deepundergroundpoetry.com
RUN!HELP!FIRE!
The stench of chrome
it don't extinguish.
The acid foam is bitter to the taste
In case we win this
we don't boast wages.
The winner can say
what he wants when it's finished.
The brain matters
and the heart don't distinguish
The images we collect in our heads
Its a bit over the line
It's too much.
It's our secret.
Some like it hot.
The others keep it a secret.
The microscopes picking up cross contamination
The red dotted line we cut with our fingers
A slithering rope.
A slippery ramp
We're liable to
Hit the pavement
It's our one weakness.
it don't extinguish.
The acid foam is bitter to the taste
In case we win this
we don't boast wages.
The winner can say
what he wants when it's finished.
The brain matters
and the heart don't distinguish
The images we collect in our heads
Its a bit over the line
It's too much.
It's our secret.
Some like it hot.
The others keep it a secret.
The microscopes picking up cross contamination
The red dotted line we cut with our fingers
A slithering rope.
A slippery ramp
We're liable to
Hit the pavement
It's our one weakness.
Published 19th Nov 2022
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19th Nov 2022 6:47pm
I like this, a lot. It is creatively constructed, and definitely worth the read.
(Where you use "don't" should probably be "doesn't" , I think. Small matter, but may help the flow for the reader).
This is a very clever, well done write. Great job here.
(Where you use "don't" should probably be "doesn't" , I think. Small matter, but may help the flow for the reader).
This is a very clever, well done write. Great job here.
19th Dec 2022 7:39pm
You've hit several points with this piece. Mental health has become an issue in the world and it's important to look for the signs, not just in others but in ourselves.
Outstanding ink.
Outstanding ink.
