I wonder, am I addicted to this sadness?
Addicted to my pain?
For even in my happiest moments,
I find myself longing for it.
Perhaps it is because itís all Iíve known
An abusive hand, a neglectful home
Misery everywhere I went,
hurt from all those Iíve known.
Yet, I would never allow it to show
Iíve looked into the mirror,
And forced my smile.
Iíd dare not let anyone see
Behind the mask I crafted
I am the sunlight in their lives,
or so they tell me.
The kid with a smile so contagious
that they canít help
But smile back.
How could I possibly let them see,
Make known the mutilated organ
I call a heart
I know one day,
I will shatter under the pressure
Of the secrets I keep.
But I will do so, alone.
Make peace with the boy
I buried so deep beneath
Perhaps I will apologize to him,
for I know they never will.
Beg his forgiveness,
finally offer him the love
he gave to everyone