deepundergroundpoetry.com

Image for the poem Be On The Look-Out Of...

Be On The Look-Out Of...

Honestly,Honestly,      
I didn't know,I didn't know,          
Who I was.          
Since the age of 19,          
I was with this man,my husband.          
And at the age of 39,          
I still didn't know,          
Didn't know,          
who I was.          
          
It was only recently,          
I was thinking of going it alone,          
Cos          
Mentally,          
Emotionally,          
Psychologically,  
Spiritually,       
My husband had,          
Total,          
Total,          
Control,          
Control.          
         
He never physically,          
Never physically,          
Never physically,hit me though.          
Instead,          
He had me mentally,          
Totally mentally,          
Running on a wheel of confusion.          
         
But,at the time,          
I didn't know,          
I wasn't aware,          
Of what was so wrong.          
The constant put-downs,          
The criticisms,          
The judgements,          
The invasion of my privacy,          
The possessiveness          
The controlling,          
The manipulations,          
         
So used 2,so used 2,I was,so used 2,I was,I was.          
         
For many years,          
He dismissed me and my feelings,          
Frequently calling me a total joke.          
And without thinking,          
I just used 2,          
I just used 2,          
Comply with,whatever he wanted.          
But on the inside,I was hurt,torn apart,hurt,hurt.          
I was hurt,          
So hurt,          
So hurt.          
 So hurt.    
 
Power hungry.          
He was power hungry.          
He was obsessed about controlling my life.          
But now he can't control me,          
Can't control me.          
I'm no longer his wife.          
         
Cos yesterday,after another argument,          
He pushed me,just pushed me,2 far.          
         
And consequently,          
After that argument,          
After that argument.          
         
I did the Unthinkable.        
He pushed me 2 far.          
         
As usual,after an argument,          
He left me alone,at home.          
2 fester and ruminate,          
about what we were arguing about.          
     
  But this time      
When he came back,          
Came back,          
Came back home.          
He found me,          
On the bathroom floor,          
Surrounded by a pool of blood,          
And his -(many times aimed at me), gun,beside me.          
         
I was only,          
Only,          
Only,          
39 years old.          
But he pushed me,          
My husband pushed me,          
So far,          
So far.          
Now he's on his own.          
         
I'm sure he's very happy,          
Very happy,          
Or maybe he's not.          
Cos now he's got no-one,          
2 control,          
2 control,          
2 control.-------------------          
         
"What should we,          
The immediate Community,          
Be on the look-out For?"          
       
STOP Emotional Abuse,
And  Domestic Violence.      
         
         
R.I.P Elizabeth Moortley.          
 January 1983- March 2022.          
       
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
         
©Wired6. 30/9/2022.
Wired6
Written by Wired6
Published | Edited 7th Oct 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2 reading list entries 1
comments 4 reads 77
MidnightSonneteer
Commenting Preference: 
The author is looking for friendly feedback.

Latest Forum Discussions
SPEAKEASY
27th November 2022 11:45pm by SweetKittyCat5
SPEAKEASY
27th November 2022 10:17pm by Wafflenose
COMPETITIONS
27th November 2022 3:02pm by Bluevelvete
SPEAKEASY
27th November 2022 5:05am by rabbitquest
SPEAKEASY
26th November 2022 4:35pm by Styxian
COMPETITIONS
26th November 2022 6:16am by DerrickOlley