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Image for the poem Dismal???

Dismal???

I am so unloved.
So fkn unloved.
Tired of all the shit that's followed me all the days of my life.
49 yrs old and already had more than one wife.
Alone is what i deserved.
Alone is what i got.
Alone is what i am.
This is my destiny.
I've accepted this.
P.o.s that ain't worth piss.
May God in heaven forgive me for my wickedness.
I know in my heart i deserve nothing short of death in hell.
Help me god.
So tired i am.
Mentally fogged i have become.
Mentally numb.
Day in day out.
Sleep all fkn day even while i work i am walking dead sedated.
My life wasn't always hated.
Is there really anything left for myself?
If there is, Lord, let it be shown to me.
ASAP.
I wholeheartedly admit that I am sinner.
No denying that.
No running from it.
As long as I'm alive, I'll continue to sin.
This world is shit.
Sins of flesh.
What a fkn mess.
Today would be an excellent day to spread my arms and die to fly with the lord, be a beautiful sight.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a fkn loser.
A nothing.
I keep back slidin'.
Falling back into this pit full of demons.
Spent more than half my life stuck within darkness.
Just when I think I'm done clawing myself back to the light out from hell.
I stumble and my soul fell.
So low.
So lonely.
So unhappy.
So much mental pain.
Feels like I'm drifting off into nothingness.
Fkn stress.
Fkn mess.
My God please stop this.
So unstable.
Why lord why?
Is it from my sin?
I feel no one cares.
I feel no one loves thee.
Patiently I've waited lord, for you to take me home.
From this earth make me be gone.
Now my patience is worn thin.
Now i want my spiritual life to begin.
Major true blue depression, that's the hell i live in.
Throat closing, dizzy spells.
On my past i love to dwell.
Every day i cry.
Every day i pray to die.
I have no will, no drive to carry on in this fkd world.
I tried.
I gave love.
So much fkn love.
It was all shoved.
Now i sit here day by day.
Fk no i don't wanna stay.
All i wanted was someone to love me.
At 49 yrs old, who's gonna love me now?
All i wanted was a true love.
A lady to spoil, with my undying love.
Lord take this pain away.
Please God.
I so tried lord, you know this.
I let her into my life just a bit.
It felt so good when by heri sat.
Then later on, i told her I had feelings for her.
A week later she told me she loved me.
Weeks of i love you's.
Now the silent treatment is what I got.
Am i just cursed when it comes to love?
Regardless, i no longer want to feel this shit anymore.
Lord, take me into eternity forevermore.
Brain fried from crying every fkn day.
Nothings getting better.
Life is the game i no longer care to play.
Love, i would die for.
Is there anyone?
Pain in my chest.
Heart attack?
I wish.
Life is a mfkn bitch.
Eternal sleep.
I seek.
From my eye's there is a tear leak.
Depression has me not staying on top of my hygiene.
Now my body of shit reeks.
Heart breaker.
Heart stopper.
Heart shredder.
Heart ahhnialtor.
Why hurt me?
Why did you tell me?
Why did you tell me you love me?
Why would you just throw away my love without any explanation?

FUCK

Never do i care to love again.
This fkn pain is too much.
Cruelty to a loving heart.
Thank you for fkn up my heart.
Thank you for the mental stress.
Great job, my love.

I still miss you.
I still love you.

I need fkn therapy.
I'd rather you took a gun, put it to my head, and paint the walls red.
At least i wouldn't be here now suffering, crying, heart aching.
I don't want this anymore.

Kill this pain.
I have many bottles of pills.
To cease my chills.
To numb my body so i can't feel.
Pills into my body so it can do what i needs them to do.......kill!!!

Love is one painful experience.
Not worth going through multiple times.
Then people asking if I'm fine?
No I'm not fkn fine.
My fkn world has been crushed to dust.
Love you can't trust.
I just don't understand why or how can anyone play with someone's fkn emotions?
Play with someone's fkn heart?
Why?
Why the fk why?
It hurts so fkn bad.
FUCK it hurts.
Please god, please.
Help me.
End this madness.
End my madness.
From my grave I'll forgive all those heart breakers.
Love should be categorized as a mental sickness.
And the only cure is death!!!
Written by jmerrick73
Published
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