Apologies

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I....I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way.
I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for you to have to worry.
I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for you to have to listen to my constant bitching.
I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for you to have to think about me.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.  I didn't think about you.
I'm sorry.  I didn't think about me.
I'm sorry.  I didn't think about us.
I'm sorry.  I didn't think you would worry.
I'm sorry.  I didn't think I would worry.
I'm sorry.  I didn't think we would have to worry.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.  I didn't want you to have to think about me.
I'm sorry.  I didn't want for things to come to this.
I'm sorry.  I didn't want my ignorance to affect you.
I'm sorry.  I didn't want my lack of thought to change.
I'm sorry.  I didn't want this to happen.
I'm sorry.

-Stop saying you're sorry!!!
Okay, sorry. I didn't think I was saying "sorry" that much.
-Aren't you listening to yourself?!?
No, I'm sorry.  I guess I should be.
-stop
Okay, sorry.
-No, seriously, you need to stop!!
I've already tried to "stop", but you wouldn't let me go and neither would my body.

I apologize for what I've done.  It haunts me to this day and I still don't know how to face it.  I've reconciled with my past transgressions and mistakes but I still don't accept them.  I always know that they are there, lurking in my shadows.  I feel them watching me, judging me, never really letting me go.
I apologize that I've put you through this.  I'm just not able to do what I want to do.  I can't be the person I want to be.  I feel like I really shouldn't be here but I know that I can't leave.
The window may be open but there are torrential winds blowing me back into the room.
The curtains keep flapping and swaying but they never pull from the curtain of "hanging on", but the belt did.
The trash can of my ideas lays next to my bed where my mind goes to shit on a constant, daily basis, just like the pills slopped in a pile of putrid puke.
I'm sorry.  I didn't mean, I didn't think, I didn't want.  I didn't.
I'm sorry.