Curtain Call

And so the time has come
to abandon the world of imagination
such a comforting to place to reside
but also that crutch
that keeps one from moving among the living

The revelations arrive
all at once
when the universe
taps you on the shoulder
giving that push
to bravely take that step
into something unfamiliar
maybe even frightening
to a degree

I have lived to survive
for much of my adult life,
meaning little luxuries
and mostly hard work
to keep nourished and sheltered

I have not travelled to exotic places (only in mind)
and I have never been awarded
for sacrificing huge chunks of my time and energy
to ensure that the steady flow of profitability
moves in the direction of the wealthy

I have lost much in my forty plus years
But there are those small victories
that keep me going on,
even if it doesn’t seem
that some magical opportunity will come along
that can alter my future
and allow me the freedom
that I won’t have to budget every
little dollar earned and worry about the loss of income
should there be a medical appointment or unexpected emergency crop up

But I hang on, because maybe...

I walked away from a beautiful home
that I once owned
after my unwavering love and devotion
somehow ran out of gas
in the eyes of the loved

I thought it may have been a temporary thing,
and there might come a time where I was missed
but since my removal
It seems she leads a happier life
and most recently
has found a man who can take her beyond
just one working to survive

I have no desire to know anything about him,
it wouldn’t seem healthy
because I know myself too well
but I’m sure there will have to come a time

I took my pain and my fantasy
Into this remarkable world of poetry

It was the one place
where I could roam uncensored
where jealousies and competition
and doubt did not have to exist

I could be attractive, seductive
and portrayed in any such light
the reader chose to place me in

I can’t please everyone
And it seems I can disappoint
when I’m not even trying

My version of love
has been clouded and complicated
over many years
and I may have adopted a televised version
that simply doesn’t exist

I was an impressionable young man,
maybe even gullible
and it carried through the years
and certainly informed my many fears

I have one responsibility in this life,
and that is to that beautiful child
I once was, and I now have
there is much work to be done on my part
to show her a version of myself
that hasn’t been eroded by the circumstances
of this modern word

And also to that little boy
that felt he was less than others
and heard too many times in life
a family mantra
along the lines
that things didn’t often work out
for those like us

So maybe the retreat is over
and this ongoing game
of hide and seek
must come to an end

I’m stepping out from these shadows
and hopefully the light can guide me.