deepundergroundpoetry.com

Self Provided Philosophical Fellatio

Am I normal?

Am I regular?

Am I different?

Am I special?

How do I fit in?

Where do I fit in?

Who are my people?

Where is my home?

These are all questions that in this modern age of a more liberal society all young adults are almost required to ask themselves. Everywhere, people always want to know where they fit in and how they are special. But the problem with this progression fueled thought process where we give people more and more reins and labels to control themselves and live their own lives, as they should, it leaves too many behind so that those who don't know immediately what they are, cannot be in the same safe mind as everyone else.

Those who don't know what they are and where they stand are just left behind and forgotten. They are assumed to just figure it out by themselves and be their own person, but it doesn't work when even the people who used to be outsiders have their own groups and homes. There is no where left to go to, to find out what they are. They are left in the dust because they don't apply to the new labels.

I continue to try and figure myself out. I keep researching "new" things and labels and parts of society but for some reason I still cannot find where I am supposed to be. I want to be normal. I want to be somewhere safe but I don't know myself. I don't have enough time to do soul-searching and find what I am.

How can I find where I fit in if I don't even know what I am? There are all of these new things and labels and small sub-sections of society that keep coming out and yet there seems to be no place for those who don't know what they are. I feel so isolated and so alone simply because I feel neither like a "societal normal" person or an outcast. I don't know where I belong because I still haven't figured myself out. I wish that I could say this or that and just be a part of something, but I really don't know what I am or where I stand.

I want my own world and I want to be a part of someone else's world. But everywhere I look i just find outskirts and abandoned camps with singed fire pits. I want to be a flower in a pot and bloom but I don't know what petals will come out of me and that is what scares me more than anything.

I want to fit in.

I want to stand out.

I can't when no one will help me. That is the final problem that has become the forefront of the issue. We as a society have applied help to the term of control. There is a distinct difference. While before people only tried to control everything and how people turned out, now we find that finding one's identity is a completely individual thing where no help should be provided because we should not control those people who don't know yet. Many people have benefited from this because they are finally able to confess themselves and be their own persons but we have just jumped to the other extreme of a complete overhauled and helpless environment because there shouldn't be control.

Well, I just want some help. I want someone to know what I am going through and talk to me. I don't want someone to tell me that "it will get better" or that "this too shall pass" or even that "you'll eventually figure it all out".

I don't want to figure it out. I want someone to help me because I don't know where to even go to start figuring anything out at all. I know that help exists but there is nowhere for me to find it. Everyone wants to leave the youth alone to do what they want, because the suicides and mass murders are such good indicators of people being left by themselves becoming model citizens.

I don't want someone to just text me and say that there are people supporting me or that there are people here for me because there aren't. There isn't anyone who is exactly like me and that scares me to no end.

I need a cup of coffee and the bipolar depression to tag out with someone new. Preferably someone who knows what they are doing.

Because I sure don't know what I'm doing.
Written by Vampyre497
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