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"Your Name Goes Here"


Dear "______",

We're going to be okay.

But just in case,
I wrote you this note.

When I'm quiet, it's not to shun you,
I'm just at that place in my head.
I'm not even sure that it's within my brain.
It has it's own space, muffling my ears
and glazing my eyes
-It's all reversed, to outside in.
So I go deaf and blind, to many things,
but it's only temporary.

Doctors try to label it,
but I won't sit my ass in their box.
   It's too small.
They can't even see the expanse
of all of my thoughts,
because they're standing too close
to my wall.

They tell me what I have,
but they can't say for sure
what I'm missing.
They have no idea,
what all I carry already.

I don't ever feel alone,
because I'm so crowded inside.
So please, understand
and start with me
from your outside, in.
I will make room,
and I will deal with it,
as I let you in
to each compartment.

I hear you, I do.
Just at times it gets tangled
with the commotion that overwhelms me.
Read my notes, though;
None of those things inside me
have arms or legs,
so bring me yours.
You can quell that chaos
into silence
for little whiles, at a time.

I can be that person
that you hoped I was.
The one that the professionals
cannot identify.
Their intrigue is not sincere for me.
I'm not to be studied.
I'm not a victim, for scrutiny.

There is nothing missing to me.
It's all just buried
by an extra layer.
Only a smile can open me,
so please bring yours.
Turn my head, if you have to.
Make me see you.
Find my worth.

I do have feelings.
Just because I don't feel
hot and cold,
doesn't mean that nothing's there.
It's all simple to me;
There's only open, and closed.

So be brave enough to come inside,
when the opportunities happen.
I will try my damnedest
to make it worth your while.

It's more gentle than it seems;
I'm not trapped inside,
that's not how it is.
It's that it's the only home
that I've ever known,
that doesn't burn down
in my head.

I'm not a castle,
nor a mausoleum.
I don't need a caretaker
or a queen.
Just help me open my window sometimes.
Because I forget, too frequently.

A few have tried to be those roles,
and I've disappeared on each of them
before they ever left.
I've no room for pretense.

What is real
is that I'm only a ferris wheel.
But I have no say-so
to the highs and lows.
On a good day,
we can eat lunch in the sky.
During bad, I forget to eat at all.
You'll have to bring your own.
And maybe, save me some.

So if you're still with me,
I can't promise you an Eden.
It doesn't mean you're not worth it.
It means that I don't even know
what one is.
Yet I can vow, no snakes
will dare venture here.
There is no worst of things
around me.

You don't have to sign anything.
Just wait, right here beside me
and I will come to you,
every time that my ferris wheel
lifts me up, into the open.


~~~
Styxian
Author's Note
That's enough notes.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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