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when my coworker is a girl,

Each day that I go to work, I wake up, drink tea, take a shower then ride the bus. Every morning is like this, every morning is constant.
 
For some reason though, I had felt this imminent dread when I woke up. I forgot to drink my tea, I barely took a shower, and I was so close to being late for the bus.
 
When I kept going through the motions of messing up almost every part of my routine, my head was still so far out removed from what I was doing because I couldnít stop thinking about you.
 
Once I finally walk through the doors to the office and I see you standing there, I have no clue how I am supposed to act around you.
 
Ignoring you would offer safety from any awkward moments today, but it only just makes things more awkward in the future.
 
If I let loose and be friendly, Iím more afraid that Iím going to start having more feelings for you, which makes being coworkers awkward.
 
And it would be great to admit that I have feelings for you, but that means confronting the fact that Iím actually attracted to more than one gender.
 
Sometimes I see how uncomfortable you are around me, and I apologize for that.

Every part of me just wants to tell you that itís not because I hate you that I canít talk to you, itís because of me. BecauseÖIím not sure who I am anymore.
 
Things were so much easier before I met you. All of the girls that I were attracted to were through a phone screen. They were beautiful but I thought to myself: ďI could never meet a girl I like in real life.Ē
 
But here we areÖ
 
As soon as I realized I liked you, everything just started making sense. All of this confusion in my head about my sexuality is started to clear up. Right now, I feel validated and grateful that I know better about myself. But this enlightenment brings with it the heavier weight of stigma and rejection.
 
When I didnít know that I was bi, I still felt an attraction to more than one gender, but I didnít feel comfortable with the label yet because as a girl, it felt more acceptable to admire guys only. Any attraction to a girl or any other gender for that matter just felt off the table for me.
 
But now I realize how much not being able to tell you that I like you is messing with my identity and my self-esteem. I realize that a girl like me really likes a girl like you, even though I like guys too.  
 
Of course, it doesnít mean that other genders donít exist, or that I canít possibly be attracted to other genders, but I just know now that Iím attracted to both guys and girls.  

I am bisexual.
 
AndÖI like you.
ohmy_engrish
Written by ohmy_engrish (^-^)
Published | Edited 24th Sep 2022
Author's Note
Yes, this is true. I now identify as bisexual.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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