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The Sword of Mordred: Part IX
- The Sword of Mordred: Part IX -
After I had returned from my quest in search of the Holy Grail, which had been so successful not only for myself but for Sir Bors as well, though we were the only knights to return from it... I did go back to my tower in the Golden Woods, and there to the warm arms of my beloved wife Kundry. During all the time in which I had been absent, which was considerable, the woman who was handling all my affairs of business and the management of my lands and holdings for me, Melisande, had so adopted two little boys whom she named Melehan and Menehir. The two of them she declared to by my heirs since there was no way for me to produce an heir from my own blood... and by all the laws of the land the two of them were thus considered as if they had indeed been of my blood in every respect. They were sent to live with my aunt Morgan, who had returned to the Orkney islands and taken up trying to mend things there between herself and the rest of my family. For several years all was well and quite pleasant, for I knew a sense of peace both within myself and within my life that I had before that point never known in quite the same way. Of the doings at Camelot, I distanced myself for a time and had to be honest lost a great deal of respect for Llwch Lleminawg, whose treatment of the princess Elaine of Corbenic... which led to her death, from a broken heart... disturbed me greatly enough that I felt no longer comfortable in the times when I was around him. For ever there was the fear that he might abandon me to death in the same way. I saw him now as faithless and dishonorable, and it made me realize why it was that the pale blade Albion had chosen me to be its' wielder instead of him, who had carried it previously. Word soon reached me of a tremendous disagreement between him and the High King, my father Arthur, over all manner of different things but mostly in regard to whether or not the two men had done enough to save the former High Queen, Gwenhyver, from the terrible events that had claimed her life. That strife led to a debate over whether or not the current High Queen, Guinevere, even loved Arthur at all. Soon it was, that when put to the question over this matter she claimed that in fact she did not and that she had first in her heart loved me back in Lyonesse before deciding to see whether Arthur would prove a good sort of husband for her after all. In a fit of rage, Arthur placed her on trail for being unfaithful... even though since marrying him she had been with no one else. But he declared that since her heart belonged to me, then that made her unfaithful to him regardless. Llwch Lleminawg, at the trial, let slip that I was in fact the vessel for the soul and spirit of the dead queen, Gwenhyver, and this led to people beginning to call me the “False Gwenhyver” due to my sometimes ruthless reputation that somehow I had managed to be earning myself despite having tried always to be honorable, decent, and right in all things. Some seized upon my recent choice to live as woman in order to slander me... claiming that I was nothing more than an evil younger twin of sorts to the former High Queen, and poor substitute for her glory. But for all of those who spoke thus about me, many more did rally to my side and say that since I was in a way very much Gwenhyver reborn... then I should be the rightful High Queen after all. They pressured Arthur to name me his heir officially, since they reasoned that given that Arthur was remarried now to Guinevere he could at least still name me his heir so that one day I could rule as High Queen once again. But he so did not only refuse to do so, he even went so far as to say that I was a wicked abomination and a sort of demon, for he believed that it was impossible for someone to return from the dead. I was called out to Camelot to speak at Guinevere's trail in my defense and hers, but things grew only worse and worse as the situation at the High King's court became immensely hostile. Arthur ordered the executions of both myself and Guinevere, but before the orders could be carried out... Llwch Lleminawg did rush to rescue the two of us, bringing horses into the throne room itself so that we could all get away quickly. He did ride all the way to the Golden Woods at my request, and there he dropped Guinevere and I off before in the end deciding to hurry back to Camelot in an attempt to smooth things over and calm the High King before anything more rash and destructive could occur. This was how the doom of Camelot began. Due to jealousy, rage, and bitterness in my father's heart. His kingdom, was on the verge of being torn apart!
Around this time, a large force of Saxons did arrive on the shores of Ynys Prydain, and they did make landfall in the Orkney islands where they made peace with my family there in an effort to try and gain a group of allies that could help them conquer as much of the country as they could. By that point in time, my brothers were no longer living in the Orkney islands anymore, for they had taken up their residence in Camelot. When word came to them of the alliance between their kin and the Saxons, they did break from our family and declared their sole fealty to Arthur. I saw some advantage in all of this for myself... and so along with Kundry, Melisande, Guinevere and my two sons I traveled to the Orkney islands and left the Golden Woods in the care of my must trusted servants that still remained there. We took a large company of our most trusted soldiers with us to act as our bodyguards, and arrived safely in the lands of my family. Morgan the Fey was at this time the true power that ran things in the Orkney islands, and all who knew her feared her displeasure. It was she who met with the Saxon leaders, and even they did fear her, and her power, greatly. She had turned the holdings of my family there, into a fortified domain that nearly rivaled Camelot itself... and quickly she was managing to turn the Saxons into a force that was so allied with her own goals that they may as well have been her own private mercenary army. Only she did not have to pay them... instead they paid her tribute in return for her bolstering their numbers with a good amount of her own loyal warriors. Her stated goal was to capture Camelot, seize the throne from Arthur, who had become little more than a mad tyrant, slay the High King and place me upon the throne in his place, with Guinevere at my side. Kundry would by named princess, and my two sons would thus inherited everything upon my death. That was the plan she went over with me, and to which I agreed. It was undecided whether I would be named High Queen alongside Guinevere, thus making it a kingdom ruled over by two High Queens jointly... or whether I would decide to claim the title of High King after all. Either would be the eventual outcome in the end, and the Saxons would so be granted lands of their own, with their leaders being given royal titles. They would have it better than they had expected, and would never again need to go invading this land or that in search of treasure and glory any longer. If all went well, both of those things would come to them! And so they swore great and terrible oaths that did bind them with honor and fealty to the cause of myself and my family. Also, the old ways would remain honored and be restored to their former glory, with the ancient Pagan traditions returning to their former prominence. Christianity would no longer be considered a religion equal in standing to the old ways. Of course this turn of events caused my father to view me as a traitor and an enemy of Camelot, and it was said of him that he swore to see my head mounted upon a pike outside of his castle, once he did receive word of what was transpired in the Orkney islands. All of his knights, my brothers included, renewed of their knightly vows and pledged to see the High King's justice done. It was no longer justice for him, at this point, however! This was about revenge. He came to believe that I had turned Guinevere's heart full against him, and even swore that with the assistance of his greatest champion I abducted her. Her made a great show, people said, of pardoning Llwch Lleminawg... but although all of his other knights swore to slay me and return Guinevere to Arthur's side, Llwch refused to do so and left Camelot upon his own. No one knew where he went... or what it was he planned to do. He never came north to meet with us in the Orkney islands, and any spies we had throughout the land especially in the regions surrounding the Golden Woods said that he was not sighted by them either. I partly had expected him to either swear his fealty to my father, who had ever been his very best of friends since the two men would both young... or to come to my and pledge himself to me, accepting at last that I truly was still his Gwenhyver. I wanted this, to be the event that made him at last decide to stick by someone he claimed to love, to show me in the end that he had some measure of honor to him after all. When he did not, then in my heart I had not any choice but to give him up and let him go. I allowed myself to weep for him, as the part of me that in fact was still the former High Queen realized that she had loved this man in vain. But during the course of all these events, she lost both her greatest lover and her former husband. There was no turning back!
The last news I ever heard again out of Camelot, was that Arthur had declared a relative of his named Constantine to be his heir in the event of his death. He assumed he would still prevail against us, and in that assumption figured that his kingdom would live on no matter what happened to him. On the last of the peaceful nights I would ever see again in that life, Morgan told me that she planned to take Kundry with her to Avalon, where my beloved wife would be safe no matter how terribly things went in the war to come. She would be leaving me in full command of the Orkney islands and all of the military might that we now had at our disposal there. Melisande was going with her, and along the way Melisande did intend to take Guinevere to a convent that hid a secret temple dedicated to the old gods and goddesses of the land. However... before all of that was to take place, Morgan and Melisande granted me a single full day and night to spend with Kundry and Guinevere, which I was quite grateful for. The fortress we now called home did not have any of the play rooms for Kundry that our tower in the Golden Woods so did. We could take precious little with us from there when we moved to the Orkney islands. This was a place built for defense and the planning of war. It had precious few comforts, and since Kundry was but a little girl who still looked only eleven years old at the most, and probably would even long after I was dead, the current state of affairs was quite difficult for her to handle. Guinevere, as a princess from old Lyonesse, was likewise used to greater comforts than what we had now. I promised them both that if we succeeded in winning this conflict... they would have greater comforts than any they had known before. It was a splendid evening, the moon was large and full in the heavens, and all the stars were out and did sparkle brilliantly. This fortress had been built atop some of the natural craggy cliffs near the sea, and it was from here that my mother once solidified her power as the notorious “Witch Queen” of the Orkney islands. I wondered... if she had lived, what part would she play in the events to come? A walkway did run around and about the fortress, and the designs of the place were mostly inspired by ancient Roman architecture. It was upon this walkway that I walked with the two women whom I had come to love the most in life... Kundry, was upon one arm, and Guinevere upon the other. The two women wore flowing white gowns with long, wide sleeves. And child in body or not, ever did I regard Kundry as nothing less than an ideal and perfect woman... which is why I refer to her as such at this point in my telling of these events. About their waists were golden sash belts tied in small neat bows at their sides. They wore soft white slippers upon their feet... and they had all of their most beautiful jewelry and their most elegant circlets to adorn themselves with. Their hair was styled elegantly, and I saw in their eyes both endless love and deepest sorrow, as they feared that following this they might not ever see me again. I shall so describe them both one last time, to immortalize the beauty and sadness of that moment. Guinevere's skin was dusky but not dark, and her hair was pale blonde, extremely curly, and had golden highlights throughout the soft tresses thereof. As ever, she wore her hair long. She had deep, dark blue eyes like so unto the deepest waters of an endless ocean. Her face was heavily freckled, somewhat exotic looking... round, with somewhat broad features and large full lips. She was quite large boned and rather heavy set, but not overweight at all. She was simply a big woman, but not as big as her loving heart. So that was Guinevere, whose true name was Gwendoline. Kundry, was very slender, her face cherubic and sweet looking, her bright blue eyes filled with childlike innocence. If it can be so said, that Guinevere's eyes were like unto the sea, then Kundry's were like unto the azure of the daytime sky. Kundry's hair was a golden blonde color, and I cannot count how oft my fingers ran through the strands of it, savoring the brightness of that soft gold which was greater than any treasure I could ever touch. She had plump, very kissable lips, big eyes, and light skin that was normal in tone and nothing at all like the chalk white of my own flesh. She was sometimes of a nervous disposition and prone to fidgeting a lot or talking a bit fast at times. But I loved hearing her talk because her voice was high, lilting, and lovely to hear. No less beautiful to me was the sound of Guinevere's voice, which was both earthy and soft at the same time... though there was a strange accent to it that I never could manage to place, though I was used to it now.
I was much older now, and years of worry and care had been etched upon my face. I was an albino, a hermaphrodite, and though I had fully functioning male genitalia even so I was as much a woman as I was a man. I had high cheekbones, an aquiline nose, small lips, and grayish blue almond-shaped eyes. My ears were tapered to an extent, but not enough for them to be pointed. My face was round, and had become more so over the years... to the point where it resembled the sort of face certain eunuchs have. I was of quite average build, and had a somewhat pronounced abdomen which gave my body more of a feminine look to it than it should have otherwise. I had feminine hips, and a buttocks shaped like that of a woman, rather than a man. I had long eyelashes, and had taken to using cosmetics... makeup, such as there was of it in those days... in order to make my appearance as feminine as I possibly could. I kept both my face and body clean shaven at all times, and was so upon this night I am relating herein. It was no secret that I was weaker in body than most men, but I made up for that by making use of the white sword Albion whenever I had to do battle. It was enchanted in some way that made it almost as if the blade did the fighting for me, guiding my hand as I used it. All these years, and it had never failed me. I was wearing a long purple gown with short but wide elbow-length sleeves upon that night, the whole of the garment being also quite richly embroidered with elaborate designs upon it that I thought were quite pretty. About my waist was a blood red sash belt that was tied in the same manner as the belts worn by my two beautiful companions. I wore a pair of leather sandals on my feet. My head was shaved, and my eyebrows were likewise shaved. Some might have considered my appearance to be quite strange, but in the eyes of those who knew me and loved me, I was angelically beautiful. The two women sang for me, and tried to calm my own rather fraying nerves. We spoke of more pleasant times, and Guinevere said to me that she regretted having ever sought Arthur's hand in marriage. “He is such an evil man, and it is true that I should have heeded your warning to me regarding him.” she said unto me, adding: “Had I so done that, then truly this conflict would never have come to pass.” But I explained to her: “The Saxons are no friend to Arthur, and sooner or later the battle lines would have been drawn and we would still be finding ourselves here, now, just like this. Do not regret the past, my queen, but rather think only of the future that yet might be for all of us.” She began to cry in a way that was so terrible I feared she was in actuality having a complete breakdown from so much stress. She said to me through her tears: “Please, Mordred... or Mordra... or whatever it pleases you to be called! Do not call me queen any longer. For I wish to have not the title that my marriage to Arthur cursed me with. When next, I wish for you to call me a queen, I desire it to be that it is you who are reigning at my side. Not him!” I took her in my arms, held her until she stopped crying, and then we kissed passionately. Kundry glided over with all the pure grace of a skilled dancer and she tugged upon my gown asking: “What about me, my love?” and then I did take her into my arms and kiss her next with equal passion. We then retired to our chambers and in them were laid out a veritable sea of soft pillows, cushions and blankets. The fireplace was ablaze, and the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore outside was quite soothing. Though the rooms of that fortress in which we then dwelt were quite spartan, we allowed ourselves this much comfort at least. As we entered the chambers... my two lovely companions, sat down upon the cushions and bade me to join them. I kissed them both very intensely, and then they kissed each other before taking turns kissing me yet again. Then, together, all three of us made love. We had never made love together like this before... but I wanted it this way... and they desired it even more than I did. And so it was! It was on that night at last that I decided to embrace my identity as Mordred once more... and allow Gwenhyver's spirit to rest in peace within me as much as she ever would be able to. If we won the war, then the land would have a new High King, and I was determined that it would be me. I was full of hope, joy, and contentment as I drifted off to sleep in the arms of my two blessed angels. We ate a late supper beforehand, and all in all it ended up being a perfect day as well as a wonderful evening. On the morrow I would bid farewell and good journey to my two soulmates, before beginning to prepare the Orkney islands for the coming war.
Morgan and Melisande succeeded in their mission and so arrived at their destinations having brought the two whom I loved and adored so much to safety. I waited to receive word form them by messenger before beginning the campaign against Arthur. Within the week that news came, and within the month we were ready to march southwards towards Camelot. The army I led was vast, the largest army that all the folk of the north had ever seen up to that point. I wore a black breastplate over a black knee-length tunic with long sleeves, and beneath my tunic I wore a pair of baggy white pantaloons tucked into my soft black leather boots. I had a blood red leather belt about my waist and my sword was sheathed at my side. A blood red leather vest padded my chest between my tunic and breastplate, and upon my hands I wore a pair of soft black leather gloves. On my head was an helmet with an open face and a high plume which was scarlet in color. Over my attire, I wore a long scarlet cloak with no hood. The design of the helmet was Roman, and I intended it to symbolize the order that I intended to bring to the land. Arthur had brought it only chaos, strife, and now war. I wanted to take the country back to a time when peace rather than conflict had been more the normal thing. My father had always favored Roman style armor, and for the most part Arthur's reasons had been as symbolic as my own. But he had betrayed the peace he sought to bring, and destroyed any chance of a kingdom the likes of which he always dreamed of. A kingdom that reigned over the entire country in a united manner. How had it gone from that to civil war in the span of a single lifetime? I put the notion out of my mind and looked about me at my army. I sat upon a black steed with a blood red saddle, and noticed how tall, burly, muscular and fair of hair, skin, and eye the Saxon warriors were. Men and women alike marched together, and the woman warriors had no less a fearsome reputation as their male counterparts. They carried axes and shields, and wore as full of armor as they could. These were a people used to battle, to whom being a warrior was a part of their very culture. I understood their language only because my family had dealings with them before, and it was said that those dealings were quite productive for both parties involved. Thus it was, that I and my brothers were all raised with both our native tongue and the Saxon language as well. This came in quite handy at present for me! For, I was their commander now... and they looked to me to lead them well. In their company were the great soldiers of the Orkney islands, fighting men... and woman too... who did the reputation of the folk of the north as a people not to be trampled upon quite well. We followed a bit of some of the Saxon traditions in my family, and it showed in how much some of our warriors could at times relish battle with such zeal as they did. It was the reason all of my brothers were such magnificent knights. I wondered how many of them I would have to kill now, just to get to Arthur himself. That very thought sickened me. Blood against blood, brother against brother. This is why civil wars are such truly horrific and ghastly... and tragically costly, things. I was probably the only one present in my army who was not looking forward to what lay before us. I knew the merciless way that the Saxons made war and I pitied those who chose to stand against us. Then I cast that pity aside and reminded myself that if we were to be successful I would have to be merciless as well. We marched on, and once we reached those lands which belonged to our enemies there was such slaughter as I had never witnessed before. One of the cities we passed through tried to drive us out... and they sent their local militia against us. I truly do not think that they had any notion of what they were up against! My warriors made short work of them, but after that they decided to punish the city for sending its' militia to fight us. The Saxons were rather particularly brutal in meting out such punishment. Men were dragged from their homes and hacked to death in front of their wives and children. Some were tortured rather than killed, and forced to watch as their wives and any female children they had were raped before their eyes. To my everlasting shame, I did partake in such “sport” as we called it... and I personally took by force a ten year old girl who had, I thought, the prettiest long curly red hair that I had ever seen. Flame red, and lovely! She had green eyes, light skin, a freckled face and features so angelic that it should have made me think twice to despoil the innocence she possessed. She wore a long flowing red gown, which I quickly tore from her young body.
I left the little girl a maiden no longer, and she was crying piteously when I threw her naked form unto the back of my horse after deciding to claim her as my spoil of war. For it was custom to select anything one might want... even a person to whom one took a fancy... as one's spoil of choice, according to those traditions that the warriors I was in command of followed. The child had watched as I used Albion to so very cruelly butcher her father and behead her mother, and that was before I had raped her. When first I came upon her and her family, I asked her what her name was, and she told me it was Caitlin, and that her family hailed from Ireland originally but came to Arthur's kingdom to live upon hearing that is was more peaceful than their homeland had been. Oh father, how dreadfully you failed your people! Thus it was not some nameless victim I chose, but someone whose story I knew before doing as I did. For my sense of honor... what little of it remained now... demanded that I knew something of a woman or a girl before engaging in any kind of sexual intercourse with her. It did not help to alleviate the guilt I felt. So, now she was my prize of sorts... she would be my slave if I followed the Saxon customs, but somehow I knew that this would not content me. I would desire her love, her loyalty, and she would I knew have to give me all of that if only out of fear. Fear of the man who destroyed her life, stole her virginity, and did claim her as one might property or an object. It might turn into a purer love, over the years, but it would not begin as this. It could never begin as this. What had I done? The city was burned to the ground, its' animals were killed, and the severed heads of its' menfolk were mounted upon wooden stakes that were set up through all of the city's main streets. Any of the women and children who were not yet claimed as prizes or spoils were left behind to tell of what had occurred in that place. When one of the women did spit upon a Saxon general, he and four other men impaled her on the spot before cutting her breasts off and leaving them at the base of the wooden stake which pierced her from her buttocks to out her mouth. I had never before witnessed such casual barbarity, and it made me despair that things had come to this. We left that city behind us and rode on as if it had been just a normal battle we had fought there and not an act of such perversity and wickedness that even the deity worshiped by the Christians would weep at the merest thought of it. Of those who had been Christians within that city, they suffered worse fates by far than those who were of the old ways. The city's church had been my army's first target, and they had chosen it quite randomly. The sight of what they did to the women and children, who gathered within it to pray for deliverance, haunted me as the city faded into the distance. That night when we made camp I had a tent all to myself and I shared this tent with Caitlin. I had grabbed some of her dresses and other clothes from her home before it was destroyed, and I told her to dress herself decently, which she did. I had her all to myself since as commander of the army no one could dispute my claim over her. I saw in her eyes how much she hated me, and this filled me with despair. “Caitlin, I am sorry for what I did to your family. I wish I had controlled myself better back there.” I said to her. Her voice would have been beautiful to hear had she not been so angry when she replied: “You killed them. My mom, my dad, you killed them both! You hurt me, made me bleed. What did you do, to me? It really, really hurt!” She was too young to understand any of this. I told her: “It is what men and woman do when they want to show that they love each other in a physical way. But I did not feel love when I did that to you. It was lust! All of it, I did only for pleasure, even though it was very wrong of me to do so. You bled and it hurt because that is just what happens the first time a man does this, to a woman. Or in your case, to a girl. But being so young and not understanding at all... it really was wrong. I am truly, truly sorry!” She then yelled: “If it was wrong, what made you do it then? I don't understand! Right is right... and wrong, is wrong.” And this was all so very, very wrong indeed. I took some time, to explain to her as best as I could, what sort of urges drove me to do as I had with her in greater detail than I had attempted to before, and this was, in the saddest way possible, how she learned about sexual intercourse and the difference between man and women. I told her that I would be her father now, and she said that fathers don't do things like that to their daughters. I explained to her: “That is because I am not your real father.” This was all tedious.
By the end of that night, she had resigned herself to her fate and accepted that she now belonged only to me. It was a start for us, at least, despite the horror that brought us together. The only thing positive I can say of the whole ordeal is that she never once tried to run away or escape... and she rode behind me on my horse with her arms wrapped around my waist tightly. That was only the first city of many! I lost count of how many cities, towns, villages, hamlets and homes we wiped from the face of the earth. The common practice each time was to set up camp a good distance away, and have the women warriors be standing guard over the camp each and every time. We left the women and children whom we had taken in their care, since at least the women warriors could be trusted not to violate them. For, each man who had a prize to call his own wished to keep it for himself and see no harm come to it. I hated to refer to human beings in this way, but that is how things were with this army I found myself leading. Thus only the men would attack the places that we chose to destroy... and this was not conquest but destruction we were engaged in. I felt sometimes as though I were leading an army of monsters on a bloody rampage to the very ends of the earth. And I could not wait for the carnage to end! But it never did, it always began again and again with each new place that we came to. It was late summer when we left our home in the Orkney islands, and in the course of so much horror I lost track of time entirely. Days and nights passed pretty much the same... by day we either rode, fought, or did both. And by night we camped. Each night I had Caitlin to keep me company, and over time it seemed that her face stopped showing hatred for me. It was replaced by first hopelessness and then something else which later became attachment. It is not known to me whether she came to love me or not, but she started to act possessively towards me and I think she saw me as her protector now, and not as her master. I had no desire to be anyone's master, but I was glad at least that after doing her so much harm I could at least be something more positive for her. She was clearly confused, for now at times she would ask if I wanted to take her sexually. When I asked her why, she would say: “You said that is what men and women do when they love each other. You took everything from me! The least you can do now is love me.” She was only ten years old, and that is how she spoke to me. I realized that I had corrupted any innocence she had ever possessed, utterly. Once the war was over, if it would ever truly end, I would despise myself for the rest of my life. I needed to show Caitlin was true love actually was and meant, so whenever I did as she asked... I was tender with her. I did not use force or do anything in any way that might harm her. I taught her what kissing was, and why it was important. But at best sometimes it felt as if I were training a young prostitute rather than seeking to teach a little girl about love. Here I was, decimating the whole length and breadth of the county from north to south, and what concerned me the most was the well being of a single child whom I had most grievously wronged! But, she had become the anchor for what was left of my humanity, and if I lost her then I feared that I might become as much of a monster... as the warriors I led into battle. Whilst we cut our bloody swath across the land, Arthur so left Camelot upon an expedition to the continent in order to deal with enemies he had there, and to seek to gain new allies. For he heard of our vast numbers and as he realized he was hopelessly outnumbered... he went off in order to seek some means of attempting to even the odds that were stacked against him. I know nothing whatsoever of the details of what actually transpired during Arthur's adventures on the continent, but so long was he gone for that by the time we reached Camelot we discovered that both Arthur and all of his knights had vacated the place entirely. It was a terrible battle that awaited us there all the same, for the place was most definitely not undefended and the soldiers who did defend it were quite skilled, being the best in the entire country. Even so... we slew them all, and occupied Camelot itself. Whilst the warrior women guarded their charges back at our camp, the men at my command did spend a full week pillaging Camelot entirely. But I warned them not to burn it down, nor to slay its' inhabitants, because it was likely that I still had allies among the people who remained there. A full half of the population of Camelot rallied to my cause and cheered for me to now declare myself High King. The other half despaired at the atrocities committed by my crazed army.
Once the Saxons and their allies had their fill of rape and plunder, at last, they set about the more dull business of trying to decide what part of my kingdom... for it was going to be mine wholly now... that it would be best for me to grant them. I told them which lands and regions were off limits, and which thus were on the table for discussion regarding. It would take many weeks to figure everything out, and in all that time we needed to be vigilant for the moment when Arthur would make his return to Ynys Prydain, likely at the head of a much larger army than he possessed before. Thus, I cautioned my army, we could not set about fully dividing up the land and finalizing our arrangements regarding it until after we dealt with my father once and for all. I, did indeed declare myself High King, and my first act as such was to send forth a small armed band to try and determine what had happened to Merlin, who likewise was no longer at Camelot, which was something I found to be rather strange and somewhat unnerving. Had he also gone in search of allies of his own? A half of a week went by before we received the news that did most shock me regarding Merlin. He had been betrayed by his young lover Nimue, who was one of the Ladies of the Lake who dwelt at the temple of their spiritual order... on the shore of lake Glaslyn in the land of Gwynedd. She was the youngest of them... and the most cunning of them all. She made Merlin believe that she wished to learn the secrets of his druid arts, and once he had taught her all he knew and thought her well and truly in love with him, and willing to become his apprentice... she invited him to a secluded cave at a location known only to her and the others of her order, and once he went inside she did dart out and spring a trap she had constructed which caused the entrance of the cave to collapse. So it was that the great Merlin was entombed alive, and would remain in that cave until he died there. This we learned only because the party I sent in search of Merlin happened upon a priestess of the Ladies of the Lake who heard that they were inquiring after the man. She was only too happy to relate what befell Merlin, since she regarded him as a traitor to the old ways due to his condoning of Arthur's increasingly strong inclinations towards Christian trappings and beliefs. I suspect the priestess was only as willing to speak of all this as she was due to the fact that the party I sent was comprised only of women warriors. I had witnessed so many awful deeds committed by the men under my command that I now felt that I did only truly trust women to not act like fiends from out of some dark hell or another. Having seen the way that these women conducted their search for Merlin peacefully, wisely, and well convinced me that ever after this I would need to rely on such as them if I wished to conduct matters in a more delicate way. It was after that, that I began to breath a little easier and begin to relax a bit. Whilst I ruled from Camelot, I did name Caitlin as a regent of the High Queen, which allowed her to rule as a proxy for Guinevere at my side. Her parents had been of noble blood, and so it was lawful to grant her a royal title such as this. I clothed her in the finest gowns, and treated her with dignity, respect, and also with love. It was during this time, that I learned of the true fate which had befallen my brothers. After Llwch Lleminawg had so returned to Camelot from having rescued myself and Guinevere from my father's wrath, the High King did order my brothers to face him in combat... declaring at first, that his noblest champion had betrayed him completely. Gaheris, had been recalled from his exile... and reinstated as a knight in good standing just prior to these events transpiring, and so he was with Gareth and Agravain at the time. Gawain was also present, but he alone refused to fight Arthur's champion, even at the command of the High King. In the combat that followed, Llwch Lleminawg was said to have gone temporarily mad, and in a fit of rage he slew all three of my brothers who rushed forward to face him, which left only Gawain alive. On thus witnessing his brothers' violent deaths, Gawain swore a blood oath on the spot to avenge them, and did demand that the champion face him next. But so distraught was Llwch Lleminawg over what he had so just done, that he refused to fight Gawain at all. This enraged my last remaining brother, who attempted to goad the champion into fighting him by slashing at his face with a dagger. But Llwch was quick, and grabbed the dagger, using it to deliver a terrible wound to Gawain, who then retreated from the scene in a great haste to get away. This... was what made Arthur's pardoning of Llwch such a shock to everyone!
I was shown the places where my brothers had been buried, and the tale of their deaths came from the lips of several nobles at court who had witnessed what happened firsthand. Thus, was the truth of all of this made known to me... and even though they had sworn to slay me, I mourned for them and for what could have been had my brothers not chosen to remain loyal to Arthur. I toyed with the idea, of sending out a party to discover whatever happened to Llwch, but there was a part of me that no longer wanted to know whose side he might be on. And so, I let the matter be. My remaining enemies who yet existed in places all throughout the kingdom tried to say that all of these tragic events were my fault, and they did wish to place the blame seemingly for every evil happening squarely upon me. Some said I was actually a puppet of my aunt Morgan who was the true force of all the darkness in the country. Others said that I was the Devil incarnate, and that my birth was a sign of the ending of days. As many of these as I found myself able to silence... there were more and more who kept cropping up. I grew weary of hearing all of these terrible things that people were saying about me, and longed to put an end to my father so that at last, once and for all, the spirit of rebellion that grew in the hearts of so many of my subjects because of remaining loyalty to their former High King could be crushed utterly. That would be the only way for a lasting peace to come upon the country, I realized. As long as Arthur lived, there would always be men and women who would remain steadfast in their loyalty to him. I became enraged one day and walked over to the Round Table itself, where I unsheathed the white sword Albion. Everyone present for what transpired next knew what I meant to do... and warned me not to do it, explaining: “The Round Table is not a symbol, for Arthur's knightly order alone... it is a symbol of brotherhood, for all the folk of Ynys Prydain. If you destroy it, it will be considered one of the most wicked acts imaginable!” This happened during a large and important meeting of a great council, involving all of the kings and queens who were under my rule, who wished to discuss with me how best to so unite the country in Arthur's absence now that I had actually managed to usurp his throne. I held my hand back from that terrible deed, and instead asked of all those gathered before me how many still held some measure of remaining loyalty to Arthur, rather than to me. They all claimed, that they were loyal to me and to me alone now. But I knew already which ones were lying because of my spies... who had eyes everywhere by this point. Four were false in their fealty to me, and those four I singled out specifically and asked them to lay their heads down upon the Round Table, in a show of trust. I still had Albion in my hand... and the guilty rulers were hesitant to comply with my strange request. So I explained it to them thus: “If you are truly loyal to me then would it not only be proper to bow before your High King and show your obedience as my subjects? Therefore it is not so great a thing that I ask you to do. If you do not stand against me, then nothing should be ever so simple as this! Since you are seated, at this table... you cannot bend the knee... but, you can bow your heads. Can you not?” Fearful of looking like traitors, they did as I requested. I told them to remain thus, whilst I called for the royal spymaster, who the servants that were present went at once to fetch. Once at last the spymaster arrived, I asked him to reveal the names of the four traitors and what their crimes had been against me. Such crimes, included plotting insurrection against me behind my back, planning to so commit the crime of regicide, hiring ruffians, brigands, and thieves to disrupt merchant caravans on the roads in order to create chaos so that the people would blame my rule for it. By extension any and all of the crimes committed by those outlaws, were proven and shown to be linked directly back to these four who had employed them to begin with. The charges were serious enough to warrant death, and the full confiscation of all the lands and holdings belonging to those four rulers, which would then become the property of the High King. Documents were read aloud and proof shown... so that now justice had to be done in a way that would make certain no others would dare commit such acts against me ever again. I ordered my royal guards to come hither and bind the four traitors so that they could not move. After so being bound, they remained with their heads still upon the Round Table. “I am a merciful ruler!” I then did declare, adding: “But I am not my father! I will tolerate no corruption in my kingdom. Ever again!”
I used Albion to then behead all four of those traitorous rulers before the astonished eyes of the entire council, and my sword made a terrible screeching and shrieking sound as it thereon claimed their lives. Their heads rolled on forward, toward the middle of the table, as their blood rushed out of their necks... and at once all the members of the council stood up, pushed their seats back, and fell to their knees in a spontaneous show of loyalty to me that was quite sincere. I then called the leaders of the Saxons to thus meet with us... after having the lifeless bodies of the traitors, removed by the servants. I ordered that the heads of the traitors were to be mounted upon spikes outside the castle, and that their bodies were to be fed to wild dogs. “Furthermore, once the dogs pick them clean enough I want their bloody bones sent to their families, or closest of kin... so that they might serve as a warning, regarding what happens to those who break the High King's law under my rule.” I instructed. I then sheathed my sword, sat back down at my seat, and called for Caitlin to come sit upon my lap. She had stood at the edge of the chamber, with the female servants, and had closed her eyes when I slew the four traitors. Caitlin did as I asked... and I caressed her, kissed her, and fondled her whilst discussing with all present the matter of what parts of the country would henceforth be designated as Saxon territories. “What is best about this, is that from now on, Ynys Prydain will no longer need to fear Saxon raids upon its' shores. Instead... we will be able to trade with them openly, and they will be permanent allies of ours. Should other invaders, seek to raid our shores, they will prove ferocious allies against them! My family has had dealings with them since a great long time ago, and I can vouch that they are a people who honor, the oaths that they swear.” Once the map was brought forward, the correct lines drawn, and the right territories marked clearly, I asked of the Saxon leaders that they swear a blood oath to live peacefully and raid only enemies of my kingdom, as it was in the days when they and my family kept their pacts in the distant past. They cut their palms... swore the required oaths... and shook hands with me. After which, I washed my hands clean and wiped them dry with a washbasin and towel that I had sitting before me on the Round Table for this reason. As soon as this was done, the man who spoke for the Saxon leaders... naturally a Saxon himself... said in a friendly, jovial manner: “Mordred! You fought at our side, partook in our customs, and acted as one of us. In many ways, you are the most Saxon man in all of this entire country! You are certainly paler than us by far, but your heart is true and you are a noble warrior as well as a great king. Far greater, than your father ever was! For he desired only... to make enemies of us. But you are our friend, and so we shall be your friends from this day forward, and serve to protect your kingdom from any and all who would dare to threaten it. Upon our very life's blood, and the blood of our fathers, and the blood of their fathers as were come before them... we will keep our oaths to you and may we perish without honor if we ever act falsely.” With this final oath, I smiled and shook the hand of this man before ordering the servants to be bringing wine and mead for everyone. I then declared: “Followed by a great feast! Camelot shall see on this day, a welcome return to the joy that once filled its' fair halls, in the days when knighthood actually meant something. It will mean something once again! For in time, I shall choose twelve new knights of my own to replace those who served my wretched father. Had he remained your High King he would be off on his mad adventure on the continent whilst your shores were raided and your lands invaded. It was I who at last brought unity to all our lands, I and my kin in the Orkney islands. Now it falls to all of us, to keep the peace that we have achieved upon this day! So let us be vigilant, and when my father seeks to return, thinking he still reigns here as High King... we shall stand against him as one and let him see what we think of him for abandoning his kingdom and his country and running away like a coward. At least I do not run! I am a strong king, in the Saxon tradition, and will do our kingdom proud.” All who were there to hear my speech cheered, when I finished speaking, and the feast that was held was likely the finest that Camelot had ever seen. I wanted Caitlin to know only joy, henceforth. I owed her that. I wanted her to love me, as well, and more and more it seemed that she was beginning to. Still she feared me, but her heart was loyal I realized despite that. Or perhaps because of it even. So much had changed!
After I had returned from my quest in search of the Holy Grail, which had been so successful not only for myself but for Sir Bors as well, though we were the only knights to return from it... I did go back to my tower in the Golden Woods, and there to the warm arms of my beloved wife Kundry. During all the time in which I had been absent, which was considerable, the woman who was handling all my affairs of business and the management of my lands and holdings for me, Melisande, had so adopted two little boys whom she named Melehan and Menehir. The two of them she declared to by my heirs since there was no way for me to produce an heir from my own blood... and by all the laws of the land the two of them were thus considered as if they had indeed been of my blood in every respect. They were sent to live with my aunt Morgan, who had returned to the Orkney islands and taken up trying to mend things there between herself and the rest of my family. For several years all was well and quite pleasant, for I knew a sense of peace both within myself and within my life that I had before that point never known in quite the same way. Of the doings at Camelot, I distanced myself for a time and had to be honest lost a great deal of respect for Llwch Lleminawg, whose treatment of the princess Elaine of Corbenic... which led to her death, from a broken heart... disturbed me greatly enough that I felt no longer comfortable in the times when I was around him. For ever there was the fear that he might abandon me to death in the same way. I saw him now as faithless and dishonorable, and it made me realize why it was that the pale blade Albion had chosen me to be its' wielder instead of him, who had carried it previously. Word soon reached me of a tremendous disagreement between him and the High King, my father Arthur, over all manner of different things but mostly in regard to whether or not the two men had done enough to save the former High Queen, Gwenhyver, from the terrible events that had claimed her life. That strife led to a debate over whether or not the current High Queen, Guinevere, even loved Arthur at all. Soon it was, that when put to the question over this matter she claimed that in fact she did not and that she had first in her heart loved me back in Lyonesse before deciding to see whether Arthur would prove a good sort of husband for her after all. In a fit of rage, Arthur placed her on trail for being unfaithful... even though since marrying him she had been with no one else. But he declared that since her heart belonged to me, then that made her unfaithful to him regardless. Llwch Lleminawg, at the trial, let slip that I was in fact the vessel for the soul and spirit of the dead queen, Gwenhyver, and this led to people beginning to call me the “False Gwenhyver” due to my sometimes ruthless reputation that somehow I had managed to be earning myself despite having tried always to be honorable, decent, and right in all things. Some seized upon my recent choice to live as woman in order to slander me... claiming that I was nothing more than an evil younger twin of sorts to the former High Queen, and poor substitute for her glory. But for all of those who spoke thus about me, many more did rally to my side and say that since I was in a way very much Gwenhyver reborn... then I should be the rightful High Queen after all. They pressured Arthur to name me his heir officially, since they reasoned that given that Arthur was remarried now to Guinevere he could at least still name me his heir so that one day I could rule as High Queen once again. But he so did not only refuse to do so, he even went so far as to say that I was a wicked abomination and a sort of demon, for he believed that it was impossible for someone to return from the dead. I was called out to Camelot to speak at Guinevere's trail in my defense and hers, but things grew only worse and worse as the situation at the High King's court became immensely hostile. Arthur ordered the executions of both myself and Guinevere, but before the orders could be carried out... Llwch Lleminawg did rush to rescue the two of us, bringing horses into the throne room itself so that we could all get away quickly. He did ride all the way to the Golden Woods at my request, and there he dropped Guinevere and I off before in the end deciding to hurry back to Camelot in an attempt to smooth things over and calm the High King before anything more rash and destructive could occur. This was how the doom of Camelot began. Due to jealousy, rage, and bitterness in my father's heart. His kingdom, was on the verge of being torn apart!
Around this time, a large force of Saxons did arrive on the shores of Ynys Prydain, and they did make landfall in the Orkney islands where they made peace with my family there in an effort to try and gain a group of allies that could help them conquer as much of the country as they could. By that point in time, my brothers were no longer living in the Orkney islands anymore, for they had taken up their residence in Camelot. When word came to them of the alliance between their kin and the Saxons, they did break from our family and declared their sole fealty to Arthur. I saw some advantage in all of this for myself... and so along with Kundry, Melisande, Guinevere and my two sons I traveled to the Orkney islands and left the Golden Woods in the care of my must trusted servants that still remained there. We took a large company of our most trusted soldiers with us to act as our bodyguards, and arrived safely in the lands of my family. Morgan the Fey was at this time the true power that ran things in the Orkney islands, and all who knew her feared her displeasure. It was she who met with the Saxon leaders, and even they did fear her, and her power, greatly. She had turned the holdings of my family there, into a fortified domain that nearly rivaled Camelot itself... and quickly she was managing to turn the Saxons into a force that was so allied with her own goals that they may as well have been her own private mercenary army. Only she did not have to pay them... instead they paid her tribute in return for her bolstering their numbers with a good amount of her own loyal warriors. Her stated goal was to capture Camelot, seize the throne from Arthur, who had become little more than a mad tyrant, slay the High King and place me upon the throne in his place, with Guinevere at my side. Kundry would by named princess, and my two sons would thus inherited everything upon my death. That was the plan she went over with me, and to which I agreed. It was undecided whether I would be named High Queen alongside Guinevere, thus making it a kingdom ruled over by two High Queens jointly... or whether I would decide to claim the title of High King after all. Either would be the eventual outcome in the end, and the Saxons would so be granted lands of their own, with their leaders being given royal titles. They would have it better than they had expected, and would never again need to go invading this land or that in search of treasure and glory any longer. If all went well, both of those things would come to them! And so they swore great and terrible oaths that did bind them with honor and fealty to the cause of myself and my family. Also, the old ways would remain honored and be restored to their former glory, with the ancient Pagan traditions returning to their former prominence. Christianity would no longer be considered a religion equal in standing to the old ways. Of course this turn of events caused my father to view me as a traitor and an enemy of Camelot, and it was said of him that he swore to see my head mounted upon a pike outside of his castle, once he did receive word of what was transpired in the Orkney islands. All of his knights, my brothers included, renewed of their knightly vows and pledged to see the High King's justice done. It was no longer justice for him, at this point, however! This was about revenge. He came to believe that I had turned Guinevere's heart full against him, and even swore that with the assistance of his greatest champion I abducted her. Her made a great show, people said, of pardoning Llwch Lleminawg... but although all of his other knights swore to slay me and return Guinevere to Arthur's side, Llwch refused to do so and left Camelot upon his own. No one knew where he went... or what it was he planned to do. He never came north to meet with us in the Orkney islands, and any spies we had throughout the land especially in the regions surrounding the Golden Woods said that he was not sighted by them either. I partly had expected him to either swear his fealty to my father, who had ever been his very best of friends since the two men would both young... or to come to my and pledge himself to me, accepting at last that I truly was still his Gwenhyver. I wanted this, to be the event that made him at last decide to stick by someone he claimed to love, to show me in the end that he had some measure of honor to him after all. When he did not, then in my heart I had not any choice but to give him up and let him go. I allowed myself to weep for him, as the part of me that in fact was still the former High Queen realized that she had loved this man in vain. But during the course of all these events, she lost both her greatest lover and her former husband. There was no turning back!
The last news I ever heard again out of Camelot, was that Arthur had declared a relative of his named Constantine to be his heir in the event of his death. He assumed he would still prevail against us, and in that assumption figured that his kingdom would live on no matter what happened to him. On the last of the peaceful nights I would ever see again in that life, Morgan told me that she planned to take Kundry with her to Avalon, where my beloved wife would be safe no matter how terribly things went in the war to come. She would be leaving me in full command of the Orkney islands and all of the military might that we now had at our disposal there. Melisande was going with her, and along the way Melisande did intend to take Guinevere to a convent that hid a secret temple dedicated to the old gods and goddesses of the land. However... before all of that was to take place, Morgan and Melisande granted me a single full day and night to spend with Kundry and Guinevere, which I was quite grateful for. The fortress we now called home did not have any of the play rooms for Kundry that our tower in the Golden Woods so did. We could take precious little with us from there when we moved to the Orkney islands. This was a place built for defense and the planning of war. It had precious few comforts, and since Kundry was but a little girl who still looked only eleven years old at the most, and probably would even long after I was dead, the current state of affairs was quite difficult for her to handle. Guinevere, as a princess from old Lyonesse, was likewise used to greater comforts than what we had now. I promised them both that if we succeeded in winning this conflict... they would have greater comforts than any they had known before. It was a splendid evening, the moon was large and full in the heavens, and all the stars were out and did sparkle brilliantly. This fortress had been built atop some of the natural craggy cliffs near the sea, and it was from here that my mother once solidified her power as the notorious “Witch Queen” of the Orkney islands. I wondered... if she had lived, what part would she play in the events to come? A walkway did run around and about the fortress, and the designs of the place were mostly inspired by ancient Roman architecture. It was upon this walkway that I walked with the two women whom I had come to love the most in life... Kundry, was upon one arm, and Guinevere upon the other. The two women wore flowing white gowns with long, wide sleeves. And child in body or not, ever did I regard Kundry as nothing less than an ideal and perfect woman... which is why I refer to her as such at this point in my telling of these events. About their waists were golden sash belts tied in small neat bows at their sides. They wore soft white slippers upon their feet... and they had all of their most beautiful jewelry and their most elegant circlets to adorn themselves with. Their hair was styled elegantly, and I saw in their eyes both endless love and deepest sorrow, as they feared that following this they might not ever see me again. I shall so describe them both one last time, to immortalize the beauty and sadness of that moment. Guinevere's skin was dusky but not dark, and her hair was pale blonde, extremely curly, and had golden highlights throughout the soft tresses thereof. As ever, she wore her hair long. She had deep, dark blue eyes like so unto the deepest waters of an endless ocean. Her face was heavily freckled, somewhat exotic looking... round, with somewhat broad features and large full lips. She was quite large boned and rather heavy set, but not overweight at all. She was simply a big woman, but not as big as her loving heart. So that was Guinevere, whose true name was Gwendoline. Kundry, was very slender, her face cherubic and sweet looking, her bright blue eyes filled with childlike innocence. If it can be so said, that Guinevere's eyes were like unto the sea, then Kundry's were like unto the azure of the daytime sky. Kundry's hair was a golden blonde color, and I cannot count how oft my fingers ran through the strands of it, savoring the brightness of that soft gold which was greater than any treasure I could ever touch. She had plump, very kissable lips, big eyes, and light skin that was normal in tone and nothing at all like the chalk white of my own flesh. She was sometimes of a nervous disposition and prone to fidgeting a lot or talking a bit fast at times. But I loved hearing her talk because her voice was high, lilting, and lovely to hear. No less beautiful to me was the sound of Guinevere's voice, which was both earthy and soft at the same time... though there was a strange accent to it that I never could manage to place, though I was used to it now.
I was much older now, and years of worry and care had been etched upon my face. I was an albino, a hermaphrodite, and though I had fully functioning male genitalia even so I was as much a woman as I was a man. I had high cheekbones, an aquiline nose, small lips, and grayish blue almond-shaped eyes. My ears were tapered to an extent, but not enough for them to be pointed. My face was round, and had become more so over the years... to the point where it resembled the sort of face certain eunuchs have. I was of quite average build, and had a somewhat pronounced abdomen which gave my body more of a feminine look to it than it should have otherwise. I had feminine hips, and a buttocks shaped like that of a woman, rather than a man. I had long eyelashes, and had taken to using cosmetics... makeup, such as there was of it in those days... in order to make my appearance as feminine as I possibly could. I kept both my face and body clean shaven at all times, and was so upon this night I am relating herein. It was no secret that I was weaker in body than most men, but I made up for that by making use of the white sword Albion whenever I had to do battle. It was enchanted in some way that made it almost as if the blade did the fighting for me, guiding my hand as I used it. All these years, and it had never failed me. I was wearing a long purple gown with short but wide elbow-length sleeves upon that night, the whole of the garment being also quite richly embroidered with elaborate designs upon it that I thought were quite pretty. About my waist was a blood red sash belt that was tied in the same manner as the belts worn by my two beautiful companions. I wore a pair of leather sandals on my feet. My head was shaved, and my eyebrows were likewise shaved. Some might have considered my appearance to be quite strange, but in the eyes of those who knew me and loved me, I was angelically beautiful. The two women sang for me, and tried to calm my own rather fraying nerves. We spoke of more pleasant times, and Guinevere said to me that she regretted having ever sought Arthur's hand in marriage. “He is such an evil man, and it is true that I should have heeded your warning to me regarding him.” she said unto me, adding: “Had I so done that, then truly this conflict would never have come to pass.” But I explained to her: “The Saxons are no friend to Arthur, and sooner or later the battle lines would have been drawn and we would still be finding ourselves here, now, just like this. Do not regret the past, my queen, but rather think only of the future that yet might be for all of us.” She began to cry in a way that was so terrible I feared she was in actuality having a complete breakdown from so much stress. She said to me through her tears: “Please, Mordred... or Mordra... or whatever it pleases you to be called! Do not call me queen any longer. For I wish to have not the title that my marriage to Arthur cursed me with. When next, I wish for you to call me a queen, I desire it to be that it is you who are reigning at my side. Not him!” I took her in my arms, held her until she stopped crying, and then we kissed passionately. Kundry glided over with all the pure grace of a skilled dancer and she tugged upon my gown asking: “What about me, my love?” and then I did take her into my arms and kiss her next with equal passion. We then retired to our chambers and in them were laid out a veritable sea of soft pillows, cushions and blankets. The fireplace was ablaze, and the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore outside was quite soothing. Though the rooms of that fortress in which we then dwelt were quite spartan, we allowed ourselves this much comfort at least. As we entered the chambers... my two lovely companions, sat down upon the cushions and bade me to join them. I kissed them both very intensely, and then they kissed each other before taking turns kissing me yet again. Then, together, all three of us made love. We had never made love together like this before... but I wanted it this way... and they desired it even more than I did. And so it was! It was on that night at last that I decided to embrace my identity as Mordred once more... and allow Gwenhyver's spirit to rest in peace within me as much as she ever would be able to. If we won the war, then the land would have a new High King, and I was determined that it would be me. I was full of hope, joy, and contentment as I drifted off to sleep in the arms of my two blessed angels. We ate a late supper beforehand, and all in all it ended up being a perfect day as well as a wonderful evening. On the morrow I would bid farewell and good journey to my two soulmates, before beginning to prepare the Orkney islands for the coming war.
Morgan and Melisande succeeded in their mission and so arrived at their destinations having brought the two whom I loved and adored so much to safety. I waited to receive word form them by messenger before beginning the campaign against Arthur. Within the week that news came, and within the month we were ready to march southwards towards Camelot. The army I led was vast, the largest army that all the folk of the north had ever seen up to that point. I wore a black breastplate over a black knee-length tunic with long sleeves, and beneath my tunic I wore a pair of baggy white pantaloons tucked into my soft black leather boots. I had a blood red leather belt about my waist and my sword was sheathed at my side. A blood red leather vest padded my chest between my tunic and breastplate, and upon my hands I wore a pair of soft black leather gloves. On my head was an helmet with an open face and a high plume which was scarlet in color. Over my attire, I wore a long scarlet cloak with no hood. The design of the helmet was Roman, and I intended it to symbolize the order that I intended to bring to the land. Arthur had brought it only chaos, strife, and now war. I wanted to take the country back to a time when peace rather than conflict had been more the normal thing. My father had always favored Roman style armor, and for the most part Arthur's reasons had been as symbolic as my own. But he had betrayed the peace he sought to bring, and destroyed any chance of a kingdom the likes of which he always dreamed of. A kingdom that reigned over the entire country in a united manner. How had it gone from that to civil war in the span of a single lifetime? I put the notion out of my mind and looked about me at my army. I sat upon a black steed with a blood red saddle, and noticed how tall, burly, muscular and fair of hair, skin, and eye the Saxon warriors were. Men and women alike marched together, and the woman warriors had no less a fearsome reputation as their male counterparts. They carried axes and shields, and wore as full of armor as they could. These were a people used to battle, to whom being a warrior was a part of their very culture. I understood their language only because my family had dealings with them before, and it was said that those dealings were quite productive for both parties involved. Thus it was, that I and my brothers were all raised with both our native tongue and the Saxon language as well. This came in quite handy at present for me! For, I was their commander now... and they looked to me to lead them well. In their company were the great soldiers of the Orkney islands, fighting men... and woman too... who did the reputation of the folk of the north as a people not to be trampled upon quite well. We followed a bit of some of the Saxon traditions in my family, and it showed in how much some of our warriors could at times relish battle with such zeal as they did. It was the reason all of my brothers were such magnificent knights. I wondered how many of them I would have to kill now, just to get to Arthur himself. That very thought sickened me. Blood against blood, brother against brother. This is why civil wars are such truly horrific and ghastly... and tragically costly, things. I was probably the only one present in my army who was not looking forward to what lay before us. I knew the merciless way that the Saxons made war and I pitied those who chose to stand against us. Then I cast that pity aside and reminded myself that if we were to be successful I would have to be merciless as well. We marched on, and once we reached those lands which belonged to our enemies there was such slaughter as I had never witnessed before. One of the cities we passed through tried to drive us out... and they sent their local militia against us. I truly do not think that they had any notion of what they were up against! My warriors made short work of them, but after that they decided to punish the city for sending its' militia to fight us. The Saxons were rather particularly brutal in meting out such punishment. Men were dragged from their homes and hacked to death in front of their wives and children. Some were tortured rather than killed, and forced to watch as their wives and any female children they had were raped before their eyes. To my everlasting shame, I did partake in such “sport” as we called it... and I personally took by force a ten year old girl who had, I thought, the prettiest long curly red hair that I had ever seen. Flame red, and lovely! She had green eyes, light skin, a freckled face and features so angelic that it should have made me think twice to despoil the innocence she possessed. She wore a long flowing red gown, which I quickly tore from her young body.
I left the little girl a maiden no longer, and she was crying piteously when I threw her naked form unto the back of my horse after deciding to claim her as my spoil of war. For it was custom to select anything one might want... even a person to whom one took a fancy... as one's spoil of choice, according to those traditions that the warriors I was in command of followed. The child had watched as I used Albion to so very cruelly butcher her father and behead her mother, and that was before I had raped her. When first I came upon her and her family, I asked her what her name was, and she told me it was Caitlin, and that her family hailed from Ireland originally but came to Arthur's kingdom to live upon hearing that is was more peaceful than their homeland had been. Oh father, how dreadfully you failed your people! Thus it was not some nameless victim I chose, but someone whose story I knew before doing as I did. For my sense of honor... what little of it remained now... demanded that I knew something of a woman or a girl before engaging in any kind of sexual intercourse with her. It did not help to alleviate the guilt I felt. So, now she was my prize of sorts... she would be my slave if I followed the Saxon customs, but somehow I knew that this would not content me. I would desire her love, her loyalty, and she would I knew have to give me all of that if only out of fear. Fear of the man who destroyed her life, stole her virginity, and did claim her as one might property or an object. It might turn into a purer love, over the years, but it would not begin as this. It could never begin as this. What had I done? The city was burned to the ground, its' animals were killed, and the severed heads of its' menfolk were mounted upon wooden stakes that were set up through all of the city's main streets. Any of the women and children who were not yet claimed as prizes or spoils were left behind to tell of what had occurred in that place. When one of the women did spit upon a Saxon general, he and four other men impaled her on the spot before cutting her breasts off and leaving them at the base of the wooden stake which pierced her from her buttocks to out her mouth. I had never before witnessed such casual barbarity, and it made me despair that things had come to this. We left that city behind us and rode on as if it had been just a normal battle we had fought there and not an act of such perversity and wickedness that even the deity worshiped by the Christians would weep at the merest thought of it. Of those who had been Christians within that city, they suffered worse fates by far than those who were of the old ways. The city's church had been my army's first target, and they had chosen it quite randomly. The sight of what they did to the women and children, who gathered within it to pray for deliverance, haunted me as the city faded into the distance. That night when we made camp I had a tent all to myself and I shared this tent with Caitlin. I had grabbed some of her dresses and other clothes from her home before it was destroyed, and I told her to dress herself decently, which she did. I had her all to myself since as commander of the army no one could dispute my claim over her. I saw in her eyes how much she hated me, and this filled me with despair. “Caitlin, I am sorry for what I did to your family. I wish I had controlled myself better back there.” I said to her. Her voice would have been beautiful to hear had she not been so angry when she replied: “You killed them. My mom, my dad, you killed them both! You hurt me, made me bleed. What did you do, to me? It really, really hurt!” She was too young to understand any of this. I told her: “It is what men and woman do when they want to show that they love each other in a physical way. But I did not feel love when I did that to you. It was lust! All of it, I did only for pleasure, even though it was very wrong of me to do so. You bled and it hurt because that is just what happens the first time a man does this, to a woman. Or in your case, to a girl. But being so young and not understanding at all... it really was wrong. I am truly, truly sorry!” She then yelled: “If it was wrong, what made you do it then? I don't understand! Right is right... and wrong, is wrong.” And this was all so very, very wrong indeed. I took some time, to explain to her as best as I could, what sort of urges drove me to do as I had with her in greater detail than I had attempted to before, and this was, in the saddest way possible, how she learned about sexual intercourse and the difference between man and women. I told her that I would be her father now, and she said that fathers don't do things like that to their daughters. I explained to her: “That is because I am not your real father.” This was all tedious.
By the end of that night, she had resigned herself to her fate and accepted that she now belonged only to me. It was a start for us, at least, despite the horror that brought us together. The only thing positive I can say of the whole ordeal is that she never once tried to run away or escape... and she rode behind me on my horse with her arms wrapped around my waist tightly. That was only the first city of many! I lost count of how many cities, towns, villages, hamlets and homes we wiped from the face of the earth. The common practice each time was to set up camp a good distance away, and have the women warriors be standing guard over the camp each and every time. We left the women and children whom we had taken in their care, since at least the women warriors could be trusted not to violate them. For, each man who had a prize to call his own wished to keep it for himself and see no harm come to it. I hated to refer to human beings in this way, but that is how things were with this army I found myself leading. Thus only the men would attack the places that we chose to destroy... and this was not conquest but destruction we were engaged in. I felt sometimes as though I were leading an army of monsters on a bloody rampage to the very ends of the earth. And I could not wait for the carnage to end! But it never did, it always began again and again with each new place that we came to. It was late summer when we left our home in the Orkney islands, and in the course of so much horror I lost track of time entirely. Days and nights passed pretty much the same... by day we either rode, fought, or did both. And by night we camped. Each night I had Caitlin to keep me company, and over time it seemed that her face stopped showing hatred for me. It was replaced by first hopelessness and then something else which later became attachment. It is not known to me whether she came to love me or not, but she started to act possessively towards me and I think she saw me as her protector now, and not as her master. I had no desire to be anyone's master, but I was glad at least that after doing her so much harm I could at least be something more positive for her. She was clearly confused, for now at times she would ask if I wanted to take her sexually. When I asked her why, she would say: “You said that is what men and women do when they love each other. You took everything from me! The least you can do now is love me.” She was only ten years old, and that is how she spoke to me. I realized that I had corrupted any innocence she had ever possessed, utterly. Once the war was over, if it would ever truly end, I would despise myself for the rest of my life. I needed to show Caitlin was true love actually was and meant, so whenever I did as she asked... I was tender with her. I did not use force or do anything in any way that might harm her. I taught her what kissing was, and why it was important. But at best sometimes it felt as if I were training a young prostitute rather than seeking to teach a little girl about love. Here I was, decimating the whole length and breadth of the county from north to south, and what concerned me the most was the well being of a single child whom I had most grievously wronged! But, she had become the anchor for what was left of my humanity, and if I lost her then I feared that I might become as much of a monster... as the warriors I led into battle. Whilst we cut our bloody swath across the land, Arthur so left Camelot upon an expedition to the continent in order to deal with enemies he had there, and to seek to gain new allies. For he heard of our vast numbers and as he realized he was hopelessly outnumbered... he went off in order to seek some means of attempting to even the odds that were stacked against him. I know nothing whatsoever of the details of what actually transpired during Arthur's adventures on the continent, but so long was he gone for that by the time we reached Camelot we discovered that both Arthur and all of his knights had vacated the place entirely. It was a terrible battle that awaited us there all the same, for the place was most definitely not undefended and the soldiers who did defend it were quite skilled, being the best in the entire country. Even so... we slew them all, and occupied Camelot itself. Whilst the warrior women guarded their charges back at our camp, the men at my command did spend a full week pillaging Camelot entirely. But I warned them not to burn it down, nor to slay its' inhabitants, because it was likely that I still had allies among the people who remained there. A full half of the population of Camelot rallied to my cause and cheered for me to now declare myself High King. The other half despaired at the atrocities committed by my crazed army.
Once the Saxons and their allies had their fill of rape and plunder, at last, they set about the more dull business of trying to decide what part of my kingdom... for it was going to be mine wholly now... that it would be best for me to grant them. I told them which lands and regions were off limits, and which thus were on the table for discussion regarding. It would take many weeks to figure everything out, and in all that time we needed to be vigilant for the moment when Arthur would make his return to Ynys Prydain, likely at the head of a much larger army than he possessed before. Thus, I cautioned my army, we could not set about fully dividing up the land and finalizing our arrangements regarding it until after we dealt with my father once and for all. I, did indeed declare myself High King, and my first act as such was to send forth a small armed band to try and determine what had happened to Merlin, who likewise was no longer at Camelot, which was something I found to be rather strange and somewhat unnerving. Had he also gone in search of allies of his own? A half of a week went by before we received the news that did most shock me regarding Merlin. He had been betrayed by his young lover Nimue, who was one of the Ladies of the Lake who dwelt at the temple of their spiritual order... on the shore of lake Glaslyn in the land of Gwynedd. She was the youngest of them... and the most cunning of them all. She made Merlin believe that she wished to learn the secrets of his druid arts, and once he had taught her all he knew and thought her well and truly in love with him, and willing to become his apprentice... she invited him to a secluded cave at a location known only to her and the others of her order, and once he went inside she did dart out and spring a trap she had constructed which caused the entrance of the cave to collapse. So it was that the great Merlin was entombed alive, and would remain in that cave until he died there. This we learned only because the party I sent in search of Merlin happened upon a priestess of the Ladies of the Lake who heard that they were inquiring after the man. She was only too happy to relate what befell Merlin, since she regarded him as a traitor to the old ways due to his condoning of Arthur's increasingly strong inclinations towards Christian trappings and beliefs. I suspect the priestess was only as willing to speak of all this as she was due to the fact that the party I sent was comprised only of women warriors. I had witnessed so many awful deeds committed by the men under my command that I now felt that I did only truly trust women to not act like fiends from out of some dark hell or another. Having seen the way that these women conducted their search for Merlin peacefully, wisely, and well convinced me that ever after this I would need to rely on such as them if I wished to conduct matters in a more delicate way. It was after that, that I began to breath a little easier and begin to relax a bit. Whilst I ruled from Camelot, I did name Caitlin as a regent of the High Queen, which allowed her to rule as a proxy for Guinevere at my side. Her parents had been of noble blood, and so it was lawful to grant her a royal title such as this. I clothed her in the finest gowns, and treated her with dignity, respect, and also with love. It was during this time, that I learned of the true fate which had befallen my brothers. After Llwch Lleminawg had so returned to Camelot from having rescued myself and Guinevere from my father's wrath, the High King did order my brothers to face him in combat... declaring at first, that his noblest champion had betrayed him completely. Gaheris, had been recalled from his exile... and reinstated as a knight in good standing just prior to these events transpiring, and so he was with Gareth and Agravain at the time. Gawain was also present, but he alone refused to fight Arthur's champion, even at the command of the High King. In the combat that followed, Llwch Lleminawg was said to have gone temporarily mad, and in a fit of rage he slew all three of my brothers who rushed forward to face him, which left only Gawain alive. On thus witnessing his brothers' violent deaths, Gawain swore a blood oath on the spot to avenge them, and did demand that the champion face him next. But so distraught was Llwch Lleminawg over what he had so just done, that he refused to fight Gawain at all. This enraged my last remaining brother, who attempted to goad the champion into fighting him by slashing at his face with a dagger. But Llwch was quick, and grabbed the dagger, using it to deliver a terrible wound to Gawain, who then retreated from the scene in a great haste to get away. This... was what made Arthur's pardoning of Llwch such a shock to everyone!
I was shown the places where my brothers had been buried, and the tale of their deaths came from the lips of several nobles at court who had witnessed what happened firsthand. Thus, was the truth of all of this made known to me... and even though they had sworn to slay me, I mourned for them and for what could have been had my brothers not chosen to remain loyal to Arthur. I toyed with the idea, of sending out a party to discover whatever happened to Llwch, but there was a part of me that no longer wanted to know whose side he might be on. And so, I let the matter be. My remaining enemies who yet existed in places all throughout the kingdom tried to say that all of these tragic events were my fault, and they did wish to place the blame seemingly for every evil happening squarely upon me. Some said I was actually a puppet of my aunt Morgan who was the true force of all the darkness in the country. Others said that I was the Devil incarnate, and that my birth was a sign of the ending of days. As many of these as I found myself able to silence... there were more and more who kept cropping up. I grew weary of hearing all of these terrible things that people were saying about me, and longed to put an end to my father so that at last, once and for all, the spirit of rebellion that grew in the hearts of so many of my subjects because of remaining loyalty to their former High King could be crushed utterly. That would be the only way for a lasting peace to come upon the country, I realized. As long as Arthur lived, there would always be men and women who would remain steadfast in their loyalty to him. I became enraged one day and walked over to the Round Table itself, where I unsheathed the white sword Albion. Everyone present for what transpired next knew what I meant to do... and warned me not to do it, explaining: “The Round Table is not a symbol, for Arthur's knightly order alone... it is a symbol of brotherhood, for all the folk of Ynys Prydain. If you destroy it, it will be considered one of the most wicked acts imaginable!” This happened during a large and important meeting of a great council, involving all of the kings and queens who were under my rule, who wished to discuss with me how best to so unite the country in Arthur's absence now that I had actually managed to usurp his throne. I held my hand back from that terrible deed, and instead asked of all those gathered before me how many still held some measure of remaining loyalty to Arthur, rather than to me. They all claimed, that they were loyal to me and to me alone now. But I knew already which ones were lying because of my spies... who had eyes everywhere by this point. Four were false in their fealty to me, and those four I singled out specifically and asked them to lay their heads down upon the Round Table, in a show of trust. I still had Albion in my hand... and the guilty rulers were hesitant to comply with my strange request. So I explained it to them thus: “If you are truly loyal to me then would it not only be proper to bow before your High King and show your obedience as my subjects? Therefore it is not so great a thing that I ask you to do. If you do not stand against me, then nothing should be ever so simple as this! Since you are seated, at this table... you cannot bend the knee... but, you can bow your heads. Can you not?” Fearful of looking like traitors, they did as I requested. I told them to remain thus, whilst I called for the royal spymaster, who the servants that were present went at once to fetch. Once at last the spymaster arrived, I asked him to reveal the names of the four traitors and what their crimes had been against me. Such crimes, included plotting insurrection against me behind my back, planning to so commit the crime of regicide, hiring ruffians, brigands, and thieves to disrupt merchant caravans on the roads in order to create chaos so that the people would blame my rule for it. By extension any and all of the crimes committed by those outlaws, were proven and shown to be linked directly back to these four who had employed them to begin with. The charges were serious enough to warrant death, and the full confiscation of all the lands and holdings belonging to those four rulers, which would then become the property of the High King. Documents were read aloud and proof shown... so that now justice had to be done in a way that would make certain no others would dare commit such acts against me ever again. I ordered my royal guards to come hither and bind the four traitors so that they could not move. After so being bound, they remained with their heads still upon the Round Table. “I am a merciful ruler!” I then did declare, adding: “But I am not my father! I will tolerate no corruption in my kingdom. Ever again!”
I used Albion to then behead all four of those traitorous rulers before the astonished eyes of the entire council, and my sword made a terrible screeching and shrieking sound as it thereon claimed their lives. Their heads rolled on forward, toward the middle of the table, as their blood rushed out of their necks... and at once all the members of the council stood up, pushed their seats back, and fell to their knees in a spontaneous show of loyalty to me that was quite sincere. I then called the leaders of the Saxons to thus meet with us... after having the lifeless bodies of the traitors, removed by the servants. I ordered that the heads of the traitors were to be mounted upon spikes outside the castle, and that their bodies were to be fed to wild dogs. “Furthermore, once the dogs pick them clean enough I want their bloody bones sent to their families, or closest of kin... so that they might serve as a warning, regarding what happens to those who break the High King's law under my rule.” I instructed. I then sheathed my sword, sat back down at my seat, and called for Caitlin to come sit upon my lap. She had stood at the edge of the chamber, with the female servants, and had closed her eyes when I slew the four traitors. Caitlin did as I asked... and I caressed her, kissed her, and fondled her whilst discussing with all present the matter of what parts of the country would henceforth be designated as Saxon territories. “What is best about this, is that from now on, Ynys Prydain will no longer need to fear Saxon raids upon its' shores. Instead... we will be able to trade with them openly, and they will be permanent allies of ours. Should other invaders, seek to raid our shores, they will prove ferocious allies against them! My family has had dealings with them since a great long time ago, and I can vouch that they are a people who honor, the oaths that they swear.” Once the map was brought forward, the correct lines drawn, and the right territories marked clearly, I asked of the Saxon leaders that they swear a blood oath to live peacefully and raid only enemies of my kingdom, as it was in the days when they and my family kept their pacts in the distant past. They cut their palms... swore the required oaths... and shook hands with me. After which, I washed my hands clean and wiped them dry with a washbasin and towel that I had sitting before me on the Round Table for this reason. As soon as this was done, the man who spoke for the Saxon leaders... naturally a Saxon himself... said in a friendly, jovial manner: “Mordred! You fought at our side, partook in our customs, and acted as one of us. In many ways, you are the most Saxon man in all of this entire country! You are certainly paler than us by far, but your heart is true and you are a noble warrior as well as a great king. Far greater, than your father ever was! For he desired only... to make enemies of us. But you are our friend, and so we shall be your friends from this day forward, and serve to protect your kingdom from any and all who would dare to threaten it. Upon our very life's blood, and the blood of our fathers, and the blood of their fathers as were come before them... we will keep our oaths to you and may we perish without honor if we ever act falsely.” With this final oath, I smiled and shook the hand of this man before ordering the servants to be bringing wine and mead for everyone. I then declared: “Followed by a great feast! Camelot shall see on this day, a welcome return to the joy that once filled its' fair halls, in the days when knighthood actually meant something. It will mean something once again! For in time, I shall choose twelve new knights of my own to replace those who served my wretched father. Had he remained your High King he would be off on his mad adventure on the continent whilst your shores were raided and your lands invaded. It was I who at last brought unity to all our lands, I and my kin in the Orkney islands. Now it falls to all of us, to keep the peace that we have achieved upon this day! So let us be vigilant, and when my father seeks to return, thinking he still reigns here as High King... we shall stand against him as one and let him see what we think of him for abandoning his kingdom and his country and running away like a coward. At least I do not run! I am a strong king, in the Saxon tradition, and will do our kingdom proud.” All who were there to hear my speech cheered, when I finished speaking, and the feast that was held was likely the finest that Camelot had ever seen. I wanted Caitlin to know only joy, henceforth. I owed her that. I wanted her to love me, as well, and more and more it seemed that she was beginning to. Still she feared me, but her heart was loyal I realized despite that. Or perhaps because of it even. So much had changed!
Published 23rd Dec 2022
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