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The Sword of Mordred: Part V
- The Sword of Mordred: Part V -
I remained for several days... at the castle wherein the girl who had been known as the Holy Grail had met her tragic end. I blamed myself for it, for had I not done with her as I had... at the urging of the mad child sorceress Kundry... then surely the sacred girl would not have committed suicide. Kundry herself saw to the recovery of the girl's body, which was sent to the temple of the sisterhood of Avalon in order to be laid to rest with the others of her holy bloodline who had preceded her. The dark druids, chose to be the ones to take the body hither, which left the castle empty save for myself and Kundry. I felt only a deep measure of self loathing, but despite her part in what I had done... I could not bring myself to hate or despise the child sorceress. Her words alone had not driven me to the deed I did, but rather it was in truth a mix of her words mingling with the words of my aunt Morgan, somewhere deep in my mind. In my time as a knight of the Round Table, I had longed to become a hero... to save virtuous maidens from peril, to slay beasts who ravaged the land, and to protect the innocent and uphold honor, virtue, and law in the name of my father the High King. But I had become a villain, I had violated the most virtuous of all maidens in the land, I had allowed myself to become a beast, and I had failed to protect one who was innocent as I abandoned my honor, lost my virtue, and cast away the law that I had sworn to uphold. In the days in which I remained in that evil place within the wasteland... I meditated and thought long on a great deal of this, and I became brooding and withdrawn. For her part, Kundry kept attempting to reach me, to snap me out of the deep depression I was falling into, but one day I said to her honestly: “Since I first met you, Kundry, you have said that you want nothing for yourself... and, you have focused always on what it is that I desire. But, for your sake, I have committed a deed so foul that I cannot live with the memory of it! All to set you free from what I believed was a curse. But I do not believe now that you in fact ever truly were cursed... you had an illness, and it likely has passed by now is all. I destroyed a life, an innocent life, over an illness! And nothing more. What do I want? I want it to be... as if that perverse thing which I did never happened at all. Can you do that for me, Kundry? I, did all that I did... for you.” And she was tender and understanding with me, remaining as bright and cheerful as a child her age may be of a want to be. She was only an eleven year old girl, and yet she had the soul of a grown woman... a woman prone to anger, jealousy, rage and vanity. I had seen all of those things about her, and yet still I found that I could not be cross with her. Realizing at last that I was not going to ever truly be over what I had done... I decided to put the horrid memory of it behind me, and attempt to pick up the pieces of all that remained of my life, and move on from there. With Kundry at my side, as my wife. “I am going to marry you, Kundry.” I told her at the last, explaining: “I think that, despite all the evil you have caused, I love you. In my time with you... I have seen how lonely you truly are, deep in your soul. And, I see in it an echo of my own growing melancholy and the loneliness I have always felt as well. Our paths shall be as one, and our hearts shall beat as one! Never more shall we be lonely, and allow our inner darkness to drive us to evil. Is that well with you?” She walked over to me as I sat at the dining room table, and did wrap her arms around me as she said happily: “Yes, Mordred! Ever since I first beheld you, within the visions I had of your arrival here, I have been hopelessly in love with you. I have craved you... and I have wanted and desired you with all of my woman's heart. My life has indeed been a lonely one, and a more terrible one than you might realize! My father sold me into prostitution... when he realized that he could never pay the dark druids the debt of money that he owed them. It is not important, why he owed this debt! But he did. You know that I age slower than normal, but do you know how much slower? By the time you are an old man, I will remain exactly as I am right now. The value of a child prostitute that will remain a child for far beyond the span of a human lifetime... let us just say, that I was able to pay in full my father's debt for him. Though it cost me my innocence, and perhaps my sanity! Like me, he was long lived beyond the normal, natural span... for him, the only way to escape his demons was by ending his life on his own terms. He never once, thought to take me from the brothel... before doing as he did.”
I looked at her, tried to imagine what it was like for her during that time of her life. And it broke my heart to consider it! She was slender, her face cherubic and sweet looking, her eyes filled with so much childlike innocence, or at the illusion of such. Those eyes were a bright blue... more blue than my own grayish blue eyes were. Her hair was a golden blonde color, and she liked to wear it up in a high sort of ponytail that sometimes she would decorate using silver hair cones. She had plump lips, big eyes, and her skin was very light but normal in tone compared to my chalk white flesh. She was nervous, prone to fidgeting, and sometimes she talked to herself or muttered things under her breath. She sometimes was of a want to skip through the halls of the castle, singing loudly, and I knew that she was trying to live a childhood that she had never got to enjoy. She was, today, wearing a long black flowing gown that had short puffy elbow-length sleeves and which laced up in the front. She did this to mourn the death of the Holy Grail, whom I had also been mourning. I could not deny that I found Kundry alluring in black! I found her alluring in general. She paused a bit before continuing to tell me her story as follows: “Now then... I, well that is to say after my father's suicide, I remained at the brothel and eventually became the mistress who ran it, having outlived the previous mistress. I passed that duty to another, and set out in search of the dark druids to whom my father had been indebted. Now then... the druids never said that my father had to whore me out like he did! How he got the money to pay them back, was his business. So for myself, I had nothing against them and figured that the dark druids were the only link I still had to my father... and so, I sought them out and asked to be allowed to join their order and learn their dark magic and even darker secrets. I wanted power at last! So that I could make my own decisions in life... so that I could have a say in what I do with my life, and not be at the mercy of the worst sorts of men. There were many women, as well as men, among the dark druids... and the women took pity on me for all I had been through. They were the first people who I can honestly say had been kind to me! For my father was never a kind man, nor a good man, and ever was he a selfish man first and foremost. I, rose high in the order of the dark druids, and eventually became their high sorceress. For it was sorcery, first and foremost, that these druids practiced... the blackest sort of magic that there is. That was how it was, that I came to dwell here! Merlin had heard of me, of course... he has eyes everywhere, and spies where his eyes cannot see. And that... was when he decided to entrust the skull and the spear to me. As for the Holy Grail, you know her story already. Now... you also know mine.” It was not a child who said all of that to me, but a broken, hurt woman who had never known love before in her life. Until now. I placed her hand in mine, and began to cry... she cried as well... and when we had finished crying we dried each other's tears and kissed long and passionately, trying to forget the pain we both carried within us. I told her my entire life's story up until the moment we met, and I confessed the forbidden trysts I had always had with my aunt Morgan, telling her that I would have those no longer now that I had her to love. Not once did I feel like I was talking to a little girl... and then she would act like a little girl and surprise me with how silly and bright she could be. I wanted nothing more than her, and nothing more than to be her husband. Those first several days turned to weeks... and the weeks turned to months... eventually it was, that the dark druids returned to the castle from their sorrowful expedition. Their leader was a rather tall, skinny old man with a shaved head and a neatly trimmed beard, whose name was Klingsor. Kundry had told me all about how this old man had been a proper father figure to her all these years, and that it was he who had taught her the deepest secrets of the magical arts. She also mentioned, that the old man was a eunuch who had actually castrated himself in order to atone for various lustful sins he had committed in his youth. It was he, whom the child sorceress wished to officiate the sealing ritual that passed for a marriage ceremony in her occult order. The ritual was held within a month after that, and it was during the nicest days of midsummer when the sealing ritual was performed. We journeyed far from the castle, beyond the wasteland, to a scared grove in the deepest of forests within the neighboring lands. There, in the sight of nature and the gods, we pledged to be bound together in love and in spirit for all of eternity.
I remember, the words that the child sorceress and I both spoke unto each other in order to be married at last, as our hearts desired: “I pledge myself to thee, for all eternity! In love, in trial, and in all things... I am thine. And thou art mine!” I said that unto her, and she said that unto me... and we kissed. Our kiss in that moment was the most passionate we had ever engaged in with each other... and those druids who did act as witnesses on that occasion smiled and sang, once this was done. The old man spoke words of a solemn nature, stating that because Kundry and I both chose to be bound to each other... for that life, and for any future lives to come... then so the gods and goddesses of the land must bear witness, as well as all those present, to that binding of two souls and spirits. Thus was the rite concluded, and when we did return to the castle after that, the child sorceress and I were finally husband and wife. I recall every detail of our wedding night! We chose the most romantic chambers of the castle, and we so made them our own for the occasion. Kundry wore a soft silken gown of a deep crimson red, which had long puffy white sleeves... and which laced up, in the front. About her waist, she wore a wide cloth sash belt which was tied in a neat bow at her side. Upon her feet were golden slippers, and around her neck she wore a necklace of black pearls, with black pearl earrings in her ears. Her ears were normal looking, like those of any human child. Whatever divine blood flowed in her veins... it was not Elvish blood... unlike mine. For in me flowed the blood of the Elvish folk of old, and sometimes I wondered if I had not inherited as well the madness that some claimed was inherent in the ancient Fair Folk. Myself, I wore flowing robes of the same red silken material as my bride's gown, and those robes had golden trim. About my waist, I wore a wide black belt encrusted with red ruby gemstones... and upon my feet were a pair of soft black slippers. I still kept around my neck, the pendant that my aunt Morgan had given me to wear... it was an ancient looking round medallion on which was etched deeply the image of an eye. In the middle of that eye was a single red ruby that sparkled fantastically in the light. I carried my bride over to the soft bed that sat near a window that overlooked the castle gardens, and I sat her upon it. She smiled at me in that mischievous way that she sometimes did when she wanted to make me happy, or when she was up to a bit of actual mischief. I never knew which it would be, with her, but on our wedding night I knew that it was a look of love, and naughtiness, and it made me smile as well. I untied her belt first, and then took mine off and laid next to her in the bed... caressing her legs, then her thighs, then what was between her legs. She sat up and kissed me long, passionately, deeply and lustily... pulling up my robes, so that she could see the growing hardness of my manhood. I wore no undergarments for this occasion, and I knew that neither did she. She began to play with the shaft between my legs, stroking it rhythmically and in a well practiced way that made me realize she had indeed done this before many times. “Close your eyes, my love!” she said, and I did so. “Lie back now.” she purred, and as I did so... I felt first those luscious lips of her closing over my manhood, and then the moistness of her mouth as she sucked upon it. I felt her tongue working magic that no little girl should have known how to perform, and yet which she was an expert with. She caressed my testicles with her hands in between continuing to stroke my shaft... as her mouth continued to move itself up and down over me down there. I kept feeling her up, running my finger up and down the cleft of her girlhood, moving it in and out of her. She had lifted up the skirts of her gown to allow me to do this easier... and then, she withdrew her mouth from off of my hardness. It was difficult to contain any longer, the passion I was feeling for her! She laid back and noticed that my eyes were open once again... she did not have to tell me, to open them. They were eager, as was I! And hungry for the love being offered me. She laid back and opened her legs widely for me. “Take me, my love! Hold nothing back... I want you, so badly.” she said, and began to rub her body as she said this. I was enticed beyond words to describe, and my hands were all over her body... rubbing, caressing every inch of her perfect young flesh. I was pulling her gown open in the front... she had unlaced it already... and she was pulling her skirts up all the way to her waist. She wrapped her arms around my back, as I did enter her, and thus did I begin thrusting my manhood into and out of her moist cleft. Over and over.
First she breathed heavily, as did I, and then the rhythm of our coupling bodies drove that breathing of hers into a panting... she was grinding her hips, getting into it, with undisguised pleasure... and her cries and moans were those of enjoyment. I grunted and began to sweat... as I pushed in and out of her with a greater intensity the more excited we both were becoming. I kept on kissing her beautiful face... my lips were raining kisses all over it, by that point. My hands were upon her nipples and my fingers were busy playing with them, and though she did not possess breasts like a grown woman... she liked how this felt when I touched her like that. I rubbed my hands all over her, feeling as much of her body as I could, as I neared my climax. She was nearing the most uncontrollable part of her experience as well, and together we found paradise in each other's arms, with the sweet release that brought us indescribable bliss. “Oh! I love you, I love you so much Mordred.” she cried out in that moment, and I whispered into her ear: “I love you also, Kundry... and I always will. You are the only goddess I shall ever again worship.” I was sincere when I said that also, and intended to be her knight henceforth, and only hers. Within the week, we decided to leave the castle and go back to meet with my aunt Morgan at her tower. However it may have turned out, I needed to let my aunt know how the quest she had sent me upon fared. My wife and I dressed in riding clothes, and rode upon my horse all the way back to the Golden Woods as fast as it so was possible for the animal to carry us, stopping only at night to rest at the occasional inn before on the morrow continuing upon our way. I was unquestionably old enough to be Kundry's father... and oft did people assume that she was my daughter, only to then notice the way in which she and I kissed, and the way our hands were often all over each other. But back in those days, it was common for girls to marry whilst still that young, and oft they married men a great deal older than themselves. What was rare, was for girls in those situations to be as happy and content as Kundry was with me. Thus did people actually understand... and when we told them that we were newly married they always offered us their blessings, and prayers, for a happy marriage. It was as long a journey, back to the Golden Woods from the eastern borders of Lyonesse... as long returning from there, as it had been to actually get there for the first time. But long though the journey was, the ride was thankfully without incident... and ere long we were once more nearing my aunt's tower in the Golden Woods, which looked to be in a better state than it had thus been when last I saw it. The process of the tower's rebuilding, seemed to be progressing quite decently. I and my beloved Kundry walked up to the front door of the structure, and I knocked upon it. Honestly, after so many times when no one answered when I knocked upon a door... I was half tempted to just up and kick the door in and enter unannounced. I told this to Kundry, who giggled at the thought. “Oh, you mean like this?” she asked, before skipping up to the door innocently... only to kick it in with a lot more strength than I ever knew she possessed. The door did not break, luckily... but the lock that had been on it most definitely was broken. “Oh my gods! I had no idea I was that strong.” the little girl cried out in a very real state of alarm before running back to me. I called into the tower: “Aunt Morgan, I do hope that you are home! It is I, Mordred... I have returned with news of the quest you sent me upon.” It was pretty much instantly that I could hear her rushing to the door in order to see what was going on. Morgan was wearing a long flowing black gown... with a black hooded cloak over it. Her chalk white skin, identical in tone to mine, made her truly appear to be an apparition of death itself. Her eyes were so much in the shadow of her hood, that they almost seemed totally black, and with no white in them whatsoever. Her raven black hair cascaded down from her hood, as she arched one of her eyebrows beneath her perfectly trimmed bangs. Clearly, she was surprised to see me! And to hear such a commotion at her door. “Oh! Is that what all this is about, then. Mordred, you did not have to break the door in... you could have just waited for me to respond. It is not like I did not hear you knocking... also, did I hear a little girl's voice as well? Tell me you did not adopt a child... you'd make a terrible father.” I then explained to her that in fact the little girl was my wife, and I told her how it was that I came to meet Kundry. I also tried to tell her... as quickly as I could.... what happened regarding the remains of Bran the Blessed she sent me for.
She could tell I was nervous, and attempting to rush my words out, and told me: “Hold, Mordred! It is best to come inside... rather than remain standing in the door and attempting to rush through all of those things that you are trying to spout out all at once like that. You are likely to give me a headache, and my life has been stressful enough of late without the added pain! Plus, your young wife will probably wish to be seated after such a long ride... she can relax whilst we talk in more detail. She does look very cute, and rather sweet, Mordred! I can honestly see why you chose her for your bride.” I said to Morgan, after Kundry and I were within the tower and the door was closed behind us: “We chose each other, actually. That is all part of what I wish to talk with you about! And so many other things besides.” Morgan was very kind to my wife, and showed her to a pile of pillows and cushions near the fireplace. The little girl sat herself down on them, and noticed a doll sitting upon a nearby shelf which she took into her hands and began to play with it. “A bit young?” Morgan remarked to me, and then mused: “But I suppose you did always have a thing for girls around her age! At least she seems happy.” I could almost detect a hint of jealousy in my aunt's voice, but put any thoughts of such things out of my mind. My aunt ushered me into a nearby chamber, leaving a servant girl to keep Kundry occupied whilst we talked. And I did talk for a good many hours with my aunt Morgan, telling her pretty much everything that had transpired. It was hard to tell what she thought, or felt, about how my journey had gone... and I was not sure if she so considered my quest to be a failure, or if all had gone as she had suspected it might. Finally, once I had finished speaking, she began to say: “Let me see, if I understand all of this correctly...” and she cleared her throat before continuing: “You destroyed Bran's skull... you also destroyed the sacred spear... and as if that was all not wicked and terrible enough, you actually raped one of the last members of the blessed bloodline of the Holy Grail. An act of the worst sort of sacrilege, which drove the poor girl to suicide. If I was with the sisters of Avalon at present rather than living here for a time... I would have been present when they received the poor child's body. I would have asked, what befell her that one so young should be dead in so violent a manner, and I am certain that the dark druids would have told some lie to me. I am certain they told some lie to whomever they met with from the sisterhood! Do you know, how much I despise dishonesty? Yet, no one must ever learn the truth of what you have done. I do happen to know Klingsor quite well, and I know that he is a goodly man if an imperfect one. You are lucky! I know that he covered for you... especially given that you seem to have fallen in love with a child whom he regards as his own daughter. But what you did was most grave, Mordred! Could you not tell right from the first that Kundry was suffering from some sort of madness? That you actually believed her story of being the victim of some sort of curse... you are as childish and insane as she is. Honestly! The two of you, really do deserve each other. An illness passes with time, unless it be a fatal one... but you cannot give back a life that was snuffed out. You should have asked Kundry to accompany you to the border of the wastes, and there told her that at your side she could cross beyond. Lo! The cruse is broken, and no one needed to be ravished and driven unto death thereby. She would have seen the truth, then. Instead, you actually believed her story, of being cursed... and tried to lift that curse in the cruelest way imaginable. It is not simply that you failed in this quest I sent you upon! To fail would indicate that you actually tried at all to succeed, to use your wits rather than your cock. But I see that you are a halfwit after all... and a slave of your desires first and foremost in life. I still do love you, Mordred! Do not mistake my angry words for hatred here... but I do not understand you after all this. I will be departing for Avalon ere long, and will be staying there, for the foreseeable future... you may have this tower to call your own, and all the surrounding lands shall be yours thereby. I will leave you my servants, and what few soldiers also live here, and they shall likewise be yours. You shall be a lord henceforth, not merely a knight... and I hope that you will prove yet to be a good one. Life shall be your test now! Not some quest to go off on, but life Mordred... life. You have told me much of Kundry, and of her past... and it is all very tragic what she has been through. Love her, cherish her, and be good to her always! But realize... she is quite mad.”
I could hear the sound of the little girl, singing, as she played with her doll... and, the servant girl was singing along with her. I turned toward that sweet sound, and tears filled my eyes. I spun back and said to Morgan angrily: “Mad, you say? Mad! Perhaps... but I love her all the same, and I always shall. Yes, I will love her, and I shall cherish her, and I will be good to her for so long as breath is in my body. Aye even beyond the death of my body, I shall love her still! She is my goddess, my love... and my life. If I am to be the lord of the Golden Woods, then she will be its' Golden Lady... and never will she want for anything ever again, nor know of tragedy or sorrow. That is my oath, and I swear it upon my very blood for what little such tainted blood as mine be worth!” I then sliced the palm of my hand with my sword, which felt as if I had cut it upon sharp ice. I sheathed the sword, and let the blood fall unto the floor. I took such oaths very seriously, and if I swore such an oath then one could be certain I meant to keep it. Morgan then remarked in a sad tone of voice: “That you would choose to swear such an oath with that sword, of all swords... but I suppose an oath is still an oath. Do the honorable thing, and keep to it! It is not yet inconceivable, that you may one day become a better man still than your father. I believe in you, although I do not approve of your actions thus far. As for your choice of bride... that, is your own affair. She would not have been my first choice for you, however.” I replied to that with words that came out a great deal more cutting, than I should have wished for them to sound... as I said: “No! I would not, to be honest, imagine that you would have chosen her for me... after all, you have always only ever wanted to keep me for yourself. Is that not right, aunt Morgan the so-called Fey? Aunt Morgan the murderess who killed her own husband in order to lay with her nephew!” I then felt the palm of her hand strike my face as she slapped me across it quite hard. She hissed furiously: “How dare you! You know what that man I was married to was like, and you know also the disgusting and vile way that he always treated me... if I am a murderess, than you are a rapist with a preference for children. Do not presume, to judge me! And I shall continue to pretend that you are still a virtuous knight. Excuse me, I mean a virtuous lord! Let us agree to find each other despicable, and leave it at that.” She had tears in her eyes, and I had tears begin to form in mine as well. There was no taking back, anything we had just said to each other... it was too late to pretend that our words did not hurt as deeply as they did. We did not speak at all after that, from the moment we both cried to the hour when my aunt began to pack her things and prepare for her trip to Avalon. Back at the castle in the wasteland, the old sorcerer Klingsor would continue to act as the head of the dark druids who called that place their home... he, would take my secret to the grave with him. I never saw either him, or Lyonesse, again. My home was now the Golden Woods, and over time I grew to be quite fond of that domain, and of the surrounding lands that I was now the ruler over. I personally oversaw the completion of the tower's rebuilding, and it was made more grand than ever before thanks to my artistic sensibilities. As the tower grew into a mighty fortress, and my army grew with it, I used my soldiers only to keep the peace and to enforce the king's justice. People knew me to be fair and just, and honorable as well. I became known as the Golden Lord, with my wife becoming known, likewise, as the Golden Lady. Everyone knew her only to be a beautiful, elegant little girl who was touched by the old gods of the land in such a way that she never aged and remained young and beautiful always. I liked that fairy tale they told of her! I liked that it was at last somewhat true. But she had a darkness in her soul that I could not ease... and, often it made her cry in her sleep and awaken with night terrors of the most awful sorts. She would claim to see demons and evil spirits, and say that they were chasing her about the tower. Always, I was there to calm her down, to soothe her often troubled heart... and, to keep whatever dark imaginary horrors she saw from bothering her. She heard voices, and she suffered from a great many vivid hallucinations too... and it seemed like as the years went by, these things became more troubling to her, rather than less so. All the same, I loved her with all my heart... and she loved me, with all of hers. I kept her in dolls, clothing, jewelry, and toys of every sort. I even filled whole rooms of our tower with such things, and created play rooms just for her to enjoy. She got to be a child, at long last!
I came to understand Kundry's madness, and how to ease it, and I found that the more she got to truly revel in and savor being a child... no longer burdened with an adult woman's worries... the more she did at last find peace. We remained always just as romantically, intimately, and passionately devoted to one another as when we first had been wed... we made love often, and with as much fire as ever. Nothing at all changed, except that I had become a great deal more protective of the little girl, and more devoted to her as the years passed. As my child wife's madness subsided, at last, things became much like as if we had entered into a true golden age. When people think of the golden age of Camelot, when things in the land were at the most peaceful and perfect under Athur's enlightened rule as rightful High King over all the lands which the Romans had once called Britannia... they do not often consider was life was like for those kings who ruled beneath him, or for the lords who looked after their own lands during that time. I had become one such lord, and I was proud at last to live in a land united by my father Arthur. I did see with my very own eyes the peace that his rule brought to lands such as my own... and I was proud to so pay him coin in tribute, as all the lords and kings of the land did. I remember, I was in my late thirties... when I received word of my mother's murder at the hands of my brother Gaheris. A messenger had rode all the way from the Orkney islands to deliver the news to me in person at my tower. I was so extremely shocked by his words, that I actually asked him to repeat the news to me. “Your mother is dead.” he so stated once more, adding: “Your brother Gaheris has taken her life in a fit of rage.” I asked him to then tell me, in detail, what it was that drove my brother into such a rage, and he then explained to me every last sordid detail regarding what had transpired. It all started many years previous, almost a lifetime ago by the time the messenger actually spoke of all this to me, when my mother's husband had been killed. I had never called King Lot my father, and so I only ever referred to him simply as my mother's husband. He had perished when one of Arthur's earliest and most trusted of royal allies, King Pellinore, did fight against him during a time when Lot attempted to lead a rebellion against Arthur for reasons that he did not ever share with the rest of his family. Suffice it to say that Lot was deemed the villain in the matter, and King Pellinore's act of slaying him and crushing his rebellion was, at the time, seen as a good thing. But ten years later, Gawain and Gaheris attempted to avenge their father's death by slaying Pellinore in a duel that was by all accounts quite the bloody business. They were successful in this... and on seeing the prowess of the two knights, Pellinore's son Lamorak decided that he too wished to become a knight in service to Arthur. Over the long years since, Sir Lamorak had become one of Arthur's noblest and in fact most valued of champions. He was not the greatest of all the knights of the Round Table, but truth be told... he was one of the most beloved by the people. But there was something at work which no one realized! Queen Morgause, my mother, had herself been a part of her husband Lot's death and there had been rumors claiming that she had poisoned him so that he would be weak enough to be killed easily by Pellinore. Making matters worse, because she did not wish to remain a widow forever... and was all the time seeking a younger man, to replace her husband with... she took Lamorak, to be her lover, and tried to keep the affair between them to herself. However, out of all my brothers both Gawain and Gaheris so did come to suspect the truth regarding both the death of their father... and who it was that now held our mother's fancy. Gawain invited our mother and Lamorak to stay at his estate, and there he planned to be the one to actually catch the two of them in the act. He wished to use that as an lawful pretext by which to challenge Lamorak to a duel and slay him, thereby avenging Lot's death by killing the son of the man who had killed him. But it was Gaheris who actually was the one who caught our mother with Lamorak in the end... and he caught her telling her young lover how she had indeed poisoned her husband so that she could ensure his death. This pushed him unto madness, for he had loved his father dearly, and in an act of thoughtless and bloody vengeance he beheaded our mother where she lay... but allowed Lamorak to escape, which had ruined Gawain's entire plan. Gawain came upon the scene of the murder and cried on the spot seeing our mother's headless naked body. He faced Gaheris, and demanded answers at once!
The messenger told me, that such was Gawain's words to our brother: “Gaheris! Oh, Gaheris, what is this thing that you have done to our mother? Whatever her guilt, she did not deserve such an end! Ever I had a mind to see her exiled should her own guilt regarding our father's death be proven... but now, it shall never be that she is punished for her crimes. You have helped her to escape beyond all justice! Oh and such wickedness... for the rest of us all loved her so, despite her failings. Whatever made you do it, this monstrous deed? And, where is the one who should have perished in her stead! Where is Lamorak, and why ever did you allow him to go free?” Thereupon, did Gaheris feel guilty for the slaying of our mother, and he confessed all to Gawain that he had discovered, admitting as well that he was unable to think clearly and acted out of some wicked impulse that had come upon him. When he told how it was that Lamorak fled the scene, with all haste... then it was, that everyone knew Lamorak to be a coward. A coward who left the woman he loved to die whilst attempting to save his own worthless skin. A vain attempt was made to hide Gaheris' responsibility for our mother's death, and to blame Lamorak for it... but that attempt was unsuccessful, because some of the servants had actually heard what happened the night of the queen's death, including her own admission of guilt regarding her husband's demise, and so did they refuse to cover for either Gaheris, or our mother. Morgause was now known all throughout the Orkney islands, to have been a poisoner and a murderess herself... and, Gaheris was branded a traitor to the kingdom and a murderer guilty of the crimes of matricide and regicide. Arthur was informed of this, and the High King stripped Gaheris of his knightly title and put a bounty out on his head. As soon as it became apparent that this had happened, Gaheris fled the Orkney islands and went off in a mad pursuit of Lamorak... intending to catch him and slay him so that his brother's wishes might be honored. Since he had been very vocal about chasing after Lamorak prior to leaving... all of my other brothers knew at once, what was going on when Gaheris at last turned up missing. They got together and decided it was time to find Gaheris, pursue Lamorak, and settle this matter once and for all. All of my brothers, that is, except for Gareth, who was not convinced that Gaheris was guilty after all. He believed that it had thus been Lamorak who had murdered our mother... and so, he waited until they had just left, before himself setting out to track down Gaheris and Lamorak on his own. When last anyone had spotted Lamorak, he had arrived at Camelot during a tournament that was being held there, and he requested that Arthur thus keep him safe and grant him protection from the vengeful Gaheris. Arthur agreed to do this, but only on the condition that Lamorak be willing to agree to a truce between his royal house and mine. For, if it be that he did not... then my brothers would surely come for him, and without the High King's protection it would be impossible to stop him from being slain. He did not desire such a truce, and so he refused the offered protection and departed from Camelot for parts unknown. The messenger did say that he knew, or at the very least had a good idea, where my brothers were at the moment... and he suggested that I so set forth to meet with them and try to see what I could do to help resolve the matter. I was overcome at that moment with a tremendous fury and rage towards Gaheris... I did not care what had happened with King Lot, or that my mother had poisoned him. He had died, when I was still too young for it to matter, and I was raised with the knowledge that Arthur was my true father. If Lot had been anything at all like my aunt Morgan's former husband, King Urien, then he was likely a pig of a man who deserved such a fate as he had received. Doubly, for rising up against Arthur and failing to so much as give even a valid reason for doing so! I had no respect for such a man as that. If my brothers wished to avenge him, that was their business, and none of mine. But Gaheris had taken my mother's life, and I had loved her. Her sweet voice, had sung me lullabies when I was a baby, and her arms held me... and it was she who first taught me to walk, and who taught me how to read, and who taught me how to be noble. What she did not teach me, my aunt Morgan did. Both of them had spoiled me, pampered me, and saw to it that I so wanted for nothing. Now that my mother's sweet voice had been silenced forever, I burned with a fierce desire to seek revenge on her behalf. I wept for her... and I swore that I would make Gaheris pay dearly.
I asked the messenger: “If you truly do know the whereabouts of my brothers, then take me to them as soon as I am able to get ready for the journey! I wish to see to some matters first, but will be prepared to leave swiftly enough.” I then walked into one of the play rooms, where Kundry was busy playing with a ball and tossing it into a bucket on the far side of the room. She wore a finely embroidered, knee-length tunic that was a sky blue in color, with white trim and short sleeves. She was barefoot, although she did keep her slippers nearby, which were the same color as her tunic. She had her hair down today, and was wearing it loose with several pink and white ribbons tied in it. Every time I saw her, it took my breath a bit to behold how beautiful and angelic she truly looked to me. I walked over and gave her a big hug, as well as a kiss on the cheek, and I told her that I had received word of my mother's death. I began to cry, and she smiled and kissed my face, saying: “Magic kisses, to make your tears go away!” which I had to admit made me laugh and brightened my mood a great deal. I said unto her: “Magic kisses indeed, you sweet little thing you! But listen to me honey... I need to go and do something, and it might take a long time to see that it gets done. I know who killed my mother, and I intend to see that he is punished for it. Okay? So you just stay here with the servants, especially with Melisande who I know is your favorite... and be good until I return. Then, I promise that you can be as naughty as you want! In fact, we can both be naughty together then. Do we have a deal?” She smiled, mischievously, and then proceeded to jump up and down, cheering in a silly manner, before saying: “Deal! But please, please, please come back to me soon, my honey mead. I get so thirsty for your kisses!” I then kissed her quite passionately, and she returned my kiss with equal passion. Then I whispered to her lovingly: “I too shall thirst, until I am able to kiss your sweet lips once again!” It was hard to tear myself away from her, even for such a matter of importance as this was... but my duty was clear. I dressed myself in an ankle-length long-sleeved black tunic with silver trim, under which I wore a pair of baggy white trousers that were tucked into a pair of soft leather boots. Over my tunic, I put on a black leather vest, and over that a sturdy breastplate. Over this attire, I wore a black hooded cloak. Around my waist, I wore a leather belt with several pouches on it, and to that belt I did attach the sheath which contained the white sword Albion. I put on a pair of soft black leather gloves as well, and felt that I was dressed sufficiently and prepared well enough to go and meet with my brothers. They, I was certain, would in turn lead me to Gaheris... and, when I slew him at last, I would then take his head to Arthur and collect the bounty for it. After that, I could not care less if my brothers wished to slay Lamorak or not. My part in the matter would be over and done with as far as I was concerned. Of all my brothers, I alone sought vengeance solely for our mother. She, needed me to be her avenging angel in this matter, and I would serve that role zealously. I bid farewell to my wife and also to Melisande, whom I put in charge of handling all my affairs when I was away. She... that is to say Melisande... had been the chief of the servants, but showed a tremendous talent for handling money and seeing to the administrative affairs of running things in our lands. She also was excellent at organizing, and setting to various tasks, our soldiers... and she spoke with such authority that people obeyed her, oft without question. But best of all, she had a soft spot in her heart for children, and always knew just how to make little Kundry smile. She saw that our favorite meals were cooked, and she made certain that all things in our home were run efficiently, smoothly, and well. That is why I promoted her from the chief of the servants to my strong right hand. She was, aside from myself, the voice of authority in our lands. And people obeyed her as if she were my very voice. I knew that all would be well, with her in charge! That is why my heart was light when I departed by horse, with the messenger on his horse before me. I followed him and allowed him to guide me, for he alone knew where it was that my brothers had gotten off to, and though they did not know that I was on my way... I knew, that they would be pleased to see me after so many years. And if they were not, then they were never good brothers to start with as far as I was concerned. I had my own life now, and no longer felt the need to earn their approval as I once had in the days of my youth. We rode for a goodly, long distance... our pace was quick, and we did not stop.
It was early in the summer season, when this took place, and as we made haste in our wild ride across the lands before us I saw that it was a pleasant, beautiful day with only the wispiest clouds in a sky that was otherwise blue and vast high above. We rode through grasslands, plains, and woodlands alike, until soon we came to a place with dry looking grass on the border of a deep forest of tall pine trees and quite a few dry, dead looking trees interspersed between far greener living ones. A stream ran through all the woods therein, and there was a ravine not far from the stream. We came upon a rocky stretch near to a series of small hills within the forest, and there I did spy my brothers camped out in a small grove that was just off a ways from where the hills began. I knew it was they, because the messenger informed me of this as we approached. I immediately recognized among their number the familiar faces of Agravain and Gawain, who greeted me warmly as I approached. I was not surprised to see that Gareth was not at all with them, and the fighting men who stood at the side of my two brothers seemed to be rather more than a bit bored from waiting around for so long. So it was only those two of my brothers then, after all. The messenger's report had been accurate and faultless, it seemed. Though I had hoped that by now and against all odds, Gareth would be joining us. We would have to make do without him. Agravain wore a good deal more armor than I did, and had an ax in one hand and a short sword in the other. He had over his armor a dull reddish orange colored cloak, and looked as if he had not shaved in several weeks. He looked almost like a wild man, with so bushy a beard upon his face! His eyes were glaring as he stared about nervously, half expecting some kind of action... but he tried act in a friendly manner at least in a verbal sense, and said that he was happy to see me after all. “How long has it been, again?” he muttered before pretending to count upon his fingers after laying his weapons aside for a moment in order to so give me a big hug following that bit of silliness. “Too long! Much too long.” he declared. I walked over to Gawain after that, and he looked deep in thought. He had a neatly trimmed beard that went well with his handsome features. Evidently, he had taken more time for personal grooming than his brother, since venturing forth upon their mission. He wore a forest green tunic, a pair of plain looking grayish trousers tucked into a pair of fur boots, and he did wear over his tunic a brown vest and a far simpler breastplate than either mine or the one that Agravain was wearing. He carried a spear in his hands, but had a sword sheathed at his side an a large ax nearby at the ready. Several shields lay upon the ground all about, but no one was using them at present. There were helmets nearby as well, though they were all in a heap of sorts, so it was impossible to tell which helmet belonged to which person. I had forgotten to wear mine, and mentioned this to Gawain who stated: “Worry not, Mordred! We've some to spare, so when we set out once more you can help yourself to whichever one best suits you. As for me... what keeps bothering me the most, is that Gareth has not showed himself in any fashion since all of this began. How much of our troubles did the messenger tell you?” I explained to him everything that I was told of what had thus far transpired, and Gawain's face looked quite concerned after that. He then, did confess unto me: “Oh, aye! That very same messenger, before venturing forth to fetch you, arrived here at our camp to tell us of Gareth's impulsive desire to set out on his own, despite foregoing even the assistance of any men at arms such as we took with us. Gareth is a fool! He is like as not going to get himself killed. Gaheris has gone mad, and as for Lamorak... he is a match for any of us, if not all of us. That is why I am glad that you are here at our side! The tales we have heard of you and your fabulous blade... oh yes, we have in time come to hear tell of some of your exploits. Only good things, mind you! How you've become the lord over the Golden Woods now, and how you've been using that magical sword to help the common people from time to time... even before receiving your honored title. Some say you even went off on a journey to Lyonesse and came back with a beautiful bride! I am happy for you, brother. You have, I am sure, earned every bit of goodness that has come your way.” I nearly laughed, to hear him speak of my adventurers and exploits in such a way as this. I knew the truth, and how terrible it actually was. But I kept my own counsel, and said to him only: “Thank you, Gawain! Now, let us be about making plans.”
I remained for several days... at the castle wherein the girl who had been known as the Holy Grail had met her tragic end. I blamed myself for it, for had I not done with her as I had... at the urging of the mad child sorceress Kundry... then surely the sacred girl would not have committed suicide. Kundry herself saw to the recovery of the girl's body, which was sent to the temple of the sisterhood of Avalon in order to be laid to rest with the others of her holy bloodline who had preceded her. The dark druids, chose to be the ones to take the body hither, which left the castle empty save for myself and Kundry. I felt only a deep measure of self loathing, but despite her part in what I had done... I could not bring myself to hate or despise the child sorceress. Her words alone had not driven me to the deed I did, but rather it was in truth a mix of her words mingling with the words of my aunt Morgan, somewhere deep in my mind. In my time as a knight of the Round Table, I had longed to become a hero... to save virtuous maidens from peril, to slay beasts who ravaged the land, and to protect the innocent and uphold honor, virtue, and law in the name of my father the High King. But I had become a villain, I had violated the most virtuous of all maidens in the land, I had allowed myself to become a beast, and I had failed to protect one who was innocent as I abandoned my honor, lost my virtue, and cast away the law that I had sworn to uphold. In the days in which I remained in that evil place within the wasteland... I meditated and thought long on a great deal of this, and I became brooding and withdrawn. For her part, Kundry kept attempting to reach me, to snap me out of the deep depression I was falling into, but one day I said to her honestly: “Since I first met you, Kundry, you have said that you want nothing for yourself... and, you have focused always on what it is that I desire. But, for your sake, I have committed a deed so foul that I cannot live with the memory of it! All to set you free from what I believed was a curse. But I do not believe now that you in fact ever truly were cursed... you had an illness, and it likely has passed by now is all. I destroyed a life, an innocent life, over an illness! And nothing more. What do I want? I want it to be... as if that perverse thing which I did never happened at all. Can you do that for me, Kundry? I, did all that I did... for you.” And she was tender and understanding with me, remaining as bright and cheerful as a child her age may be of a want to be. She was only an eleven year old girl, and yet she had the soul of a grown woman... a woman prone to anger, jealousy, rage and vanity. I had seen all of those things about her, and yet still I found that I could not be cross with her. Realizing at last that I was not going to ever truly be over what I had done... I decided to put the horrid memory of it behind me, and attempt to pick up the pieces of all that remained of my life, and move on from there. With Kundry at my side, as my wife. “I am going to marry you, Kundry.” I told her at the last, explaining: “I think that, despite all the evil you have caused, I love you. In my time with you... I have seen how lonely you truly are, deep in your soul. And, I see in it an echo of my own growing melancholy and the loneliness I have always felt as well. Our paths shall be as one, and our hearts shall beat as one! Never more shall we be lonely, and allow our inner darkness to drive us to evil. Is that well with you?” She walked over to me as I sat at the dining room table, and did wrap her arms around me as she said happily: “Yes, Mordred! Ever since I first beheld you, within the visions I had of your arrival here, I have been hopelessly in love with you. I have craved you... and I have wanted and desired you with all of my woman's heart. My life has indeed been a lonely one, and a more terrible one than you might realize! My father sold me into prostitution... when he realized that he could never pay the dark druids the debt of money that he owed them. It is not important, why he owed this debt! But he did. You know that I age slower than normal, but do you know how much slower? By the time you are an old man, I will remain exactly as I am right now. The value of a child prostitute that will remain a child for far beyond the span of a human lifetime... let us just say, that I was able to pay in full my father's debt for him. Though it cost me my innocence, and perhaps my sanity! Like me, he was long lived beyond the normal, natural span... for him, the only way to escape his demons was by ending his life on his own terms. He never once, thought to take me from the brothel... before doing as he did.”
I looked at her, tried to imagine what it was like for her during that time of her life. And it broke my heart to consider it! She was slender, her face cherubic and sweet looking, her eyes filled with so much childlike innocence, or at the illusion of such. Those eyes were a bright blue... more blue than my own grayish blue eyes were. Her hair was a golden blonde color, and she liked to wear it up in a high sort of ponytail that sometimes she would decorate using silver hair cones. She had plump lips, big eyes, and her skin was very light but normal in tone compared to my chalk white flesh. She was nervous, prone to fidgeting, and sometimes she talked to herself or muttered things under her breath. She sometimes was of a want to skip through the halls of the castle, singing loudly, and I knew that she was trying to live a childhood that she had never got to enjoy. She was, today, wearing a long black flowing gown that had short puffy elbow-length sleeves and which laced up in the front. She did this to mourn the death of the Holy Grail, whom I had also been mourning. I could not deny that I found Kundry alluring in black! I found her alluring in general. She paused a bit before continuing to tell me her story as follows: “Now then... I, well that is to say after my father's suicide, I remained at the brothel and eventually became the mistress who ran it, having outlived the previous mistress. I passed that duty to another, and set out in search of the dark druids to whom my father had been indebted. Now then... the druids never said that my father had to whore me out like he did! How he got the money to pay them back, was his business. So for myself, I had nothing against them and figured that the dark druids were the only link I still had to my father... and so, I sought them out and asked to be allowed to join their order and learn their dark magic and even darker secrets. I wanted power at last! So that I could make my own decisions in life... so that I could have a say in what I do with my life, and not be at the mercy of the worst sorts of men. There were many women, as well as men, among the dark druids... and the women took pity on me for all I had been through. They were the first people who I can honestly say had been kind to me! For my father was never a kind man, nor a good man, and ever was he a selfish man first and foremost. I, rose high in the order of the dark druids, and eventually became their high sorceress. For it was sorcery, first and foremost, that these druids practiced... the blackest sort of magic that there is. That was how it was, that I came to dwell here! Merlin had heard of me, of course... he has eyes everywhere, and spies where his eyes cannot see. And that... was when he decided to entrust the skull and the spear to me. As for the Holy Grail, you know her story already. Now... you also know mine.” It was not a child who said all of that to me, but a broken, hurt woman who had never known love before in her life. Until now. I placed her hand in mine, and began to cry... she cried as well... and when we had finished crying we dried each other's tears and kissed long and passionately, trying to forget the pain we both carried within us. I told her my entire life's story up until the moment we met, and I confessed the forbidden trysts I had always had with my aunt Morgan, telling her that I would have those no longer now that I had her to love. Not once did I feel like I was talking to a little girl... and then she would act like a little girl and surprise me with how silly and bright she could be. I wanted nothing more than her, and nothing more than to be her husband. Those first several days turned to weeks... and the weeks turned to months... eventually it was, that the dark druids returned to the castle from their sorrowful expedition. Their leader was a rather tall, skinny old man with a shaved head and a neatly trimmed beard, whose name was Klingsor. Kundry had told me all about how this old man had been a proper father figure to her all these years, and that it was he who had taught her the deepest secrets of the magical arts. She also mentioned, that the old man was a eunuch who had actually castrated himself in order to atone for various lustful sins he had committed in his youth. It was he, whom the child sorceress wished to officiate the sealing ritual that passed for a marriage ceremony in her occult order. The ritual was held within a month after that, and it was during the nicest days of midsummer when the sealing ritual was performed. We journeyed far from the castle, beyond the wasteland, to a scared grove in the deepest of forests within the neighboring lands. There, in the sight of nature and the gods, we pledged to be bound together in love and in spirit for all of eternity.
I remember, the words that the child sorceress and I both spoke unto each other in order to be married at last, as our hearts desired: “I pledge myself to thee, for all eternity! In love, in trial, and in all things... I am thine. And thou art mine!” I said that unto her, and she said that unto me... and we kissed. Our kiss in that moment was the most passionate we had ever engaged in with each other... and those druids who did act as witnesses on that occasion smiled and sang, once this was done. The old man spoke words of a solemn nature, stating that because Kundry and I both chose to be bound to each other... for that life, and for any future lives to come... then so the gods and goddesses of the land must bear witness, as well as all those present, to that binding of two souls and spirits. Thus was the rite concluded, and when we did return to the castle after that, the child sorceress and I were finally husband and wife. I recall every detail of our wedding night! We chose the most romantic chambers of the castle, and we so made them our own for the occasion. Kundry wore a soft silken gown of a deep crimson red, which had long puffy white sleeves... and which laced up, in the front. About her waist, she wore a wide cloth sash belt which was tied in a neat bow at her side. Upon her feet were golden slippers, and around her neck she wore a necklace of black pearls, with black pearl earrings in her ears. Her ears were normal looking, like those of any human child. Whatever divine blood flowed in her veins... it was not Elvish blood... unlike mine. For in me flowed the blood of the Elvish folk of old, and sometimes I wondered if I had not inherited as well the madness that some claimed was inherent in the ancient Fair Folk. Myself, I wore flowing robes of the same red silken material as my bride's gown, and those robes had golden trim. About my waist, I wore a wide black belt encrusted with red ruby gemstones... and upon my feet were a pair of soft black slippers. I still kept around my neck, the pendant that my aunt Morgan had given me to wear... it was an ancient looking round medallion on which was etched deeply the image of an eye. In the middle of that eye was a single red ruby that sparkled fantastically in the light. I carried my bride over to the soft bed that sat near a window that overlooked the castle gardens, and I sat her upon it. She smiled at me in that mischievous way that she sometimes did when she wanted to make me happy, or when she was up to a bit of actual mischief. I never knew which it would be, with her, but on our wedding night I knew that it was a look of love, and naughtiness, and it made me smile as well. I untied her belt first, and then took mine off and laid next to her in the bed... caressing her legs, then her thighs, then what was between her legs. She sat up and kissed me long, passionately, deeply and lustily... pulling up my robes, so that she could see the growing hardness of my manhood. I wore no undergarments for this occasion, and I knew that neither did she. She began to play with the shaft between my legs, stroking it rhythmically and in a well practiced way that made me realize she had indeed done this before many times. “Close your eyes, my love!” she said, and I did so. “Lie back now.” she purred, and as I did so... I felt first those luscious lips of her closing over my manhood, and then the moistness of her mouth as she sucked upon it. I felt her tongue working magic that no little girl should have known how to perform, and yet which she was an expert with. She caressed my testicles with her hands in between continuing to stroke my shaft... as her mouth continued to move itself up and down over me down there. I kept feeling her up, running my finger up and down the cleft of her girlhood, moving it in and out of her. She had lifted up the skirts of her gown to allow me to do this easier... and then, she withdrew her mouth from off of my hardness. It was difficult to contain any longer, the passion I was feeling for her! She laid back and noticed that my eyes were open once again... she did not have to tell me, to open them. They were eager, as was I! And hungry for the love being offered me. She laid back and opened her legs widely for me. “Take me, my love! Hold nothing back... I want you, so badly.” she said, and began to rub her body as she said this. I was enticed beyond words to describe, and my hands were all over her body... rubbing, caressing every inch of her perfect young flesh. I was pulling her gown open in the front... she had unlaced it already... and she was pulling her skirts up all the way to her waist. She wrapped her arms around my back, as I did enter her, and thus did I begin thrusting my manhood into and out of her moist cleft. Over and over.
First she breathed heavily, as did I, and then the rhythm of our coupling bodies drove that breathing of hers into a panting... she was grinding her hips, getting into it, with undisguised pleasure... and her cries and moans were those of enjoyment. I grunted and began to sweat... as I pushed in and out of her with a greater intensity the more excited we both were becoming. I kept on kissing her beautiful face... my lips were raining kisses all over it, by that point. My hands were upon her nipples and my fingers were busy playing with them, and though she did not possess breasts like a grown woman... she liked how this felt when I touched her like that. I rubbed my hands all over her, feeling as much of her body as I could, as I neared my climax. She was nearing the most uncontrollable part of her experience as well, and together we found paradise in each other's arms, with the sweet release that brought us indescribable bliss. “Oh! I love you, I love you so much Mordred.” she cried out in that moment, and I whispered into her ear: “I love you also, Kundry... and I always will. You are the only goddess I shall ever again worship.” I was sincere when I said that also, and intended to be her knight henceforth, and only hers. Within the week, we decided to leave the castle and go back to meet with my aunt Morgan at her tower. However it may have turned out, I needed to let my aunt know how the quest she had sent me upon fared. My wife and I dressed in riding clothes, and rode upon my horse all the way back to the Golden Woods as fast as it so was possible for the animal to carry us, stopping only at night to rest at the occasional inn before on the morrow continuing upon our way. I was unquestionably old enough to be Kundry's father... and oft did people assume that she was my daughter, only to then notice the way in which she and I kissed, and the way our hands were often all over each other. But back in those days, it was common for girls to marry whilst still that young, and oft they married men a great deal older than themselves. What was rare, was for girls in those situations to be as happy and content as Kundry was with me. Thus did people actually understand... and when we told them that we were newly married they always offered us their blessings, and prayers, for a happy marriage. It was as long a journey, back to the Golden Woods from the eastern borders of Lyonesse... as long returning from there, as it had been to actually get there for the first time. But long though the journey was, the ride was thankfully without incident... and ere long we were once more nearing my aunt's tower in the Golden Woods, which looked to be in a better state than it had thus been when last I saw it. The process of the tower's rebuilding, seemed to be progressing quite decently. I and my beloved Kundry walked up to the front door of the structure, and I knocked upon it. Honestly, after so many times when no one answered when I knocked upon a door... I was half tempted to just up and kick the door in and enter unannounced. I told this to Kundry, who giggled at the thought. “Oh, you mean like this?” she asked, before skipping up to the door innocently... only to kick it in with a lot more strength than I ever knew she possessed. The door did not break, luckily... but the lock that had been on it most definitely was broken. “Oh my gods! I had no idea I was that strong.” the little girl cried out in a very real state of alarm before running back to me. I called into the tower: “Aunt Morgan, I do hope that you are home! It is I, Mordred... I have returned with news of the quest you sent me upon.” It was pretty much instantly that I could hear her rushing to the door in order to see what was going on. Morgan was wearing a long flowing black gown... with a black hooded cloak over it. Her chalk white skin, identical in tone to mine, made her truly appear to be an apparition of death itself. Her eyes were so much in the shadow of her hood, that they almost seemed totally black, and with no white in them whatsoever. Her raven black hair cascaded down from her hood, as she arched one of her eyebrows beneath her perfectly trimmed bangs. Clearly, she was surprised to see me! And to hear such a commotion at her door. “Oh! Is that what all this is about, then. Mordred, you did not have to break the door in... you could have just waited for me to respond. It is not like I did not hear you knocking... also, did I hear a little girl's voice as well? Tell me you did not adopt a child... you'd make a terrible father.” I then explained to her that in fact the little girl was my wife, and I told her how it was that I came to meet Kundry. I also tried to tell her... as quickly as I could.... what happened regarding the remains of Bran the Blessed she sent me for.
She could tell I was nervous, and attempting to rush my words out, and told me: “Hold, Mordred! It is best to come inside... rather than remain standing in the door and attempting to rush through all of those things that you are trying to spout out all at once like that. You are likely to give me a headache, and my life has been stressful enough of late without the added pain! Plus, your young wife will probably wish to be seated after such a long ride... she can relax whilst we talk in more detail. She does look very cute, and rather sweet, Mordred! I can honestly see why you chose her for your bride.” I said to Morgan, after Kundry and I were within the tower and the door was closed behind us: “We chose each other, actually. That is all part of what I wish to talk with you about! And so many other things besides.” Morgan was very kind to my wife, and showed her to a pile of pillows and cushions near the fireplace. The little girl sat herself down on them, and noticed a doll sitting upon a nearby shelf which she took into her hands and began to play with it. “A bit young?” Morgan remarked to me, and then mused: “But I suppose you did always have a thing for girls around her age! At least she seems happy.” I could almost detect a hint of jealousy in my aunt's voice, but put any thoughts of such things out of my mind. My aunt ushered me into a nearby chamber, leaving a servant girl to keep Kundry occupied whilst we talked. And I did talk for a good many hours with my aunt Morgan, telling her pretty much everything that had transpired. It was hard to tell what she thought, or felt, about how my journey had gone... and I was not sure if she so considered my quest to be a failure, or if all had gone as she had suspected it might. Finally, once I had finished speaking, she began to say: “Let me see, if I understand all of this correctly...” and she cleared her throat before continuing: “You destroyed Bran's skull... you also destroyed the sacred spear... and as if that was all not wicked and terrible enough, you actually raped one of the last members of the blessed bloodline of the Holy Grail. An act of the worst sort of sacrilege, which drove the poor girl to suicide. If I was with the sisters of Avalon at present rather than living here for a time... I would have been present when they received the poor child's body. I would have asked, what befell her that one so young should be dead in so violent a manner, and I am certain that the dark druids would have told some lie to me. I am certain they told some lie to whomever they met with from the sisterhood! Do you know, how much I despise dishonesty? Yet, no one must ever learn the truth of what you have done. I do happen to know Klingsor quite well, and I know that he is a goodly man if an imperfect one. You are lucky! I know that he covered for you... especially given that you seem to have fallen in love with a child whom he regards as his own daughter. But what you did was most grave, Mordred! Could you not tell right from the first that Kundry was suffering from some sort of madness? That you actually believed her story of being the victim of some sort of curse... you are as childish and insane as she is. Honestly! The two of you, really do deserve each other. An illness passes with time, unless it be a fatal one... but you cannot give back a life that was snuffed out. You should have asked Kundry to accompany you to the border of the wastes, and there told her that at your side she could cross beyond. Lo! The cruse is broken, and no one needed to be ravished and driven unto death thereby. She would have seen the truth, then. Instead, you actually believed her story, of being cursed... and tried to lift that curse in the cruelest way imaginable. It is not simply that you failed in this quest I sent you upon! To fail would indicate that you actually tried at all to succeed, to use your wits rather than your cock. But I see that you are a halfwit after all... and a slave of your desires first and foremost in life. I still do love you, Mordred! Do not mistake my angry words for hatred here... but I do not understand you after all this. I will be departing for Avalon ere long, and will be staying there, for the foreseeable future... you may have this tower to call your own, and all the surrounding lands shall be yours thereby. I will leave you my servants, and what few soldiers also live here, and they shall likewise be yours. You shall be a lord henceforth, not merely a knight... and I hope that you will prove yet to be a good one. Life shall be your test now! Not some quest to go off on, but life Mordred... life. You have told me much of Kundry, and of her past... and it is all very tragic what she has been through. Love her, cherish her, and be good to her always! But realize... she is quite mad.”
I could hear the sound of the little girl, singing, as she played with her doll... and, the servant girl was singing along with her. I turned toward that sweet sound, and tears filled my eyes. I spun back and said to Morgan angrily: “Mad, you say? Mad! Perhaps... but I love her all the same, and I always shall. Yes, I will love her, and I shall cherish her, and I will be good to her for so long as breath is in my body. Aye even beyond the death of my body, I shall love her still! She is my goddess, my love... and my life. If I am to be the lord of the Golden Woods, then she will be its' Golden Lady... and never will she want for anything ever again, nor know of tragedy or sorrow. That is my oath, and I swear it upon my very blood for what little such tainted blood as mine be worth!” I then sliced the palm of my hand with my sword, which felt as if I had cut it upon sharp ice. I sheathed the sword, and let the blood fall unto the floor. I took such oaths very seriously, and if I swore such an oath then one could be certain I meant to keep it. Morgan then remarked in a sad tone of voice: “That you would choose to swear such an oath with that sword, of all swords... but I suppose an oath is still an oath. Do the honorable thing, and keep to it! It is not yet inconceivable, that you may one day become a better man still than your father. I believe in you, although I do not approve of your actions thus far. As for your choice of bride... that, is your own affair. She would not have been my first choice for you, however.” I replied to that with words that came out a great deal more cutting, than I should have wished for them to sound... as I said: “No! I would not, to be honest, imagine that you would have chosen her for me... after all, you have always only ever wanted to keep me for yourself. Is that not right, aunt Morgan the so-called Fey? Aunt Morgan the murderess who killed her own husband in order to lay with her nephew!” I then felt the palm of her hand strike my face as she slapped me across it quite hard. She hissed furiously: “How dare you! You know what that man I was married to was like, and you know also the disgusting and vile way that he always treated me... if I am a murderess, than you are a rapist with a preference for children. Do not presume, to judge me! And I shall continue to pretend that you are still a virtuous knight. Excuse me, I mean a virtuous lord! Let us agree to find each other despicable, and leave it at that.” She had tears in her eyes, and I had tears begin to form in mine as well. There was no taking back, anything we had just said to each other... it was too late to pretend that our words did not hurt as deeply as they did. We did not speak at all after that, from the moment we both cried to the hour when my aunt began to pack her things and prepare for her trip to Avalon. Back at the castle in the wasteland, the old sorcerer Klingsor would continue to act as the head of the dark druids who called that place their home... he, would take my secret to the grave with him. I never saw either him, or Lyonesse, again. My home was now the Golden Woods, and over time I grew to be quite fond of that domain, and of the surrounding lands that I was now the ruler over. I personally oversaw the completion of the tower's rebuilding, and it was made more grand than ever before thanks to my artistic sensibilities. As the tower grew into a mighty fortress, and my army grew with it, I used my soldiers only to keep the peace and to enforce the king's justice. People knew me to be fair and just, and honorable as well. I became known as the Golden Lord, with my wife becoming known, likewise, as the Golden Lady. Everyone knew her only to be a beautiful, elegant little girl who was touched by the old gods of the land in such a way that she never aged and remained young and beautiful always. I liked that fairy tale they told of her! I liked that it was at last somewhat true. But she had a darkness in her soul that I could not ease... and, often it made her cry in her sleep and awaken with night terrors of the most awful sorts. She would claim to see demons and evil spirits, and say that they were chasing her about the tower. Always, I was there to calm her down, to soothe her often troubled heart... and, to keep whatever dark imaginary horrors she saw from bothering her. She heard voices, and she suffered from a great many vivid hallucinations too... and it seemed like as the years went by, these things became more troubling to her, rather than less so. All the same, I loved her with all my heart... and she loved me, with all of hers. I kept her in dolls, clothing, jewelry, and toys of every sort. I even filled whole rooms of our tower with such things, and created play rooms just for her to enjoy. She got to be a child, at long last!
I came to understand Kundry's madness, and how to ease it, and I found that the more she got to truly revel in and savor being a child... no longer burdened with an adult woman's worries... the more she did at last find peace. We remained always just as romantically, intimately, and passionately devoted to one another as when we first had been wed... we made love often, and with as much fire as ever. Nothing at all changed, except that I had become a great deal more protective of the little girl, and more devoted to her as the years passed. As my child wife's madness subsided, at last, things became much like as if we had entered into a true golden age. When people think of the golden age of Camelot, when things in the land were at the most peaceful and perfect under Athur's enlightened rule as rightful High King over all the lands which the Romans had once called Britannia... they do not often consider was life was like for those kings who ruled beneath him, or for the lords who looked after their own lands during that time. I had become one such lord, and I was proud at last to live in a land united by my father Arthur. I did see with my very own eyes the peace that his rule brought to lands such as my own... and I was proud to so pay him coin in tribute, as all the lords and kings of the land did. I remember, I was in my late thirties... when I received word of my mother's murder at the hands of my brother Gaheris. A messenger had rode all the way from the Orkney islands to deliver the news to me in person at my tower. I was so extremely shocked by his words, that I actually asked him to repeat the news to me. “Your mother is dead.” he so stated once more, adding: “Your brother Gaheris has taken her life in a fit of rage.” I asked him to then tell me, in detail, what it was that drove my brother into such a rage, and he then explained to me every last sordid detail regarding what had transpired. It all started many years previous, almost a lifetime ago by the time the messenger actually spoke of all this to me, when my mother's husband had been killed. I had never called King Lot my father, and so I only ever referred to him simply as my mother's husband. He had perished when one of Arthur's earliest and most trusted of royal allies, King Pellinore, did fight against him during a time when Lot attempted to lead a rebellion against Arthur for reasons that he did not ever share with the rest of his family. Suffice it to say that Lot was deemed the villain in the matter, and King Pellinore's act of slaying him and crushing his rebellion was, at the time, seen as a good thing. But ten years later, Gawain and Gaheris attempted to avenge their father's death by slaying Pellinore in a duel that was by all accounts quite the bloody business. They were successful in this... and on seeing the prowess of the two knights, Pellinore's son Lamorak decided that he too wished to become a knight in service to Arthur. Over the long years since, Sir Lamorak had become one of Arthur's noblest and in fact most valued of champions. He was not the greatest of all the knights of the Round Table, but truth be told... he was one of the most beloved by the people. But there was something at work which no one realized! Queen Morgause, my mother, had herself been a part of her husband Lot's death and there had been rumors claiming that she had poisoned him so that he would be weak enough to be killed easily by Pellinore. Making matters worse, because she did not wish to remain a widow forever... and was all the time seeking a younger man, to replace her husband with... she took Lamorak, to be her lover, and tried to keep the affair between them to herself. However, out of all my brothers both Gawain and Gaheris so did come to suspect the truth regarding both the death of their father... and who it was that now held our mother's fancy. Gawain invited our mother and Lamorak to stay at his estate, and there he planned to be the one to actually catch the two of them in the act. He wished to use that as an lawful pretext by which to challenge Lamorak to a duel and slay him, thereby avenging Lot's death by killing the son of the man who had killed him. But it was Gaheris who actually was the one who caught our mother with Lamorak in the end... and he caught her telling her young lover how she had indeed poisoned her husband so that she could ensure his death. This pushed him unto madness, for he had loved his father dearly, and in an act of thoughtless and bloody vengeance he beheaded our mother where she lay... but allowed Lamorak to escape, which had ruined Gawain's entire plan. Gawain came upon the scene of the murder and cried on the spot seeing our mother's headless naked body. He faced Gaheris, and demanded answers at once!
The messenger told me, that such was Gawain's words to our brother: “Gaheris! Oh, Gaheris, what is this thing that you have done to our mother? Whatever her guilt, she did not deserve such an end! Ever I had a mind to see her exiled should her own guilt regarding our father's death be proven... but now, it shall never be that she is punished for her crimes. You have helped her to escape beyond all justice! Oh and such wickedness... for the rest of us all loved her so, despite her failings. Whatever made you do it, this monstrous deed? And, where is the one who should have perished in her stead! Where is Lamorak, and why ever did you allow him to go free?” Thereupon, did Gaheris feel guilty for the slaying of our mother, and he confessed all to Gawain that he had discovered, admitting as well that he was unable to think clearly and acted out of some wicked impulse that had come upon him. When he told how it was that Lamorak fled the scene, with all haste... then it was, that everyone knew Lamorak to be a coward. A coward who left the woman he loved to die whilst attempting to save his own worthless skin. A vain attempt was made to hide Gaheris' responsibility for our mother's death, and to blame Lamorak for it... but that attempt was unsuccessful, because some of the servants had actually heard what happened the night of the queen's death, including her own admission of guilt regarding her husband's demise, and so did they refuse to cover for either Gaheris, or our mother. Morgause was now known all throughout the Orkney islands, to have been a poisoner and a murderess herself... and, Gaheris was branded a traitor to the kingdom and a murderer guilty of the crimes of matricide and regicide. Arthur was informed of this, and the High King stripped Gaheris of his knightly title and put a bounty out on his head. As soon as it became apparent that this had happened, Gaheris fled the Orkney islands and went off in a mad pursuit of Lamorak... intending to catch him and slay him so that his brother's wishes might be honored. Since he had been very vocal about chasing after Lamorak prior to leaving... all of my other brothers knew at once, what was going on when Gaheris at last turned up missing. They got together and decided it was time to find Gaheris, pursue Lamorak, and settle this matter once and for all. All of my brothers, that is, except for Gareth, who was not convinced that Gaheris was guilty after all. He believed that it had thus been Lamorak who had murdered our mother... and so, he waited until they had just left, before himself setting out to track down Gaheris and Lamorak on his own. When last anyone had spotted Lamorak, he had arrived at Camelot during a tournament that was being held there, and he requested that Arthur thus keep him safe and grant him protection from the vengeful Gaheris. Arthur agreed to do this, but only on the condition that Lamorak be willing to agree to a truce between his royal house and mine. For, if it be that he did not... then my brothers would surely come for him, and without the High King's protection it would be impossible to stop him from being slain. He did not desire such a truce, and so he refused the offered protection and departed from Camelot for parts unknown. The messenger did say that he knew, or at the very least had a good idea, where my brothers were at the moment... and he suggested that I so set forth to meet with them and try to see what I could do to help resolve the matter. I was overcome at that moment with a tremendous fury and rage towards Gaheris... I did not care what had happened with King Lot, or that my mother had poisoned him. He had died, when I was still too young for it to matter, and I was raised with the knowledge that Arthur was my true father. If Lot had been anything at all like my aunt Morgan's former husband, King Urien, then he was likely a pig of a man who deserved such a fate as he had received. Doubly, for rising up against Arthur and failing to so much as give even a valid reason for doing so! I had no respect for such a man as that. If my brothers wished to avenge him, that was their business, and none of mine. But Gaheris had taken my mother's life, and I had loved her. Her sweet voice, had sung me lullabies when I was a baby, and her arms held me... and it was she who first taught me to walk, and who taught me how to read, and who taught me how to be noble. What she did not teach me, my aunt Morgan did. Both of them had spoiled me, pampered me, and saw to it that I so wanted for nothing. Now that my mother's sweet voice had been silenced forever, I burned with a fierce desire to seek revenge on her behalf. I wept for her... and I swore that I would make Gaheris pay dearly.
I asked the messenger: “If you truly do know the whereabouts of my brothers, then take me to them as soon as I am able to get ready for the journey! I wish to see to some matters first, but will be prepared to leave swiftly enough.” I then walked into one of the play rooms, where Kundry was busy playing with a ball and tossing it into a bucket on the far side of the room. She wore a finely embroidered, knee-length tunic that was a sky blue in color, with white trim and short sleeves. She was barefoot, although she did keep her slippers nearby, which were the same color as her tunic. She had her hair down today, and was wearing it loose with several pink and white ribbons tied in it. Every time I saw her, it took my breath a bit to behold how beautiful and angelic she truly looked to me. I walked over and gave her a big hug, as well as a kiss on the cheek, and I told her that I had received word of my mother's death. I began to cry, and she smiled and kissed my face, saying: “Magic kisses, to make your tears go away!” which I had to admit made me laugh and brightened my mood a great deal. I said unto her: “Magic kisses indeed, you sweet little thing you! But listen to me honey... I need to go and do something, and it might take a long time to see that it gets done. I know who killed my mother, and I intend to see that he is punished for it. Okay? So you just stay here with the servants, especially with Melisande who I know is your favorite... and be good until I return. Then, I promise that you can be as naughty as you want! In fact, we can both be naughty together then. Do we have a deal?” She smiled, mischievously, and then proceeded to jump up and down, cheering in a silly manner, before saying: “Deal! But please, please, please come back to me soon, my honey mead. I get so thirsty for your kisses!” I then kissed her quite passionately, and she returned my kiss with equal passion. Then I whispered to her lovingly: “I too shall thirst, until I am able to kiss your sweet lips once again!” It was hard to tear myself away from her, even for such a matter of importance as this was... but my duty was clear. I dressed myself in an ankle-length long-sleeved black tunic with silver trim, under which I wore a pair of baggy white trousers that were tucked into a pair of soft leather boots. Over my tunic, I put on a black leather vest, and over that a sturdy breastplate. Over this attire, I wore a black hooded cloak. Around my waist, I wore a leather belt with several pouches on it, and to that belt I did attach the sheath which contained the white sword Albion. I put on a pair of soft black leather gloves as well, and felt that I was dressed sufficiently and prepared well enough to go and meet with my brothers. They, I was certain, would in turn lead me to Gaheris... and, when I slew him at last, I would then take his head to Arthur and collect the bounty for it. After that, I could not care less if my brothers wished to slay Lamorak or not. My part in the matter would be over and done with as far as I was concerned. Of all my brothers, I alone sought vengeance solely for our mother. She, needed me to be her avenging angel in this matter, and I would serve that role zealously. I bid farewell to my wife and also to Melisande, whom I put in charge of handling all my affairs when I was away. She... that is to say Melisande... had been the chief of the servants, but showed a tremendous talent for handling money and seeing to the administrative affairs of running things in our lands. She also was excellent at organizing, and setting to various tasks, our soldiers... and she spoke with such authority that people obeyed her, oft without question. But best of all, she had a soft spot in her heart for children, and always knew just how to make little Kundry smile. She saw that our favorite meals were cooked, and she made certain that all things in our home were run efficiently, smoothly, and well. That is why I promoted her from the chief of the servants to my strong right hand. She was, aside from myself, the voice of authority in our lands. And people obeyed her as if she were my very voice. I knew that all would be well, with her in charge! That is why my heart was light when I departed by horse, with the messenger on his horse before me. I followed him and allowed him to guide me, for he alone knew where it was that my brothers had gotten off to, and though they did not know that I was on my way... I knew, that they would be pleased to see me after so many years. And if they were not, then they were never good brothers to start with as far as I was concerned. I had my own life now, and no longer felt the need to earn their approval as I once had in the days of my youth. We rode for a goodly, long distance... our pace was quick, and we did not stop.
It was early in the summer season, when this took place, and as we made haste in our wild ride across the lands before us I saw that it was a pleasant, beautiful day with only the wispiest clouds in a sky that was otherwise blue and vast high above. We rode through grasslands, plains, and woodlands alike, until soon we came to a place with dry looking grass on the border of a deep forest of tall pine trees and quite a few dry, dead looking trees interspersed between far greener living ones. A stream ran through all the woods therein, and there was a ravine not far from the stream. We came upon a rocky stretch near to a series of small hills within the forest, and there I did spy my brothers camped out in a small grove that was just off a ways from where the hills began. I knew it was they, because the messenger informed me of this as we approached. I immediately recognized among their number the familiar faces of Agravain and Gawain, who greeted me warmly as I approached. I was not surprised to see that Gareth was not at all with them, and the fighting men who stood at the side of my two brothers seemed to be rather more than a bit bored from waiting around for so long. So it was only those two of my brothers then, after all. The messenger's report had been accurate and faultless, it seemed. Though I had hoped that by now and against all odds, Gareth would be joining us. We would have to make do without him. Agravain wore a good deal more armor than I did, and had an ax in one hand and a short sword in the other. He had over his armor a dull reddish orange colored cloak, and looked as if he had not shaved in several weeks. He looked almost like a wild man, with so bushy a beard upon his face! His eyes were glaring as he stared about nervously, half expecting some kind of action... but he tried act in a friendly manner at least in a verbal sense, and said that he was happy to see me after all. “How long has it been, again?” he muttered before pretending to count upon his fingers after laying his weapons aside for a moment in order to so give me a big hug following that bit of silliness. “Too long! Much too long.” he declared. I walked over to Gawain after that, and he looked deep in thought. He had a neatly trimmed beard that went well with his handsome features. Evidently, he had taken more time for personal grooming than his brother, since venturing forth upon their mission. He wore a forest green tunic, a pair of plain looking grayish trousers tucked into a pair of fur boots, and he did wear over his tunic a brown vest and a far simpler breastplate than either mine or the one that Agravain was wearing. He carried a spear in his hands, but had a sword sheathed at his side an a large ax nearby at the ready. Several shields lay upon the ground all about, but no one was using them at present. There were helmets nearby as well, though they were all in a heap of sorts, so it was impossible to tell which helmet belonged to which person. I had forgotten to wear mine, and mentioned this to Gawain who stated: “Worry not, Mordred! We've some to spare, so when we set out once more you can help yourself to whichever one best suits you. As for me... what keeps bothering me the most, is that Gareth has not showed himself in any fashion since all of this began. How much of our troubles did the messenger tell you?” I explained to him everything that I was told of what had thus far transpired, and Gawain's face looked quite concerned after that. He then, did confess unto me: “Oh, aye! That very same messenger, before venturing forth to fetch you, arrived here at our camp to tell us of Gareth's impulsive desire to set out on his own, despite foregoing even the assistance of any men at arms such as we took with us. Gareth is a fool! He is like as not going to get himself killed. Gaheris has gone mad, and as for Lamorak... he is a match for any of us, if not all of us. That is why I am glad that you are here at our side! The tales we have heard of you and your fabulous blade... oh yes, we have in time come to hear tell of some of your exploits. Only good things, mind you! How you've become the lord over the Golden Woods now, and how you've been using that magical sword to help the common people from time to time... even before receiving your honored title. Some say you even went off on a journey to Lyonesse and came back with a beautiful bride! I am happy for you, brother. You have, I am sure, earned every bit of goodness that has come your way.” I nearly laughed, to hear him speak of my adventurers and exploits in such a way as this. I knew the truth, and how terrible it actually was. But I kept my own counsel, and said to him only: “Thank you, Gawain! Now, let us be about making plans.”
Published 8th Dec 2022
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