I wonder, am I addicted to this sadness?  
Addicted to my pain?
For even in my happiest moments,  
I find myself longing for it.
Perhaps it is because itís all Iíve known
An abusive hand, a neglectful home  
Misery everywhere I went,
hurt from all those Iíve known.
Yet, I would never allow it to show
Iíve looked into the mirror,
And forced my smile.
Iíd dare not let anyone see
Behind the mask I crafted
so delicately  
I am the sunlight in their lives,  
or so they tell me.
The kid with a smile so contagious
that they canít help
But smile back.
How could I possibly let them see,
Make known the mutilated organ  
I call a heart
I know one day,  
I will shatter under the pressure
Of the secrets I keep.
But I will do so, alone.
Make peace with the boy
I buried so deep beneath
Perhaps I will apologize to him,  
for I know they never will.
Beg his forgiveness,  
finally offer him the love  
he gave to everyone  
but himself.
Written by Sunderish (Arcto.)
Published | Edited 14th Sep 2022
Author's Note
In time.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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