deepundergroundpoetry.com

It wasnít my time

Feeling lost, sad, hopeless, vulnerable
Depression ainít nothing to play with  
Especially when you mix it with other emotions anxiety and stress † † †
My life was rough and far from the best † † †
but one day I had to sit down and digestÖ † † †
the feeling that I wasnít a man who I shouldíve been † † †
My life was spiraling out of control and thatís an understatement † † †
Then one day I realized I had gone too far, † † †  
Put everything aside and went away in my car † † †
Stopped at the store picked up a few things † † †
And when It became dark  
I found myself sitting in a park † † †  
My straight as an arrow life now had a bend † † †
Where my life went wrong I couldnít begin † † †
So that night I decided my life would end † † †
I reached in the bag and pulled out a small bottle
I couldnít take the pain and heartache anymore † † †
I felt my life going down a bottomless hill † † †
So I wrote a letter, popped the cap and swallowed every pill †
God had no control, this with my will † † †
But oh how I was so wrong  
He always has control †† †
I leaned back my seat and prepared to leave my physical form † †  
After I drifted in the darkness I heard this voice that said itís not your time † † †
I refuse to accept you like this † † †
There are four beautiful reasons I need you to stay where you are. My son your mission is far from over † † †
I said naw man itís too late † † †
I already decided my fateÖ † † †  
and he said ha ha thatís what you think † † †
And I heard the names of my kids Breeana, Mahalynn, Meilani, Jaevin † † †
And by that time it was another day whenÖ † † †
I looked up and saw a light but it wasnít at the end of a tunnel..I was in a hospital room. † † †
Damn I canít do nothing right. Even the suicide was a major fail † † †  
But after some time Iíll was happy I got that L † † †
And although I knew my mind wasnít well † † †
I knew I had to stay around for my kids. They needed me † † †  
And I needed to learn to value and love myself † † †
And now many years later I move with purpose † † †
I may be a little timid but for the most part I put myself out there † † †
Whether itís honing my pen skills † † †  
make a smart business deals † † †  
Helping my children reach success  
Or letting special lady know how I feel † † †
Iím still a work in progress and but I learned to keep that demon at bay † † †  
I found my muse whoís words help me not go astray † † †  
I wake up every morning felling blessed that God let me see another day † † †
I live life humbly grateful that my soul never got casted away
vcsawyer1
Written by vcsawyer1 (MrVirgo)
Published | Edited 6th Oct 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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