The spool is spun
The first moment I saw the sun.
I lightly tread
Upon a thread,
Walking a line so thin
Knowing I'll fall, let slip my feelings, but not when,
As I teeter over the edge, left and right
Wobbling, knowing not if I'll fall left or right,
Or straight forward,
Or exactly backward,
Or do a loop-de-loop, bounce around
And land anywhere on the ground.
Truths, secrets, social norms, rebellions,
Thoughts, feelings, preoccupations, and actions,
Sometimes lopsided one way or the other,
With thoughts and realizations that leave me sober,
Balancing words, actions, and appearance,
For each appearance, interaction, and instance,
A delicate game we all have to play,
I'm not keeping score, but I do say,
There are plenty better than me,
As well as plenty worse then me,
It goes both ways,
And will, for the rest of my days.
Just because I have to balance myself,
Just because sometimes I have to tweak myself,
And behave appropriate to certain places,
Does not mean I am hiding behind masks of other faces,
I'm merely doing what humans have been doing
Since we were first forming.
I won't lie, it's difficult at times,
But usually pretty easy other times,
I know I can't joke with coworkers, the same as my friends,
I have to be respectful at a wedding or funeral, until it ends,
But there are times when I'm expected to behave,
In a way that I don't want to behave,
And wear what I don't want to wear,
Or not allowed to wear what I want to wear,
I wish I had facial hair,
I would have the coolest mustache like Magnum P.I.,
Sometimes I wished I looked more like a guy,
I sometimes wish I looked more like cool characters,
Like Dracula from Van Helsing (2004),
Or Pegasus from Yu-Gi-Oh, or
Herr Drosselmeyer from the Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986),
Or Agent Smith, from the Matrix,
Or many others,
There aren't as many badass female/feminine characters,
So many female characters are as light as feathers,
Agile is one thing (nice, regardless of whoever),
But they have no emotional weight whatsoever,
I feel like most female characters would be knocked off their feet,
And/or forced to bend their boundaries first, or even retreat.
I like looking feminine, but if I had my druthers
Would be nice to have slightly wider shoulders,
And a slightly more masculine fat distribution,
And sometimes men get the best costumes and fashion.
But I digress,
I still like a good dress.
But I continue to balance,
This wobbly dance
And what it brings, occasional strife.
The spool rolls
Until the bell tolls
And I see the sun for the last time,
To tell my last rhyme,
As my thread is cut
By the fates, for reasons I know not what,
But the eventual end of my cycle,
And the beginning of my next cycle.
...Whenever in the future that may be.