how we treat our friends,
Not how we treat our love,
Because if we do, it will end.
 
If I could go back,
I'd be there for you, not for myself,
I'd give you more to remember,
Than anxiety, & bitterness left on a shelf.
 
I love you, even now,
And though I showed it horribly then,
I wish somehow I could show you,
How I should have been.
 
But I can't.