For Lilly... R. I. P.

we were just mindless kids back then
we lived for adrenalin and welcomed sin
the rambunctious kids who hated any authority
honestly getting fucked up was our only priority
 
ive grown now but i still struggle with my temptations
trying to find my release and ultimate salvation  
i hate myself now more than ever
because we were going to do everything together
 
we just got way to caught up in things and fell into a hole
you never got to clime out though and it still fills me with sole
because i should have been the one sixxx feet under by now
instead you unknowingly took my place and i now know how..
 
Cody kept his word it was really good shit
but at what coast? your only spirit..?
i never shouldve left to get high..
its so fucked up because i know im the reason you died..
 
goddess, i swear i didn't know
that hes that one who stole
all the pills from that fucking junkie
i just thought id score from some dumb flunky
 
can you ever forgive me where ever you are?
are you the eyes watching me in every star?
i can feel you when your presence is near me..
are you trying to tell me its ok, you've been set free?
 
why do you still come to me in my dreams?
to replay the moment i realized it was your screams..
and i can smell the sulfur emanating from the gun..
ill never forget the hysteria i felt when i knew you were gone
 
that was the first time i ever had a bad trip
all i could understand was the blood that dripped
and that it was your death that haunted my mind
along with the hatred i developed for all of mankind
 
so why do i still crave for a fix?
why did i once degrade myself into turning tricks..
i had to numb myself from the burden ill always carry
that im the reason you rode the styx ferry
 
i never should have left you there
alone in a house with people who didn't care..
but im slowly learning to forgive myself
with your kind guidance and natures blessed help
 
ill never forget you and all the joy you brought me
so im writing this cause i just don't know how else to say im sorry
i practice the old religion just like you once did
so i can see the way you smiled at me when we were kids