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001

I wonder, am I addicted to this sadness?  
 
Addicted to my pain?
 
For even in my happiest moments,  
I find myself longing for it.
 
 
Perhaps it is because itís all Iíve known
 
An abusive hand, a neglectful home  
 
Misery everywhere I went,
hurt from all those Iíve known.
 
Yet, I would never allow it to show
 
Iíve looked into the mirror,
And forced my smile.
 
Iíd dare not let anyone see
Behind the mask I crafted
so delicately  
 
 
I am the sunlight in their lives,  
or so they tell me.
 
The kid with a smile so contagious
that they canít help
But smile back.
 
 
How could I possibly let them see,
Make known the mutilated organ  
I call a heart
 
 
I know one day,  
I will shatter under the pressure
Of the secrets I keep.
 
But I will do so, alone.
 
Make peace with the boy
I buried so deep beneath
 
Perhaps I will apologize to him,  
for I know they never will.
 
Beg his forgiveness,  
finally offer him the love  
he gave to everyone  
but himself.
Sunderish
Written by Sunderish (Arcto.)
Published | Edited 14th Sep 2022
Author's Note
In time.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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