ana

i hate getting naked because i hate the way i look
i hate doing my hair because it will be thin and brittle anyways\
i'm always cold
and i dont think its the low iron anymore
but if its so bad then why do i still look the way i do
am i not disciplined enough?
i cant even lay on my side without rolling up
like a huge carpet
none of my pants fit anymore
not even the new ones i just bought
there's always the rolls, the extra skin
maybe i want to weigh less so i take up less physical space
the same way i hardly exist in anyones mental space
im tired of taking up space in more ways than one
i dont feel pretty anymore, much less even 'cute'
i dont know if i'll ever believe im beautiful
the only reason people tell me i am is
because they're just trying to be nice
im a fucking pity party
and i would've rented a clown but i'm already there
whats the use in even trying to be smaller
i'll still be unhappy with myself
i could be 90 pounds and still wish to be smaller
maybe until i turn into nothing