Gripping Too Hard

I hold onto her too hard
never knowing if she is staying
or leaving.
And I cannot say I know
whether this is me, and my pain,
or something she stirs up in me.
Some days I know
that it will be okay
and some nights
the fear crashes over me
and I silently cry more than I'd like.
Because ever time I worry
that she will leave instead of stay
I am failing,
always failing,
to trust her.
To know I have a place
in her life.
But I cannot say whether it is me
or it is her
that ultimately knows
why I am the always scared.
All I know is I hold her too hard
And I do that a lot
with people I love.
Even though I know
I am strangling them.
And I feel shame
every single time
I fail again
to loosen
my grip.