Paroxysms of Sinking

I say I’m fine
Then call the suicide hotline
For friends
When will it all end
I’m not getting anything out of this
It doesn’t fill the emptiness
I zone out every now and then

I don’t remember making the decision
To become a walking coping mechanism

My heads vibrating but you roll your eyes
Say take a deep breathe it’ll be fine
But it doesn’t get rid of the blurry lines
Or the feeling I’m running out of time
I’d do something to quiet my mind
But the same accidents
Don’t happen twice

It’s been a lie so long
I don’t know that it really is
But they can’t find out
About my numb fingertips
Because it hurts too much
When they break your ribs
Then stare at your heart
And say it can’t be fixed

You don’t even talk to me
I’m not where I thought I’d be
I only live to go to sleep
I’m quietly drowning
But I’ll keep reacting correctly
Pretend this water isn’t heavy