Not Ready for Horses

he enters the waiting room
calls my name
I look up
instant yes
green light from the universe
maybe the fifth time in my life
absolute knowing has come to me
faster than I can think

he asks what I want in a therapist

don't overdo the reflective listening
be blunt
call me out
don't be judgemental
if I'm trying to entertain you
steer me back to the hard work

I look him in the eye

a lot of it is just vibes
I already know you're going to work for me

we discuss his early morning hours
afternoons he does equine therapy

I used to love horses I tell him
started riding when I was five
both English and Western
then when I was about 12 or 13
I became afraid of them

I don't feel in control on a horse
I blurt before thinking

he looks me in the eye

is control a big thing for you?

oh shit

I stare at the floor

that's.., an interesting question

he calls me out
mentions its the first time I've broken eye contact

yep

i'm ready for this journey


but horses scare me