Really So Cheap?

So you think I'm cheap, do you?
That's not very nice!
I would normally spank someone on their big fat ass for sayin' that!
However, you may well have a point, sadly.

What made you think I was made of money anyway?
Couldn't be in the way I dress in my sad green trousers,
With the cargo leg pockets that I kept from my previous employer!
Ahhhh, you heard about my recent decent redundancy payout then?

Well, missy, that'll only stretch so far...
I can't afford expensive hotels, convince me!

I was thinking something more along the lines of Hooker Alley,
That low budget, outskirts of town, where only the brave dare to tread -
Type place.

We'll be stayin' in most of the night anyway, baby,
Taking care of one another with a pizza to go, right?!
So, why does this place have to be luxurious -
Unless you know somewhere better?
Cos fuck knows if I do, I'm just an Englishman, remember?!

You like my spunky attitude anyway,
I know that, so...
It gives me a bit of licence to take the piss...

But you look like the strict sort to me,
So I'm not sure what lines I have crossed, if any?
Gosh, what if I have unwittingly crossed them -
You'll forgive me, right?

Can I sweet talk my way outa this without any pain?

I'm a sucker for your green eyes by the way -
But it'll be far cheaper to do this without ya, bitch!

So... what ya got?!