The Things I Miss

There are plenty of things that I miss
Plenty that I look back upon with simple bliss
I never knew how simple it could be
To lose all semblance of reality

-Sitting with the stars every night
-Seeing my own Sky perform it's ritual for only me
-Listening to the world revolve for me
-Thinking my universe intersects with yours
-Seeing the clouds that pass on by
-Breathing with the stars that are plastered on my ceiling
-Understanding my place when I look up
-Knowing my significance
-Seeing that which others miss

The sky pretends to be bright here
Even though it is perpetually clear
I know what I've seen is faulty and lost
I'm keeping my sanity but at what cost

-Never being mad
-Never being sad
-Never being manic
-Never being depressed
-Not getting regular panic attacks
-Continually breathing
-Not waking before the dawn
-Not pretending to care
-Having people to care about
-Not having to talk
-Not having to scream
-Not being forced to pretend to believe

I keep sitting back down when I don't want to
Maybe this time you'll understand my clue
It's not you it's me in this reality
When I know in my heart that I must close this pantry

-Being needed
-Being wanted
-Being someone alive
-Being seen
-Being heard
-Being never seen as contrived
-Being existent
-Being loved
-Being free enough to speak to the moon
-Being true
-Being real
-Being someone who knew

I miss the days of yore when my heart skipped a beat
Now it just sits in my chest with simple utter defeat
I know it's still pumping since I am still breathing
But it doesn't feel more than death covered with frosting

-Standard life
-Standard home
-Standing of living
-Standard everything
-Standard breathing
-Standard walking
-Standard sleeping
-Standard standard
-Standard living

I can keep listing the things that I know that I miss
But I cannot ignore what is contained in my fist
A letter? A note? A dash of new hope?
A lasting impression of how I can cope

-Not leaving your side
-Being home near you
-Never being alone
-Not being ignored

Maybe it's what I miss the most that has kept me from living
But I don't want my memories to continually leave me