deepundergroundpoetry.com

Autumn Leaves

Iím so fucking low I might as well be high
And itís so tragically funny that I wish to die alone
Among autumn leaves and country music
Though itís only that one song that can make me cry
And want to expunge the emptiness from my heart
Ö Will you remember?  
 
Close your eyes and pick a card, any cardÖ
Smack me down for a 52 card pick up  
78 for the tarot deck Iím avoiding
When St Valentine wishes to pay me a visit  
And nothing ever came from love, but the need  
To self destruct and light my world on fire  
Cigarette burn on the back of my handÖ
I remember the day it left a scar on the inside of my thigh  
Among the amber dreams that left me  
Stumbling around in my underwear  
Self-denial was so beautiful, until I violated myself  
With someone elseís manhood.  
 
I never meant to fall in love, like a sapiosexual
For a mind, as though it was its own entity  
And I loved him like the air I need to breathe
And I never hated love so much, then to give me  
Something I could never have.
And I find no liberty in liberation  
Lying drunk on the floor with a knife in hand  
To try and bleed the pain away  
While theyíre asking me, what am I so afraid of?  
As though my existence is something thatís easy  
To comprehend in a psychically violent world.  
 
And I have to say, ďFuck God!Ē  
For all he never did for me
While I was being beaten with scripture  
Discovering the hating hand of religious love.  
There will be no saving my soul  
Devilís advocate tattooed on the wrist  
I once tried to slit when no one could love me right  
For Iíd rather go to hell with the damaged  
Than live in heaven with the fake.  
And Iím so agonisingly alive
Though Iím doing it wrong again
Chasing demons through the park just to take a peek  
At the dark form with angel wings  
While obsession only led to beautiful torment
And I can do without her ďloveĒ when  
Iím just another drug to smoke up when she gets lonely.  
 
And Iíve never been so lonely then when Iím honest  
Wide-eyed and looking for something in a face  
That doesnít care, and long ago gave up the pretense  
And I donít know why Iím trying to be understood  
When we speak different languages  
And mine is all gray and meaningless  
To everyone but me.  
 
Iím so fucking low I might as well be high
And itís so tragically funny that Iím certain Iíll die alone
Among autumn leaves and country music
Though itís only that one song that can make me cry
And want to expunge the emptiness from my heart
Ö Will you remember?  
 
© Indie Adams 2012
Indie
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
Published | Edited 13th Oct 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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